Sunday, December 30, 2007


Roiling Gullet, Iowa (Dec. 30, 2007) Republican presidential candidates, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee, both former Governors, were able to demonstrate the depth and breadth of their foreign policy knowledge as they are locked in a tight primary race. The assassination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan last Thursday suddenly thrust international affairs to the fore in this campaign season. With the grossly overstated first in the nation Iowa Caucus just days away, all candidates from both parties were forced to speak at length about national security and foreign affairs. Thus far, the campaigns have been focused on the war in Iraq as the main foreign policy issue. Most of the campaign has been about domestic, social and economic issues.

Mike Huckabee of Arkansas, the front runner in Iowa was the first GOP candidate able to show off his considerable foreign policy acumen. He commented that the Bhutto assassination should only prove to us that we need to secure our borders. According to Huckabee, illegal Pakistani immigrants are entering our country from Mexico in huge numbers, second only to Mexicans. “We can’t have a Pakistani walk across our border carrying a shoulder-fired missile or a dirty bomb or a non-USDA approved lamb”, said Huckabee. When pressed by reporters to explain his comments further, the former Governor’s aides quickly hustled him away.

Later that night the Huckabee camp issued a press release trying to clarify the idiotic comments from earlier. “Mike Huckabee knows foreign policy as deeply as he knows non-foreign policy. His point about immigration was valid. Who knows how many Pakistani people come here to blow things up, create terror and mayhem and just act like the godless dolts they are? You know they ain’t coming here to pluck chicken feathers and pick lettuce”. While at a campaign stop in Florida on Friday, Huckabee seemed at ease taking questions from the media about his views on international issues. “ I said that Pakistan has to be careful. They got Afghanistan right over there real close to them and, if you think about it, Korea and Africa aren’t all that far either. Once you get into that neighborhood I want the American voters to know that a Huckabee administration would be a darned good friend to Israel. They built a wall in the Holy Land and I want us to build a wall or two right here in America”.

The former Arkansas Governor’s ignorance seemed to challenge his closest rival, former Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, to display his own stupendous lack of intelligence. Romney, speaking at the semi-annual Pork and Tripe Breakfast in Waterloo, Iowa said “ Just last week we saw the tragic affects of all the illegal immigration into this country. A young man was eaten by a Siberian tiger in San Francisco. Now, perhaps you’ll agree with me but, we have enough tigers in this country and certainly more than enough Siberian ones. If I were president we would close our borders to Siberian and Bengal tigers, German shepherds, Armenian wombats and all the others that come to our country illegally”. When the members of the press present regained their senses, they hammered the hapless Mormon millionaire with questions. When Romney was asked to explain his overall world view he replied, “I have been married to the same woman since we got married. I believe being married means one man is wed to one woman. If it is any other way pretty soon you will have people wanting to marry dogs, cats, goats, elk, all sorts of bad stuff. Also, since I am in the NRA, I believe in shooting. I have shot varmints. Speaking of shooting, I remember marching with my dad and Martin Luther King . Speaking of kings, King Hussein is a good man. We should bomb Iran, Iraq and Idaho...”.

While those two bozos had their glaring stupidity on display, tired old John McCain was busy extrapolating time served as a POW forty years ago into an unparalleled grasp on present day foreign and military affairs. The feeble senator from Arizona apparently is a strong believer in the “even a broken clock is right twice a day” theory of foreign policy. His staunch support for the disastrous military effort in Iraq completely destroyed any credibility he had regarding national security and military matters. Finally, after trillions of dollars and thousands of lives the so called ‘surge’ is allegedly yielding some results. So now, McCain is loudly proclaiming that he was right all along. Iowans seem to be saying, “Sorry, John. Had your head not been so far up George W. Bush’s ass, you may have seen the situation more clearly”.

During an awkward moment at the Eastern Iowa Airport, the three contenders Huckabee, Romney and McCain came face to face in the empty terminal. The few members of the press that were present witnessed a heated, almost nasty exchange between them. McCain appeared to be the most agitated and called Huckabee “a dope, a moron, an illegal immigrant loving hick”. McCain made reference to Huckabee allowing Cuban refuges to be housed in Arkansas while he was Governor. Huckabee responded in his typical, condescending manner softened by his Southern Baptist preacher’s accent, telling McCain, “John, I like to think we live in a country big enough for everyone. Even Cubans. Besides, last I looked, we have a missile crisis with Cuba. That Fido Castro has been in charge over there for long enough. What would you do, smart ass”?

Feeling somewhat left out of this increasingly hostile argument, Mitt Romney began shouting that “Jesus and Satan were not brothers. I was only pro-choice before I realized I was republican and had to be pro-life”. Huckabee and McCain glanced at the sputtering Romney and dismissed him as a “pretty boy, rich kid” and “a heathen bastard”.

Finally operatives for all three men were able to pull their respective candidates away from the fray before it came to blows. The three contenders and their staffers went their separate ways quickly although John McCain could be heard yelling and screaming incoherently.

As he exited the airport terminal, Romney told an aide that he had to relieve himself. As they approached the men’s room, one aide stopped Romney from entering telling the surprised candidate that “You have too wide a stance on too many issue to go in there. You can take a squirt out behind the limo outside”.

Saturday, December 29, 2007



Are You Kidding!?

New York, New York (Dec. 28, 2007) In the middle of one of our quadrennial spend-and-lie-a-thons known as a presidential campaign, our attention is captured by an assassination half a world away. And it should be.

Returning to her native Pakistan after years of self imposed, (self preserving exile), the two time former Prime Minister, Benazir Bhutto was killed in Rawalpindi this past Thursday. She returned to Pakistan under the shaky auspices of a “power sharing deal” with the current leader of that country, Pervez Musharraf. The political turmoil has only increased since her return. As the national elections grew closer, many feared violence would mar the political process. The internal problems in Pakistan are of real concern for America since Pakistan has been an ‘ally’ in our war against terrorism. Neighboring Afghanistan is a hotbed of radical Islamic fundamentalists, the reconstituted Taliban and, of course, the stronger than ever, Al Qaeda. The United States has given billions of dollars in arms, aid and cash to Pakistan since September 2001. Their value as an ‘ally’ is arguable, dubious at best. Much of the Pakistani government and military share sympathies and ideology with those we fight against.

Benazir Bhutto was the eldest daughter of a former Prime Minister who was ultimately executed in 1979 for allegedly arranging the murder of a political rival. he was hung after a controversial trial that many outsiders saw as a sham. His daughter was forced to resign her office once in 1990 due to corruption and bribery charges. She was reelected in 1993 but, by 1996 was forced to resign again due to similar allegations. She was living in exile in Dubai since 1998.

Despite her history and the inherent dangers in Pakistan, particularly within the contentious, often deadly realm of Pakistani politics, she returned, facing incredible danger, to serve her people. Her belief in a democratic form of government and all that entails, was such a powerful motivation that she felt compelled to challenge her many rivals, those known and those in the shadows, in the hopes of making life better for the average Pakistani. She died for her cause.

We have not had a political assassination in America since John F. Kennedy was killed in 1963. We have not had effective government in America for at least the last 20 years. This is not to imply a connection between these two stark facts; just a couple of points of reference.

We are governed by politicians, not believers or legislators, not men and women with character, commitment, fundamental concepts about the public good or effective governance. Our elected leaders are proven liars, criminals, corrupted by power, money, influence and their own egos. They are not the best and brightest among us merely the best hustlers, operators and con artists money can buy. Oh, they can all talk one hell of a game, swindle money from fat-cat backers, special interest donors and every ilk of scumbag that moves in their circles. However, once in office they prove to be so profoundly inept, unmotivated, negligent, ignorant and arrogant that they become detached from reality.

Benazir Bhutto’s murder should not be used as a political tumbleweed in this campaign season but rather as a pointed reminder to those who seek higher office about what it takes to be a real and true leader. If only we had one presidential candidate with the courage of convictions, dedication to service and courage of Ms. Bhutto, we would have a president worthy of our respect and trust. We will probably never see such traits in an inhabitant of the White House. And for that sad fact, we should all mourn.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Eve

Thirty nine years ago tonight human beings, men, three American astronauts went to the dark side of the moon. The Apollo 8 mission was the second manned Apollo flight, the first circumnavigation of our closest celestial neighbor and the precursor to what would ultimately put two Americans on the lunar surface in July 1969.

How easy it is to forget such achievements, how quickly the subsequent history over shadows such defining moments.

The Apollo Program was the culmination of an unprecedented project, a project of immense scale and scope with inherent complexities wrapped within unknown and unknowable risks. It was the result of a mandate issued by a young president who wouldn’t live to witness its fulfillment. But, we saw it happen. We watched in respectful silence in those turbulent days as we marveled at what we were capable of at, what the best, brightest and bravest of us were able to accomplish by striving beyond expectations while so many of the rest of our best, brightest and bravest fought the good fight in the jungles of Viet Nam.

As Apollo 8 orbited the moon, the crew were seen in flickering grainy, black and white image television images during a live broadcast from the farthest reaches of mans explorations. Frank Borman, Jim Lovell and Bill Anders delivered a humble yet enormously profound message from that distance, a message from the Bible, the first Book of the Old Testament, Genesis, to be precise. Who could imagine such a message today with all the political correctness and partisanship, endless bickering over matters of church and state?

But, at that time it was taken in the manner it was delivered and in that spirit, their message to all of us is reprinted below.

From all The Brooding Cynyx to all of you and yours, Happy Holidays and all the best in health, happiness and peace.

So, from Christmas Eve 1968, broadcast live from lunar orbit, the crew of Apollo 8:

William Anders:

We are now approaching the lunar sunrise and, for all the people back on Earth, the crew of Apollo 8 has a message we would like to send you.

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

Jim Lovell:

And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

Frank Borman:

And God said, Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

And from the crew of Apollo 8, we close with good night, good luck, a Merry Christmas, and God bless all of you - all of you on the good Earth."

Saturday, December 22, 2007



Belching Flatts, IA (Dec 22, 2007. TBC) Unholy alliances run deep here in the “Purgatory on the Plains”. As the slew of wannabe presidential candidates have courted, fed, bribed, paid and otherwise blown the rotund, moronic, self important voters of this god awful state for the last 12 months, the media and pundits alike have documented, commented and attempted to divine truths from a sea of polling numbers. What a colossal waste of time, effort, energy and dignity.

Iowa, at it’s absolute best, is a desolate, unremarkable place. Now, this monochromatic wasteland, shrouded in a fog thicker than creamed corn, has become the de facto center of the political universe. Is there no end to the ironies that define us as a people, a society, culture and political system?

For a brief shining moment every four years the land of cows and corn becomes the epicenter of American presidential politics and, sadly, the rest of the country buys into this charade. Iowa. The word conjures in most urban Americans, the images of sweet bucolic life; fine, sturdy and sure ‘American’ values, salt-of-the-earth hard working farmers in the heartland providing food for the masses by their toils. The fact of the matter is, this sentiment is among the most enduring bullshit myths in the country. Iowa farmers and their brethren in other corn belt states are so heavily subsidized and supported by the taxpaying public that the welfare queens of the late 1980’s look like hard working citizens in comparison. But, all this is besides the point. This is just a minor detour into the particulars of this odd place.

Okay. Let’s see. Huckleberry Huckabee, the Baptist preacher is giving ole’ Mormon Mitt Romney apoplexy. Hillary , ‘my-husband-was-president’ Clinton is in a death match with wet behind the ears Barak Obama. John Edwards will probably get at least 8 votes on Caucus night while Bill Richardson and the rest of that motley crew should vacate the state ASAP. John McCain and Fred Thompson are too busy buying Ex-Lax and DePends to be a real threat. What does it all mean? Nada. Zilch. Zip. Absolutely nothing. The day after the Caucus, the candidates and press will leave. The operatives and operators, the hangers-on, the technical people, producers and support staff will flee from this place as fast as their frozen feet will carry them. And Iowa will remain. It will finally, thankfully fade from the public spotlight and return to its normal, mundane rhythms.

Iowa does something to people. It has an affect that only the natives have immunity to. Candidates and visitors alike suffer from the dismal soul leaching blandness of this place and it is remarkable that these imbeciles actually think they play a vital role in our political process. Let them think that. That somehow balances out the rest of the country’s misconceptions about Iowa.

Christmas lights twinkle in the dense fog that hangs as close to the ground as a politicians hangs to blather. Even the most buoyantly optimistic would consider the most effective method of suicide if they had to endure any time in Iowa. The candidates deserve this. They deserve to have to come here and suck up to these greedy, self righteous, simpletons.

Just two weeks left until the Caucuses. Someone will win on each side. The rest will loose. However, they have all paid a terrible price for their corrupt courtship of this dimwitted populace.

Better book a room at the Motel 7 in Des Moines...2012 is just around the bend.

Cletus E. Yoder for TBC

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Thursday, December 13, 2007



Los Angeles, CA (Dec.13, 2007) Ike Turner, the iconic, legendary, musical genius who many consider as the father of rock and roll, died yesterday at the age of 76. From humble roots in Clarkdale, Mississippi through a successful career as an artist, musician, bandleader and talent scout, Ike Turner contributed beyond measure to the musical genres of rock, soul and several hybrid blends.

Ike enjoyed his greatest accolades as the Ike in Ike and Tina Turner who he discovered when she was just a high school student. After their split some 35 years ago, Tina Turner went on to an extraordinarily successful solo career. Many of the songs made famous by Ike and Tina are among the classics of modern American music.

Ike was a tortured, troubled soul in many ways. His artistic and creative brilliance was often overshadowed by his drug addiction and violent behavior. Ike became a hero to several generations of wife-beaters, thugs, punks,no-account-malt-liquor-drinking-unemployed-deadbeats and, in some sub-sub-segments of society, is hailed as a hero. “Ike didn’t take no shit from no bitch. He was boss and he done showed who ever they was he was boss”, said long time associate and one time cellmate Cleotis Rufus Freeman.

Many of his arrests for battery, domestic abuse and other various brawls, where captured on film and made the TV news clips, helped to popularize the sleeveless, scoop-necked undershirt which came to be known as “The Wifebeater’. “Many times I seen him on the news being locked up for something and damned, he was always lookin mighty fine in that wifebeater T-shirt”, commented childhood friend Willie “T-Bone” Malone.

Mr. Turner will be buried at an undisclosed location.


Iowa Public TV Should Loose Federal Funding

Johnston, IA (Dec.13, 2007 TBC) “A rose by any other name is still a rose”. Iowa Public Television clearly demonstrated the same does not hold true for a “debate”. While a debate is not a rose it doesn’t have to be a turd. What was billed as a GOP Candidates Debate, conducted and aired by IPTV yesterday afternoon was as far removed from what is conventionally considered to be a debate as the pitiful moderator,Carolyn Washburn, is from Jim Lehrer. Somehow, Ms. Washburn has been able to achieve the position of Editor at the Des Moines Register. She actually makes Yepsen look gifted by comparison and that isn't saying much. It is no wonder that this waste of time was broadcast live at 2:00 PM local time. Had this crap aired during prime time there would have been TV’s tossed out of windows into icy roads across the state.

Granted, virtually all events conducted in the political process today designated as “debates” are nothing like debates in the literal sense. The formats vary as do the rules, hosts and degree to which the opportunity for actual debate is allowed. This sham yesterday was the oddest incarnation of a debate televised thus far in what has been an overabundance of half-assed, YouTube driven, assemblies of candidates on various stages this year.

Being that this event was the final opportunity for a debate prior to the Iowa Caucuses on January 3, 2008, this would have been a great venue to have the leading candidates define, detail and defend their positions on substantive issues. This was truly a missed opportunity. IPTV blew their chance to show the nation that they are a serious journalistic, reporting enterprise not just some federally funded mouthpiece for crop and commodity reports, children’s programming and The Red Green Show. The average voter is all too aware that there is a plethora of vitally important domestic and international issues our next president will face because our current one has spent the last seven years with his empty head up his ass.

The IPTV “debate” was, by far, the oddest format with the most bizarre ground rules yet seen. The moderator looked more like the female warden in some B-grade movie was as competent and effective a moderator as would have been Paris Hilton. Aside from her grime demeanor and hostile enforcement of strict time allotments per candidates answer, she was downright frightening to look at. She obviously attended the Katherine Harris School of make-up application; based on the color of her cheeks, she was either suffering from frostbite of a 107 degree fever.

While the cornerstone principals of democracy must be maintained throughout the body politic, particularly in the presidential nominating process, this late in the game, perhaps some discretion should have been exercised when invitations to participate were sent out. Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter and Ron Paul have most likely ridden their respective ego-fueled horses as far as they will go. And then there was Alan Keyes. If having filed candidacy papers, having an office and one staffer in Iowa is sufficient criteria for the folks at IPTV to give him a podium, it is amazing that there were only seven participants. Alan Keyes presence was a waste of time; his irrelevance makes his participation even more absurd. His thoughts and style are far better suited for one of the half-witted shout fests like Hardball or any of the trash aired on FOX News.

One rule that was not in effect and usually is not was that the candidates should be required to answer questions with specifics. Duncan Hunter can easily spew out broad statements like “I will strengthen our military. I will return good paying jobs to America. I will secure our borders” and other such horseshit. Noble ambitions all but, the follow up question to every platitude uttered should automatically be “How”? All the candidates are guilty of regurgitating long lists of all that they would accomplish if elected. Why are they not compelled to tell the American public exactly how they intend to accomplish their goals? When the Moderator with the Mommy Dearest make-up asked the participants to provide a New Year’s resolution suggestion for one of their fellow candidates, not one of them did so. This is a minor point to be sure because the question, like most of them, was idiotic. By pre-arranged agreement, no questioning related to Iraq or immigration was permitted. What kind of shit is that? Arguably, these are two of the more prominent issues on voters’ minds.

The democratic candidates will have their turn on IPTV today. If any of them have any sense or self respect, they would call IPTV and inform them that they have better ways to waste an afternoon in Iowa. Lord knows, Carolyn Washburn, the inept moderator clearly needs some time off, among other things such as remedial courses in Journalism 101, Public Speaking and telling time.

Cletus E. Yoder writing for TBC.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Paramedics Unable To Provide Questions for Answers.

Los Angeles, CA ( Dec. 12, 2007, TBC) The 67 year old host of the longest running TV game show, Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek, suffered what doctors are classifying as a “minor heart attack” yesterday. The long time host of the popular quiz show was reported to be resting comfortably in a Los Angeles area hospital.

According to paramedics and LAFD personnel who responded to the 911 call at his palatial residence, Mr. Trebek was close to contributing to his own demise. “ When we first arrived on the scene, the patient immediately began asking questions...I mean, asking answers”, commented LAFD EMT Orlando Mas-Cruz. Mas-Cruz continued, “ The patient asked me, like, he said, ‘ The nearest cardiac center to this location is...?’. I told him he was going to Cedars Sinai and he shouts “wrong”, the proper answer is “ What is Cedars Sinai Hospital’”

Apparently emergency personnel and first responders faced significant intellectual challenges while attempting to administer to Mr. Trebek. LAFD firefighter Tyrell Leon Scruggs, who was among the first on the scene told reporters, “ The patient was not in a great amount of obvious distress. When I arrived he took my hand and asked me ‘What Asian capitol has the largest Muslim population’? I told him, I wasn’t sure and at that point he became combative. He got really agitated and told me that I was excluded from Double Jeopardy. I told him he could kiss my fat black ass. He responded that I should go fuck myself. At that point I applied four-point restraints and took his sorry ass to the hospital”.

In the ER of Cedars Sinai, Trebek seemed to become more animated. The first physician to examine him, Dr.Joyce Phillips said, “Mr. Trebek did not appear to be in obvious crisis. His initial EKG showed a normal sinus rhythm. His blood pressure was elevated. I ordered a normal blood panel with cardiac enzymes. The patient grabbed my ass and asked me ‘What is the radial binary circumference of a polyhedron’? I was taken aback and told him to be still. He persisted and asked me a number of obtuse, very difficult questions. Finally, I wrote orders for him to be sedated”.

Hospital spokesperson Leah Applewhite-Snork told reporters at a press conference that “ Mr. Trebek was very close to expiring. He appeared, to the first responders, to be more interested in harassing and embarrassing them seeking questions to answers very few among us could provide. One EMT told me that Mr. Trebek became violent, began shouting, farting, belching and foaming at the mouth because our EMT could not provide the question to the answer of ‘Name the Sub-Saharan nation to first realize drought was a long term problem in Africa’. Our EMT, who was extremely fortunate to obtain his GED, told Mr. Trebek that Sudan was the first Sub-Saharan nation to realize that fact. Mr. Trebek became extraordinarily agitated and yelled at our EMT that he must respond to the statement in the form of a question.”

According to LAFD, LAPD and EMT reports, Mr. Trebek was beaten moderately about the face and neck. Subsequently, he was admitted to the CCU where he remains heavily sedated, under armed guard and restrained. A spokesman for the TV program Jeopardy! told reporters that “Alex has been under a great deal of stress for a long, long time. We knew he drank. We were aware of his anal-retentive and bipolar disorders. Frankly we did the best we could with him. He was a very difficult man to deal with. He demanded perfection from those around him and, when he didn’t get it, he went totally berserk. Often, he masturbated violently on the set. It was gross. Art Fleming was like Mother Teresa compared to this whacknut”.

Jeopardy! reruns will begin to air tomorrow at 7 pm EST. Consult local listing for details.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Friday, December 7, 2007


From “A Day of Infamy” to ‘The Amazing Race’
(A Somewhat Feverish Rant)

It is always after the fact. In the aftermath of whatever the latest mayhem, catastrophe or headline grabbing crime, experts, pundits, academics of every stripe and a veritable legion of other commentators, appear on TV in perfusion to a nauseating degree. Their words, thoughts, scoldings and exhortations appear in the print media for days on end. It is always and ONLY after this or that has occurred that these people emerge from whatever isolated cloistered recess they normally inhabit, to grace us with their wisdom, insight and recommendations. This happens inevitably, with such sickening regularity that, by and large people tune out.

We are truly a nation, a culture, a society, on every level and strata that is reactionary. Once some odd occurrence captures our collective attention briefly, we are ripe and ready to react. We can react with the best of them. Our most glaring weakness is exposed: our inability to think ahead, to plan and prepare: to anticipate the unanticapatable. The recent examples that illustrate all too vividly this awful fact stand as stark examples of the abundant inherent failings in every sector from governmental to institutional. The shortness of our collective memory is such that we remain vulnerable, unprepared and complacent to the point of insanity.

Our unpreparedness and complacency aside, the level of after-the-fact debate, analysis and saturation media coverage serve no legitimate purpose. Two young boys walk into Columbine High School and open fire. An angry student at Virginia Tech goes on a pre-planned shooting spree bringing terror and death to that campus. We witness hurricanes, forest fires, floods and acts of barbarism disguised as terrorism. After each of these events and so many unmentioned similar ones, the airwaves are flooded with all the voices of reason. Psychiatrists explain all the signs missed by teachers, parents and peers prior to school shootings. Bullying experts loudly berate us for picking on these kids. Our own federal government, charged with our collective safety and security is exposed as being systemically, terminally inept. The intelligence community (and the untold trillions they have spent) proves to be antiquated if not obsolete; their dysfunction has cost how many lives? But former members of this committee, that agency, some think tank or other are only too eager to get on any and every news broadcast to say “I told ya’ so but ya’ didn’t listen”. They are as pathetic as those they condemn.

Now, Omaha. The predictable syndrome has manifest as usual. Let’s all try to understand and sympathize with this Hawkins guy. There is a certain value in seeking to understand the pathology, the etiology of a psyche capable of executing this behavior. However, the level of the public discourse is rarely serious; it is primarily sensational, tabloidistic crapola being passed off as ‘news’. Is it any wonder?

Societally, we are more concerned about Brittany Spears’ parental ability, American Idol contestants, this reality show or that sit-com, Brad Pitt or any other among hundreds of celebrities, entertainers, actors, musicians, athletes, glitz, shits and gloss than any actual news. This is a main reason why we find ourselves in the cultural condition and political predicaments we do. We tend not to pay attention to the things that matter until after it is far too late. This is one of the defining characteristics of our time.

How many of us realize that today is the anniversary of the attack at Pearl Harbor? How many of us will remember the significance of September 11, 2001 thirty or forty years from now? Some are already complaining about having commemorative services on the date just six years after the fact. What has substantively changed since that day, from the “lessons learned”? Basically, nothing. But that is who we are, that is who we elect and that is who our leaders are.

We drug our children because they ate victims of ADD. We excuse our co-workers because they are burdened with ADHD and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. We profess to not want to offend and pretend to not offend under the guise of political correctness yet, we remain a society deeply divided, fractious, biased almost tribal in some respects. The notion of the collective or greater good has been lost; tossed about politically, belittled and associated with liberalism. However, without some regard for that concept, we will remain a floundering people, a nation Balkanized.

We like to think of ourselves as tough, kick-ass, people. We celebrate the basest of instincts, romanticize criminality, depravity and stupidity while, in reality our military has been brought to a virtual stalemate in an asymmetrical conflict we had no clue how to conduct from the outset. But, we all support our troops; they are, after all, the greatest military force ever assembled. Maybe so. If the Cold War was on-going our military would be ready to launch decades old plans and strategies and would most likely prevail in such a conventional face-off. But, we were unable to adapt, too big, awkward, clumsy as well as arrogant, smug and complacent to even contemplate Goliath’s vulnerability to the David’s of the world. And where is Osama Bin Laden? That’s right.

This is not an indictment of the left or right, of democrats, republicans, independents, red or blue states, viewers of FOX and MSNBC. This is an American condition, this is our collective burden. This is real, all of it.

Our political candidates like to speak about our obligations to future generations, our children and our children’s children. Noble ideals, often powerful argumentative symbolism. Well, if any of that belief exists within us it had better emerge soon.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2007 BronxWest Consulting

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


All That Matters Is The Yield At Harvest

Cedar Rapids, IA (Dec., 2007, TBC) The obsessive analyzing of the latest polls has reached well beyond the point of absurdity. With every percentage point rise or fall the campaigns, media, and pundits pontificate. These bloviating blowhards actually appear to believe the crap that spews from their collective mouths. What does it all mean? What really matters?

So Hillary is up among middle aged men who bowl while Obama has gained among single, never married women cat owners. John Edwards has made some gains with white unemployed former union members with tattoos and Chris Dodd is losing ground to Joe Biden with the uninsured, minimally educated, heavy drinkers of Iowa. Bill Richardson has a certain lock on the obese, slovenly Latinos with Anglo last names.
Of course Denis Kucinich is guaranteed the votes of all the new-age, UFO sighting, alien abducted, John Lennon fans across Iowa.

Mitt Romney is struggling to disavow his Mormonism as Mike Huckabee is sending shivers down the spines of all beef and pork eating, pro-life, anti-everything else diehards determined to caucus for a Baptist minister.John McCain and Fred Thompson are engaged in a fierce,bitter struggle to win the hearts and minds of the Pro-Iraq War, AARP card carrying, pre-Alzheimers, false teeth wearing demographic which wields tremendous clout here. Many of the students at the University of Iowa who regularly take hallucinogenics, have "Save Tibet" bumper stickers on their Kia's, eat tofu, Twinkies and trail mix are firmly committed to Ron Paul. Perhaps all of them (and Dr. Paul) should be committed somewhere; perhaps a long term psychiatric facility. And on and on it goes.

To scrutinize the insignificant variations in the dozens of polls taking place across Iowa and the rest of the nation, is an exercise in futility. To spend hours and hours discussing and attempting to divine truths from amid the masses of demographic numbers is asinine. But, let’s not be a stick in the mud.

The daily fluctuations in poll numbers are of equal value in the eye of the beholder as is watching corn grow. It takes a good one hundred days to grow corn. Even if the most anal-retentive farmer in Iowa examined his crop closely on a daily basis hoping to determine what his harvest yield will be, he would not only be a fool but an idiot as well.

Once the process begins in earnest it will acquire a life of its own, people will caucus and vote in primaries as they see fit, for whatever reasons they may have, based on their own biases, attitudes, opinions, special interests and the incalculable host of rationales, formulations and bullshit that they utilize in their process. And so it will be.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Saturday, December 1, 2007


Facts Emerging About Perpetrator

Rochester NH (Nov. 30, 2007 TBC) After a six hour standoff with law enforcement, a man who entered Hillary Clinton’s New Hampshire campaign headquarters here, surrendered peacefully. The seize, began at approximately 1 o’clock PM EST when a white man walked into the storefront office claiming to have a bomb strapped to his chest. All campaign staff present in the office at that time were immediately taken hostage. The perpetrator, now identified as a local trailer park denizen with a history of mental illness, alcoholism, domestic violence and irritable bowel syndrome, 47 year old Leeland Eisenberg, began releasing hostages shortly after having taken them. First released were a young mother and infant child. By the time Mr. Eisenberg was handcuffed by police, the last hostage, a young female campaign volunteer, was seen exiting the office were she had been held hostage. Senator Clinton was in Virginia for the entire day and never in any danger.

Tonight, Mrs. Clinton, the democratic presidential primary front runner, came here and answered a few questions after making a brief statement. She thanked all the law enforcement personnel for their “efforts and professionalism” and expressed relief and gratitude that all had ended without injury. Hillary, answering a reporter’s question commented that she believed Eisenberg had chosen to take hostages at her campaign office because “he was seeking relief from his pain” and that the entire episode appears now to have been a “cry for help”. While for much of the six hour standoff little was known factually about what was transpiring, in the hours since being taken into custody much has been learned about Leeland “Lee” Eisenberg.

According to local authorities, public records, nosey neighbors and blabbermouths, Eisenberg is no stranger to the Rochester Police Department. Captain Paul Callahan of the RPD told reporters that Mr. Eisenberg had a history of “alcohol and drug use, domestic violence and a short temper”. Eisenberg was due to appear in a local court today for a hearing related to divorce proceedings filed last November by his wife.

Mr. Eisenberg lives in a trailer court in Rochester with a stepson who told authorities that before leaving the trailer today, his step father told him to “watch for me on TV”. A neighbor who wished to remain anonymous told reporters that Eisenberg was seen going to the filling station “everyday for a 12 pack or something. Everyday”. Shemp Muldoon, an acquaintance of Eisenberg’s commented that he “ drank with Lee all the time. Lee liked to drink, I like to drink, so we drank. Together. We drank alot”. Besides his apparent problem with alcohol, investigators are beginning to learn a great deal more about Eisenberg than previously known.

According to a source close to the investigation, a great deal of evidence was being collected from the Eisenberg trailer. “So far they have found many books, magazines and newspaper clippings related to politicians, celebrities and restless leg syndrome. In his bedroom the walls were covered with posters of Ted Kennedy, Rosie O’Donnell, Sonny and Cher and Evel Knievel. Apparently, he had a real admiration for Ted Kennedy and was obsessed by Evel Knievel” Vern Brock, a long time friend of Eisenberg’s told police and reporters that “Lee admired Teddy Kennedy as a politician, a man and a drunk. He was simply amazed that a big, fat, bloated, sloppy drunk like Teddy still held a job. Heck, he’s a goddamned senator. Lee had always been a big fan of Evel Knievel. Actually, I think most of his mental stuff and boozing began after Evel crashed into the Snake River Canyon in 1974. Lee hasn’t really been right in the head since then”.

Eisenberg’s stepson reportedly informed police that Eisenberg had been “ holding some sort of vigil for Evel Knievel. Ever since he found out how sick Evel was, my step dad has been drinking alot, drinking alot everyday. Sometimes he would have fits, throw things at the wall shouting how unfair life was, how Evel had broken so many bones over the years...that sort of stuff. Sometimes he’d start to cry and he would drink even more. One night he couldn’t stop belching. I could tell he was really in pain. I got nervous and asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital. He got real mad at me and, in between these really huge belches he told me that his pain was nothing like the pain Evel had experienced. He said he didn’t care if he belched himself to death. After that, I just went to bed”.

Dr. Trevor Dunkwirth, a local psychologist who had treated and drank with Eisenberg in the past said “ Lee was mentally ill. He was on medication but he couldn’t afford it anymore. I imagine, in his mind, he made the connection between healthcare and Hillary Clinton. He was aware that her campaign has an office here. Perhaps, after learning of the sad passing of Mr. Knievel, Lee had some sort of breakdown. I mean, can you blame him? I cried like a school girl all morning after hearing about the death of Evel Knievel and I’m not even mentally ill”. While that last statement is arguable, Dr. Dunkwirth has been very helpful to state, county and local law enforcement officers and has also spoken with the Secret Service.

As the night progresses here, more details are emerging painting a disturbing picture of Lee Eisenberg. Other sources involved with the investigation speaking off the record have mentioned that “ This Eisenberg was a local whack job, a real lunatic. We found several notebooks his dimwitted stepson identified as belonging to Eisenberg. Some of his writing is very disturbing. Evidently, Eisenberg is a registered democrat. He has always been interested in politics and politicians. He also was fascinated by fat Irish drunkards. That explains the Ted Kennedy connection and the Rosie O’Donnell poster. He was a member of her fan club and at one time he had attempted to gain several hundred pounds so he could look more like her. We also found boxes of material related to that old time daredevil Evel Knievel. Eisenberg had some oddball fascination with him”.

Neighbors confirmed that Eisenberg would often perform stunts when heavily intoxicated. Herman Gnarlless, who lives in a trailer adjacent to Eisenberg’s noted that “ One night I was sittin here just watchin reruns of MASH and I hears all this racket. I put my socks on and went outside and I almost passed out. Ole Lee was drunker than a monkey and all done up in a football helmet and wearin a cape and some other shit. He was ridin around on a bicycle whoopin and hollerin. Next thing I know, Lee takes his bike up on the roof of my trailer and he peddled it right off. He landed on my trash can. Bent the shit outta it. He still owes me money for that. I hope they put him away in some nut house for a long while. He ain’t right”.

Authorities are certain they will learn a great deal more about Mr. Eisenberg in the coming days. He remains behind bars in the Rochester city jail awaiting arraignment. No bond has been set.

Mrs. Clinton canceled her speech to the Democratic National Committee tonight. She will resume campaigning tomorrow in Iowa.

Submitted by TBC New Hampshire Correspondent, Farley Marsden

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


AC = Wolf Blitzer 3.0

Tonight's Republican Presidential Candidates Debate hosted by CNN in St. Petersburg Florida was uneventful despite the preceding hype. Billed as a ‘YouTube / CNN” debate, the format featured questions submitted by citizens via the Internet based social network Like most public and political discourse today, many of the questions and, certainly the format itself, appeared to be more entertainment rather than actual substantive answers to issue oriented questions. Certainly, the front runners were given ample opportunity to throw jabs while the others seemed pleased just to be on the stage. There were a few serious moments; particular answers that did give voice to the actual positions of the responding candidates. They were few indeed.

What was in fact most striking to the casual viewer, perhaps the viewer not accustomed to watching CNN as a source of news, was Andersen Cooper. Holy shit! Where did this mega-media giant find this brainless mannequin? There was a time not too long ago when only highly respected, esteemed journalists were presented with the honor of hosting a candidates debate. Of course those were the days when television news consisted primarily of the big three major broadcast networks and one or two cable based outlets. In those days, TV news anchors were iconic, trusted voices that spoke to Americans seriously about important matters. Yes. The world, our society, culture, media and collective intelligence is dramatically, if not traumatically different now. This is much to our disadvantage.

The point is that the men who anchored news programs were all veteran journalists, many very gifted, talented reporters and writers deeply engaged in the process of producing their broadcast. Now we have Andersen Cooper.

It is so painfully obvious that Mr. Cooper was not selected for his current position based on a resume’, education, inherent intelligence or any other objective ability required of a journalist. He scarily appears to have been created, fabricated out of new-aged composites based on the input from some American Idol addicted focus groups. This manicured, made-up, facsimile of a TV news anchor makes Chevy Chase of the old SNL Weekend Updates look like Edward R. Morrow. It must take a staff of dozens to cue, lead and point this garbonzo in the right direction. Lord knows every word he utters must be fed to him via that wireless earpiece that blends so inconspicuously with his mortuary pallor and aluminum colored hair. Clearly, this android is totally incapable of an original thought of any kind and apparently came equipped with the bare minimum of accessories. He can read a TelEPrompter, repeat what is whispered into his ear, look at the camera he is told to and not much else. Actually, in a sense, he is a marvel of our modern sophisticated techno-society, a true, genuine, representative product of our culture: a digitalized, pixelated, downloaded, overloaded, rebooted, multitasking, Hi-Def, Blue-Toothed, Wi-Fi amalgamation. He is “us”, he is what we have become, what we tolerate, what we accept and expect. He is non-substantive, more celebrity than journalist, more highly programmed, scripted, prompted and visual than intelligent. He could easily (and very well may have been) mass produced overseas with customer support available 24 / 7 via 1-800 something in Malaysia or Bangalore. He is Wolf Blitzer 3.0.

In loving memory of (in no particular order) Walter Cronkite, Tom Brokaw, David Brinkley, Chet Huntley, Bernard Shaw, John Chancellor, Roger Mudd, Marvin Kalb, Edmund Neumann, and so many others. You are missed.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Monday, November 26, 2007



Even a Cheap Hairpiece can’t Conceal an Empty Head

After 35 years in Congress, Mississippi Republican Senator Trent Lott announced his intention to resign by early January 2008. His announcement came as a shock to many of his senate colleagues and others because Mr. Lott had just won reelection in 2006. Lott’s political career appeared to be in real jeopardy in 2002 after he said publicly that “We would not have had all these problems all these years” if segregationist, Strom Thurmond had won the presidency in 1950. Lott lost his leadership position after that flap but managed to re-ingratiate himself with his GOP cohorts to once again attain a leadership post in the senate.

The real surprise should not be in his retirement announcement but rather in the fact that this barely literate imbecile managed to be achieve elected office in the first place. Mr. Lott, with his partisanship, racism and lacquered, freeze dried dime store hairpiece, spent his 35 years in office as a flack among flacks. Indeed, all politics is local and Mr. Lott delivered untold billions in pork to Mississippi. Beyond that sorry fact, Lott never distinguished himself as a legislator. He was and is a true politician, a schmoozer, a liar, thief and bagman. he will be infinitely successful as a K Street whore lobbyist.

Trent has always been a little too slick. In his latest display of that sleazy slickness, his desire to resign now allows him to seamlessly move into the parallel existence of all retiring congressmen; he can now become a lobbyist. The new legislation requiring two years to lapse between retirement and signing on as a high priced influence peddler has yet to go into effect. His timing is no coincidence despite whatever bullshit tripe he spewed out today in Pascagoula. So now, Trent is free to do in the private sector precisely what he has done in the public sector – screw the American people at every turn, line his pockets and enrich his coterie of good old boys down in Mississippi.

Trent Lott should be remembered not only as an embarrassment to the senate but also as one of those who helped usher in the particularly rabid brand of partisanship that has rendered our legislative branch useless. How many dirty deals has this flack been involved in back home and in Washington, DC? How many sweetheart deals has he crafted in the dark of the night? How much pork has he delivered unto Mississippi while that state remains struggling to educate their young, provide fore their needy and overall somehow move beyond its sordid past?

This avowed Christian Conservative’s conscience allowed him to line his own pockets, cheat and perpetuate a corrupt system in Mississippi even after the horrible destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina. no one can say with any degree of certainty just how much he and his cronies profited off the backs of the victims of that disaster. The only character trait Lott has ever displayed is that he has a lot of balls. He claims he can now retire because his post-Katrina work is done? it surely is. His home has been rebuilt to its pre hurricane grandeur while folks a mere 5 miles from his mansion remain in makeshift, often barely habitable shelter. Lott, represented by his brother-in-law Dickie Scruggs, is currently suing State farm Insurance over his Katrina damaged property.
Lotts and Lotts of balls, Trent.

Trent will now go on to make some real money. He will enter that elite group of former politicians who have access to their former colleagues and will shamelessly use that influence at every opportunity. Trent must also be somewhat of a gambler. He appears to have calculated that the odds of ever being reelected again and escaping from office before an indictment were just too close for comfort. Good riddance. One less scum bag in office is a start.

Hopefully, Trent will be a trendsetter or perhaps a harbinger of things to come. Maybe other lying, crooked buffoons like chinless Mitch McConnell will read the writing on the wall. They all need to go; all of them. The current republican caucus in the senate hasn’t even possessed the decency or will to banish their men's room sex-seeking, arrogant hypocrite, Larry “Wide Stance’ Craig. That speaks volumes about what they are made of as individuals and collectively; they are all filth.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


Reality Will Trump Corn-Fed Illusions

(Sioux City, IA) Post harvest time is when many farmers inject manure into the soil. This fall practice serves a dual purpose; it disposes of accumulated manure from confinement operations in an eco-friendly manner while providing fertilizing nutrients to the soil which had been depleted by the recently harvested crop.

Perhaps it is time to inject a little realism into the political landscape out here. We can dispose of a good deal of the excess bullshit expeditiously while restoring some sense of balance to the skewed and wacky formulations touted by various candidates’ campaign staffs, blowhard pundits and other self proclaimed political experts. The hyperbolic exhorting regarding the upcoming Iowa Caucuses, more outrageous each presidential cycle, have reached an unheralded level of absurdity. If one lesson has consistently been taught by the Caucus-goers of Iowa it is that the Iowa Caucuses are but a grain of sand on the presidential primary beach. Much to the chagrin of these poor, deluded souls, Iowa and all its alleged national political influence, is nothing more than a fallacy, a charade, a silly game. At best, Iowa serves as a winnowing factory, perhaps plucking out the darkest of the dark horses. The relatively small number of Iowans who venture out on a cold January night quadrennially serve as the bluntest, dullest blade with which the field is narrowed.

Reality. Now that is a far sharper cutting edge. Facts can quickly send the bravest of the long shots scurrying back to their cozy house or senate seat or whatever boardroom, state house or whorehouse from whence they emerged. If this statement causes you to pause, to doubt its accuracy, you may want to research the post-Iowa Caucus political careers of such statesmen and luminaries as former Iowa Caucus winners like Edmund Muskie, Tom Harkin or Dick Gephardt. Better still are the dimwits who managed to spin an “above expectations” showing into some hybrid form of victory like Pat Robertson, or Gary Bauer. This list is actually longer but why waste the time; the point should be obvious.

The Iowa Caucuses are the Paris Hilton of presidential primaries; they are important simply because the media and political professionals say they are. It can seem that way especially since every four years any half-assed, tenured academic who happens to teach political science at one of the many universities or colleges in Iowa, who has a microphone shoved in front of them by some network reporter, is only too happy to tell America just how important Iowa is.

Then, of course, there are the locals who salivate in anticipation of the media hoards streaming into this land that time forgot every four years. (The months preceding the caucuses are a real boon to local economies across the state.) Take a flack like David Yepsen, the semi-obese, disheveled political editor of the Des Moines Register. Mr. Yepsen finds himself the center of attention in a year like this; wined, dined and courted by candidates, pollsters and others seeking knowledge from the great oracle of Hawkeye politics. Let’s be real. The Des Moines Register is a rag, it is an embarrassment as a statewide newspaper. Anyone working for the Register is not there by choice. If they had any talent at all as journalists they would be working for a paper in Bismarck or Omaha or, if they were truly gifted, Peoria. So the well-fed, self-important, befuddled Yepsen (who spends the other 3 years every cycle writing insightful pieces on the machinations of feedlot odor legislation as it slinks its way through the state house) is provided the platform to analyze the race, and all its infinite nuances, for everyone else. Yes, indeed, Iowa is important. Iowa says so.

Inevitably, candidates, usually second tier wannabes actually positioning for a cabinet appointment or a cushy ambassadorship, buy into all this crapola. They begin to quietly craft there “Iowa Strategy” and tell any goon with a press pass how a victory or “better than expected showing” in this bogus contest will catapult them through the real primaries and into the White House. (Somebody probably promises bloated old pathetic Yepsen the White House Press Secretary job every four years.)

Now, we are hearing from the desperate, the candidates who are watching their presidential aspirations evaporate like tendrils of night fog over a cornfield at sunrise. As a public service, some stiff doses of reality are in order.

Mike Huckabee. A former Arkansas governor? Mike, despite your homespun, Southern Baptist preacher cadence and portable sincerity, you must have lost quite a few brain cells when you dropped all that body weight. Obviously, you have forgotten your own record as governor. Wait until the national media begins to put a little more scrutiny on that shady history. All the local party hacks have got you believing you really have a shot? Your faith in your chance of success is admirable no matter how delusional it may be. Bottom line, Mike, America may have elected imbeciles and maniacs to the highest office but there will never be a leader of the free world named sound too much like a game you’d find on the midway at the state fair. President Whack-A-Mole?? Get the drift?

What does Mitt, the name stand for? What does Mitt, the candidate stand for? Tough questions. Mitt, all these Iowa farmers and their wives certainly appreciated you paying for all of them to be bused into the Ames Straw Poll last August. It was mighty generous of you to pay them to get on your buses, to feed them, to feed them some more and then to put them back on your buses with doggie bags after they cast their votes for you. No doubt you can afford to buy every republican caucus vote in January but, that will most likely be the end of the line for you. It is not because you are a Mormon but because you are the emptiest of empty suits, a true to the core politician who will say anything to anybody about anything to get a vote. Perhaps you can write the Ames expenses off on your taxes. Enjoy the rest of your time here, Mitt. Super Tuesday will bury you.

Former Senator Edwards, you’ve spent more time in Iowa since you and Kerry blew the 2004 election than Tom Vilsack. Your roadside signs and direct mailing brochures are real pretty. You are very photogenic and you have “labor” behind you. “Labor”, as it is called, is a miniscule portion of the workforce. They, John, are the spoiled, coddled, over paid, greedy, benefit hogs that have contributed to the demise of American manufacturing and industry. They might trust some backwoods ambulance chasing Carolina trial attorney but, John, Iowa may be your one brief shinning moment. Oh, and, John...third place behind Shrillary and Obama will NOT be a victory of any kind.

Take heed Bill Richardson, Ron Paul, Fred Thompson and all the others who may be entertaining sweet dreams of caucus night celebrations, of raucous affairs in the swanky bars of Des Moines before venturing out of this state the day after destined for the ultimate prize. Iowa is not a field of dreams. That was a movie, a work of fiction. Wake up and smell the manure. That is the hallmark scent of this bland, barren place but a good west wind sweeps it towards Illinois quickly just as the Iowa winds and reality will sweep you all off the campaign trail.

(By the way, New Hampshire is just Iowa with pine trees.)

Cletus E. Yoder for TBC

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Public Wants Prez Candidates to take Polygraph and MMA Challenge

Des Moines, IA (Nov.11, 2007) Every November the Democratic State Party of Iowa hosts the Jefferson-Jackson dinner. Normally, this is a fund raising event and an opportunity for rising stars in the Party to introduce themselves to the public in a state that takes retail politics seriously. During a presidential campaign season, even more emphasis is assigned to this unusually bland and staid affair. Last night was anything but normal or usual here.

Outside the Veterans Memorial Arena where upwards of 9000 Party activists gathered to hear six democratic presidential hopefuls speak, the scene was raucous and rowdy. As the unseasonably mild night progressed, tempers flared, and various groups of protesters erupted into an angry, violent mob. The des Moines Police were caught off guard by this atypical scene. It was reported later that most of the DMPD officers assigned to the event were actually inside the arena eating some of the left over brautwursts, shredded pork, corn dogs, corn fritters and creamed corn from the earlier banquet. “Had all the cops who should have stayed on their assigned posts outside the arena, things would probably have not gotten so out of hand so quickly”, commented Major Burle Bumphfiester from the Iowa State Patrol.

The protests and riot last night capped off what was a very difficult week for the candidates in Iowa. Dogged by questions related to the two “challenges” issued to the them, the democratic candidates were met with hostile crowds and persistent reporters at every event. This was supposed to be a big week for them here, with the First in the Nation Iowa Caucuses just eight weeks away. Instead, their standard stump speeches and usual blather were not well received by the usually polite, docile Iowans. Many groups from outside of Iowa sent scores of protesters into this state, some to express support for the candidate of their choice, others to be as disruptive as possible.

Last nights riot was triggered by a contingent of protesters representing the Mud Wrestling Midget Tossing Association had an angry clash with the Lesbians Transgender Action Committee. Once these two groups became physical it appeared that the 2000 or so other protesters became enraged and were no long content to just carry signs and yell their causes slogans.

While the protesters seemed to represent very diverse groups, they seemed to share their support for the Democratic Presidential Candidate Polygraph Challenge as well as the UFC offer to have the candidates fight each other in the Octagon. “You’re goddamned right I want to see them all hooked up to a polygraph and I want to see them kickin the ever lovin crap outta each other”, said Earle Belcher from the organization, Bikers United Against Genital Warts.

While the riot was relatively quickly subdued, inside the Arena, the Party faithful heard the six candidates present deliver their standard pitches. Senator Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton appeared to step up their contest within a contest. Each made pointed references to the other yet neither moved non-committed voters their way. At one point Senator Obama called Hillary a controlling, castrating bitch who is so confused about her own sexual identity that she would be ineffective as president”. Mrs. Clinton, who revealed a violent somewhat psychotic side this week, countered during her speech that “My opponent from Illinois can’t answer a straight question, has no record in the Senate and would invite Fidel Castro, Kim Jong Ill and Hugo Chavez to the White House for Kwanzaa. Give me a fuckin’ break”.

“I like Hillary and Mr. Obama. I really don’t know who I will vote for. I sorta wish that little guy that looks like an alien was here”’ said Dolores Udder from Dung Flats, Iowa referring to Dennis Kucinich. Aides to the Ohio Congressman said that Kucinich had decided to skip the Jefferson-Jackson banquet to devote time to his physical training. According to these unnamed sources, Mr. Kucinich is planning to announce this week his decision to accept both the “Polygraph” and UFC Challenges. “Dennis feels very strongly that the public has the right to see the candidates be asked questions under polygraph. That is what makes this country great. Dennis also thinks it is very important that American’s are sure that the next president is tough, strong and can take a punch. He plans on fighting everyone of his democratic opponents in the Octagon and is also considering challenging Dick Cheney to a duel. Most folks outside Cleveland don’t realize that despite his sickly, leukemic looks and malnourished appearance, he was a gifted wrestler in grade school and one beat a stray dog with a stick. He’s no pushover.” It has been rumored that Kucinich has secreted himself in an isolated camp somewhere in California with a group of professional trainers, athletes, coaches, swamis and New Age herbalists. The San Francisco Chronicle reported on Friday that the Kucinich training team includes Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, Pete Rose, George Foreman and luminaries from the world of MMA including Tim “The Maniac” Silvia, Mad Dog Bersurka, Rabid Raymond Gouge and The Magnificent Mimi. All indications are the diminutive Kucinich is taking his training very seriously.

None of the democrats seeking their party’s nomination has yet decided to accept or refuse either challenge. Much of the violence outside the arena tonight was a direct reaction from an increasingly angry public. Polls conducted this past week by major media outlets consistently illustrate the publics overwhelming support for both challenges.

As the campaign edges ever closer to january 3, 2008, top advisers from each candidates camp agree that this upcoming week is very important. Chet Cremasteric, media adviser to the Edwards camp said “These “Challenges” are sucking the oxygen from the campaign. They threaten to derail some well laid plans. We must prepare to announce our decision this week or it could get very nasty. Frankly, I’d like to see Hillary hooked up to a lie detector. That would be historic and it would certainly be the end of her presidential aspirations”.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


GOP Candidates Show Confusion;
Walk fine line between Glee & Concern

Des Moines, IA (Nov. 6, 2007, TBC Exclusive) In the wake of the dramatic “Polygraph Challenge” issued by an anonymous financier to the democratic presidential candidates, those vying for that office on the GOP side have been remarkably quiet. They seem apprehensive in offering their comments regarding the “Challenge”. Some pundits have speculated that the republican candidates are worried that they may soon find themselves facing the same predicament as their democratic rivals. “If they gloat over this thing they may find it backfiring. It would not take much for some wealthy individual to lay down a similar gauntlet to the republicans”, said former Reagan Administration Communications Director, Ed Rollins.

These concerns where echoed in various ways by operatives from each of the GOP candidate’s camps. Actually, some have expressed a sense of resignation, saying that it is “just a matter of time” before they have to confront a similar challenge. “This can get awful sloppy real quick”. said a top advisor to Mitt Romney, adding “If lie detectors are going to be used in presidential campaigns, how are we supposed to function”?

This question is being asked by politicians of every stripe across the country. While they wrestle with the concept, public support for candidates being subjected to questioning under polygraph is rapidly catching on. A telephone poll conducted by InSight, Inc. and the Wall Street Journal yesterday showed an overwhelming number of respondents, 87%, were in favor of having candidates take lie detector tests administered by independent or neutral parties. This level of consistency held across all demographic lines including race, gender, income and party affiliation. “They have brought this on themselves”, said Jeanette Furpo from suburban Chicago. Mrs. Furpo added that “since we have been lied to for so long about such gravely important matters, we should have some sort of proof that candidates seeking our votes are telling the truth”.

While the voting public may be excited about seeing candidates take lie detector tests, political scientists, consultants and officials from both major parties, are not as fond of the idea. Dr. Norman Hale Splain, head of the Political Studies Department at North Central Canyon State University in Nampa, Idaho said “we have a democratic process that has stood the test of time for hundreds of years. It used to be that American’s could sense when they were being lied to. Actually, it was not until they realized that they had been lied to did they begin to realize that they should have known they were being lied to all along. It was basically after Viet Nam that the public came to grips with the fact that their government could, would and had lied to them”. Former Kansas Senator and GOP presidential candidate in 1996, Bob Dole commented, “ah…lie detectors? That makes no sense. What exactly are they trying to detect”?

A small minority of commentators not only embraced this idea but propose taking it a few bold steps further. Gillian Raye Snodgruss from Planned Parenthood stated “Every republican office holder should not only be put under oath and hooked up to a polygraph, they should all be asked questions in a public forum and stoned to unconsciousness if they lie”. Larry “Slug” Ramson, co-founder of ‘Screw the World’, a right wing political action committee said, “ hail, they should all be beaten up, given truth serum, stripped naked and deprived of food, water, sleep and toilet privileges. I bet they’d start singing like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir when they was asked questions under them there conditions”.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Monday, November 5, 2007


Candidates Struggle with Decision to Participate or Not
Public Supports the “Challenge”

Clive, Iowa (Nov 5., 2007, TBC Exclusive) As a Canadian front passed over this state last night, unusually high winds followed behind it. Much of Iowa was under a strong wind advisor today while the Democratic presidential candidates tried to weather the winds that came out of nowhere yesterday in the form of a mysterious challenge. While the man behind what is being dubbed the “Democratic Candidate's Polygraph Challenge”, remains shielded behind high powered New York law and public relations firms, the candidates themselves suddenly find themselves in an especially awkward position.

Yesterday, each of the campaigns received a set of legal documents which posed the challenge to them to submit to questioning while being polygraphed. The questions will be asked by the mystery man who has vowed to award the first Democratic candidate who passes the lie detector test $2.5 million which the winner can dole out to charities, organizations or nonprofit groups as they see fit.

As the democrats fanned out across the state, none seemed willing to comment directly about the “Challenge”. As Hillary Clinton made an appearance at the Turkey Truckers Association of Iowa, she was pelted by questions from the press and public. She ignored all inquiries regarding whether or not she would accept the “Challenge”.

While evading this question was the tactic of choice for Senators Clinton, Obama and Dodd, the average Iowan expressed enthusiastic endorsements of the concept of having candidates polygraphed. “Heck, it’s a real shame it takes something like this but, shoot, they simply won’t tell the truth otherwise”, lamented Stump Grubberling, a turkey farmer from Newton, Iowa. Most of the citizens attending today’s events were urging all the democratic presidential hopefuls to accept the “Challenge”. “Shouldn’t be a big deal now should it sweetie”?, asked Phyllis Schwackenbokken, a retired mule breeder from Duncombe, Iowa.

Behind the scenes each of the campaigns had operatives here in Iowa, as well as in Washington DC and New York City feverishly trying to determine the identity of the man behind this “Challenge” as well as meeting with party officials on how best to navigate the storm gathering around them. “We have been on this all night and all day. We have some very good intelligence and politically connected insiders and we still don’t know who this guy is”, said Lawrence DuPont, a top advisor to Senator Joe Biden.

The prestigious New York public relations firm, Donahue, Duffy and Dowd, who represents the mystery financier, continued to deflect all attempts at unmasking his identity. Francis McNamara, speaking for the ‘Triple D” PR firm stated, “Our client will make his identity known as soon as one of these candidates steps up and accepts his proposal. Until that time, he will remain anonymous”.

Each of the campaigns internally have been speculating about the identity of the very wealthy man whose proposal has the potential to alter the entire presidential race. One of the many attorneys in the Hillary Clinton camp, who made her comments anonymously noted, “This is a scary situation. Donald Trump might be behind this whole thing or it could be just another fringe element from the vast right-wing conspiracy.”

Ohio Congressman and presidential candidate, Dennis Kucinich thus far, has been the only candidate, in the field of seven, to actually say he will “accept the challenge”. However, his advisors seemed to be backing away from that position today saying that “Dennis meant what he said last night. He will take the lie detector challenge but, he has to know a bit more first”. This statement did indeed put some distance between Mr. Kucinich’s very passionate comments made late last night in the lobby of the Motel 8 in Blotchard, Iowa.

Perhaps the most cautious, circumspect and cryptic comments came from the Barak Obama camp. One of his top media strategists told a local radio show in Hiawatha, Iowa that “The senator is considering all the facets of this complex issue. He is, naturally, intrigued by the notion of answering questions on substantive issue while hooked up to a polygraph machine, he is reluctant to commit before he can commit himself to examine his reluctance”.

At the busy Flying J Truckstop off interstate 80 in Clive, hungry truckers bellied up to the expansive buffet spread as the sun slid into the western horizon. A self described ‘Independent’ voter, driver Doyle Tandunm from Carthage, Missouri said, “I think all them oughta be tarred and feathered. Anyone running for president should have to take not only a lie detector test but should also have to wrassle a rabid grizzly bear”. When further queried about his comments, the moderately obese trucker elaborated that “I learnt what hard times is when I was a POW in Nam. They captured me and connected the battery from a warship to my privates and turnt up the juice. I tolt them nothin’ but my name, rank and serial number. That’s whut i learnt about the damned truth, mister”. Mr. Tandunm seemed to become increasingly agitated and ultimately had to be physically restrained by several of his brother truckers. One of them, a close friend from Carthage said, “Doyle’s a good ole boy. He come home from Nam kinda squirrly. He was a black-ops, sniper-type re-con Marine in the Special Forces assigned to a CIA Seal Team. You can’t talk no politics to him”.

Obviously, the talk about the $2.5 million “Challenge” is just beginning. Shortly, as the public support for this event grows, each of the democratic hopefuls will have to take a stand. If Mr. Tandunm is representative of the public sentiment, than it would be wise for the candidates to make their decisions known sooner rather than later.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Sunday, November 4, 2007


Mysterious Financier Behind $2.5 Million Offer

Campaigns React with Concern & Apprehension

Des Moines, Iowa (Nov. 4, 2007, TBC Exclusive) In the chilly predawn hours this morning, representatives from the exclusive New York public relations firm Donahue, Duffy and Dowd, fanned out across this bland midwestern state capitol to deliver documents to the campaign headquarters of each of the democratic presidential candidates. Soon after receiving these documents, a series of phone calls, e-mails and text messages were flowing between high level advisors and operatives from each of the candidates camps.

At an unprecedented, hastily arranged meeting several hours later, they all gathered in a private dinning room at the Holiday Inn on Merle Hay Road, across from the State Fairgrounds, to discuss the set of documents each had received and read. Among the participants were some of the candidates closest confidantes. This reporter was permitted exclusive access under the auspices of Donahue, Duffy and Dowd. (Full disclosure compels this reporter to reveal that there has been a previous business relationship with Donahue, Duffy and Dowd and that they initiated contact with this reporter in this matter.)

As their discussion unfolded, cappuccinos, hot coffee, and soy milk was consumed in abundance, it soon became clear that each of the campaigns had received identical sets of documents. The only difference between them was to whom they were addressed. This reporter was given a brief opportunity to read through a set of these documents and was able to examine each of them to confirm that they were in fact contextually identical as well as to confirm that there was one set addressed specifically to each democratic presidential candidate by name.

After several pages of legalese, contractual language and binding stipulations, the actual message contained within them became clear. At first glance they could be easily dismissed as some kind of a hoax or prank. However, the fact that the highly esteemed New York Law Firm , Palermo Associates, (who represent some of the wealthiest, most secretive clients in America), had drafted these documents, immediately dispelled the notion that they were anything other than valid. One conference call to the Palermo Associates office in New York City quickly confirmed that the proposal, specifics and details stated in these identical sets of documents were authentic and to be taken seriously. Since the terse end of that conference call, they have indeed been taken very seriously.

Essentially, each of the candidates has been issued a direct challenge from one of the wealthiest men in America. His identity remains unknown by the candidates but, Palermo Associates have provided sufficient proof that his challenge, the proposal as delivered is absolutely legal, binding and nonnegotiable. The money offered is in a secure escrow account presently.

The challenge is that the first democratic presidential candidate who passes a privately issued polygraph test, will receive $2.5 million dollars. The polygraph will be paid for and conducted by the Palermo Associates client, at a neutral, secure facility to be revealed only upon acceptance of the challenge. If any of the candidates actually accept this challenge and prevail, then the award money would immediately be directed to the organization of their choosing. One of the stipulations of the challenge is that all the questioning asked the polygraph will be conducted by the mysterious financier himself. Additional stipulations and clauses dictate details such as travel, logistics and security matters for any of the candidates who agree and accept the challenge. Palermo Associates, issued a statement from their client which read, in part that “Our client will pay all travel, lodging, security and incidental expenses for each candidate that accepts my challenge”.

A high ranking campaign operative from the Hillary Clinton’s staff commented anonymously that she doesn’t know “if this money is coming from Bill Gates, Warren Buffet or Hugo Chavez. We just know it is a large amount of money”. The comments from the Edwards camp were somewhat mildly enthusiastic seemingly indicating that Mr. Edwards may be interested in accepting the challenge. One of his closest advisors, who provided his comments not for attribution stated, “John Edwards tells the truth. He could pass any polygraph at any time. I assure you, he will consider all the details of the challenge very carefully, and will do what he thinks is right”.

After 90 minutes this advisors meeting adjourned. Each of the campaign representatives hurried back to their respective hotel suites to discuss this extraordinary proposal with the candidates personally. “This is a remarkable development in an already intense campaign season” said Leonard Coyle, a Political Scientist at the Hoover Museum in West Branch, Iowa. “I don’t recall any similar event ever occurring. Actually, if you think about it, it is an intriguing conundrum. If a candidate refuses the challenge, that begs the question, ‘what are they hiding’?, but, if a candidate takes the polygraph and fails, well, then their political life is over” added Dr. Coyle.

This reporter received an e-mail from Dino Venucci, an attorney with Palermo Associates that said, in part, “ Our client is a serious man, not affiliated with any political party, cause or ideology. He is a patriot, a strict believer in our Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and our Constitution. He is of the firm belief that much of the rationale of our Founding Fathers is revealed in the Federalist Papers. Frankly, it would be an insult not to my client, but to the entire population of the United States for any of these candidates to not accept his challenge”. Within this same e-mail several other details were reiterated including the conditions that would befall any candidate who failed the polygraph. Basically, they would have 24 hours to publicly announce that they had taken and failed the polygraph. They would also publicly declare that they were immediately ending their presidential bid and would resign from whatever public office they may hold within 30 days. If either of these conditions are not met, the video tapes of their actual polygraph sessions will be released to all the major media outlets.

Francis Xavier McNamara, Chief Information Officer for Donahue, Duffy and Dowd said during a phone interview that “ Our client is among the richest men on the planet, certainly one of the most private. His identity, at this time, is wholly unimportant. What is important is the truth. He is willing to pay for the truth, to see if any of the democrats seeking to be our next president, can and will tell the truth”. McNamara added that, “our client is not trying to create a circus here. His is a simple proposition. He will ask a series of questions to a candidate during a video taped polygraph session at a secure undisclosed location. It will be a non-confrontational session. It will be a political issues oriented Q and A. What candidate can refuse”?

Despite Mr. McNamara’s and Mr. Venucci’s comments, it became apparent as the day unfolded here in Iowa , that not each of the presidential hopefuls agreed with them.

All of the democratic candidates have campaign headquarters in Des Moines. The upcoming Iowa Caucuses to be held on January 3, 2008, are the first true test among actual voters for them. They are all presently in,or will be in Iowa within days to campaign this week. All of the candidates admit to the importance of the Iowa Caucuses. Politically, Iowa is the first major test for presidential aspirants from both parties.

As of this evening the only candidate’s staff to release an unambiguous reply to the challenge has been the Kucinich Media Office. In a brief press release they state that “Denis Kucinich will answer questions, debate, argue, with anyone, anywhere about anything anytime for free. He does not require some financial incentive to tell the truth. You can count him in. Actually, he is already planning how he will disperse his $2.5 million award. He will give equal portions to, Planned Parenthood, The Rainbow Coalition,The NAACP, The ACLU, and The Area 51 Truth Project”.

Highly regarded political reporter from the Des Moines Register, David Yepsen, seems to have been caught off guard by this development. Unusually adept at breaking Iowa political headlines, Yepsen’s staff said he has been “on the phone all afternoon trying to get a handle on this. Hillary and Edwards are in Iowa today campaigning. They are being very tightlipped about this challenge. David tried to speak with Dodd and Biden but was unable to. Bill Richardson was very cautious with his comments. He really couldn’t get much done because Denis Kucinich kept calling. Finally Yep had to get out of the office”. His staff implied that Yepsen is meeting with representatives of several candidates tonight somewhere near Fort Dodge to attempt to “ Figure this out. This is, it’s huge.”

Indeed, in the history of presidential primary campaigns this challenge is an unprecedented phenomenon which each of the candidates will have to carefully consider. Their are inherent risks in every phase of a political campaign. All variables, unknowns or surprises are unwelcome and can be unsettling. Each of the candidates must be comfortable with their decision to take this challenge, (or not). Each of them must decide and weigh the repercussions of being directly questioned under polygraph, while being video taped. They will be alone in a room with the men asking the questions, no advisors or handlers will be present. Their decisions and response to this challenge will, most assuredly, alter the face of the campaign and may, in fact, determine who our next president will be.

Contributors to this exclusive were Cletus E. Yoder and Farley Marsden from TBC, Ann Marie Tucci from the New York Independent and Som Yong Foo from WART Syndicated Radio Networks. Article written by Feature Reporter, TBC.
Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Friday, November 2, 2007


He was one of them. One among the millions who answered their country’s call during a time of great need. He had lived through the Great Depression with them and, when war came to America, he and his brethren brought the fight to our enemies. Behind their military efforts millions of others labored on the “home front” unleashing unparalleled industrial productivity, engineering ingenuity, scientific development well beyond its time thereby forever altering the course of history and all that was to follow. In four short years they prevailed on numerous military fronts, ultimately victorious in a world wide war, they showed their greatness as beneficent victors. They returned home igniting the growth of this nation allowing it to emerge, as they aged, as a pre-eminent global leader, standing alone by 1989, triumphant, as the” Lone Superpower.”

He was of that generation that, almost posthumously, became celebrated as “The Greatest Generation”. And that they were. They put one foot in front of the other and carried on. They did what needed to be done without question, complaint or conflict. They did not seek recognition or reward. Most never spoke of their experiences during those years. It was this quiet strength and humility that finally brought them their due as we looked inward at what we had become.

He was one of those millions who did not seek the moment yet gracefully allowed the moment to find him. Indeed, many were called, few chosen. History found these men and women, they sought it not.

We learn about some of these people, we are somewhat vaguely familiar with their names. Today, they are probably alien to students in high school and college. Students, media and our culture as a whole, are more interested in celebrity and sports, scandals and crime than in our not-so-distant-history.

Putting aside all the subsequent controversy surrounding his most historic act, for the moment putting on hold the debate that has raged for the last 60 years, we should take a moment to look simply at the man. Yesterday, November 1, 2007, 92 years after his birth in Quincy, Illinois on February 23, 1915, Paul Tibbets died.

Paul Tibbets, who was hand-picked in September 1944 to lead the ultra secret 509th Composite Group of the Army Air Corps, will live on in history more for what he was part of than for who he was. But, he was one of them. He was given a task, a task so new and novel that many involved feared they could ignite the atmosphere and destroy the earth.

While the famous and not yet famous scientists, physicists and engineers labored under the tutelage of Robert Oppenheimer at Los Alamos, while General Leslie Groves oversaw a vast, unprecedented industrial effort with facilities from coast to coast, Lt. Col. Paul Tibbets had to devise the safest, most effective method by which to deliver the first atomic bomb. He carefully chose his crews and staff, stripped down the huge B-29 “Flying Fortress” to accommodate the weight of his unique payload and trained for precise delivery for many months in secrecy near Wendover, Nevada before relocating his operations to the theater of combat in the South Pacific. The 509th set up shop on Tinian Island and prepared for the day President Truman would send word to make the 1700 mile flight to Japan. That call came and his famously “infamous” mission began in the predawn hours of August 6th, 1945.

The utilization of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima that day and on Nagasaki, three days later, was the course chosen by Mr. Truman as an alternative to a land invasion of main land Japan. Estimates of American casualties from such an assault ran as high as one million dead. General Douglas MacArthur speculated it could take up to “ten years” top wipe out pockets of Japanese resistance.

Paul Tibbets memorialized his mother by painting her name, Enola Gay, on the B-29 he piloted that day. He knew not, could not have possibly ever imagined, the ramifications, repercussions and perpetual consequences his mission would produce.

Before his death Retired general Paul W. Tibbets requested that his ashes be scattered over the English Channel where he had flown so many missions prior to his command of the 509th. Also, at his request, there will be no tombstone or marker signifying his final resting place. He feared such a site would attract his detractors, protestors and that it would become not a place of rest but a scene of conflict. This humble, decent man had endured enough back lash in life, he sought true rest for his eternal soul.

Paul Tibbets said as late as 2005 that he never regretted dropping the bomb, never lost sleep over it. Such comments have been used by his many detractors to caste him as cold, monstrous, unfeeling. He was none of those. He was much more than he ever let on or anyone ever knew.

In my life I have been blessed to know some of them. Men, whose names are never to be written in history books, yet none less heroic for their efforts during World War II. I have sat besides them on the subway, passed them on the street, and have seen them in church. I have drank with them in bars from the South Bronx to Hoboken. Some remained strangers; nothing more than familiar faces here and there. Others I came to know well, very well, some well enough to mourn their passings to this day.

Men like my uncles Joe and Steve. Men like Sante Cantonese from South Philly and Sergeant Major Larry Massino who turned 18 as a Marine on Tarawa. Men like John Avallone, Bill Boss, and Bill Collins. Men who were on Normandy, and in North Africa. Men, who as boys served on ships, make shift bases and in the infantry. Men (boys) who knew, as they stood on a wooden landing craft riding the waves into some anonymous out-cropping of rock in the South Pacific, that they would most likely die that very day. They were my mentors and teachers, coaches and disciplinarians.

Of course, there is my father; a man possessed of such quiet dignity and strength. He lived through it all from the depression and into today always teaching, always speaking quietly, telling me the stories of those men. It was he who sat on the edge of my bed in the Murphy room when I was a child and told me things like, “With the help of God and a few Marines, MacArthur returned to the Philippines”, and “Uncommon valor was a common virtue”.

I am proud to have known such things from such an early age; it has some how allowed me to have, to feel a connection with that time. It has provided me a respect for history and those who made it even though they did not realize it at the time.

Today, as I approach deeper middle-age, I appreciate it all the more. Reading of Paul Tibbets death yesterday stirred me. It hit me subtlety and overtly, it brought back some memories I’d not pawed in some time. I thank my father for the memories, lessons and appreciations he gave me. I prayed for Paul Tibbets soul last night. May he find eternal peace. And that is the prayer I will offer for my father when his time comes which, I believe, remains a long way off. After all, those guys are survivors.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2007 BronxWest Consulting

Thursday, November 1, 2007


Rice useless in Foggy Bottom

(Alexandria, VA., Nov. 1, 2007, TBC) Things are going so well for the United States in Iraq that foreign service officers, career State Department personnel, would rather quit their jobs than do a tour of duty in Iraq. That’s right. Those poor, over paid, federal flunkies accustomed to biding their time, building their pensions and having nice duty stations are refusing to go to Iraq. Despite the fact that they would be safely ensconced in what is, arguably, the most secure embassy compound on the planet, well within the ultra-fortified “Green Zone” in central Baghdad, the State Department has had to resort to threatening termination of those refusing to go. The present vacancies and staffing needs for our efforts in Iraq are significant. If those ordered to serve their would rather quit, what possible chance is there that a political -diplomatic apparatus will ever be functional there?

For years the world has known there is no military solution for the nightmare that is Iraq today. Every commission and committee, military and civilian expert has loudly proclaimed that a “political” effort is THE only way to somehow extricate our troops from the mess they are in. That has not happened, nor will it any time soon. No one is willing to go there and do the job.

The initial civilian staff that took over such efforts after our occupation began, under the direction of the loose canon and world class imbecile, Paul Bremmer, were all young, inexperienced Republican political appointees. They were there, on a government salary, because their daddy had given to the big George W political machine or they knew someone that knows someone. It was a nice field trip for well bred, wealthy Christian conservatives. Special training or skills were not requisites. There was nary an Arabic speaker in the lot of them. This went largely unnoticed by the press and public at the time simply because it was just another blunder in an ocean of blunders. Amid the mass of tragic errors and fatal flagrant failures of George W., Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld and all their hapless, arrogant minions, the foreign service situation was just another mistake. Oh, but what a mistake it was and now, five years into this morass, it remains an enormous problem.

Condolezza Rice and her State Department have failed as miserably and completely as did George Tenet and his “Slam Dunkin’” CIA, Rumsfeld and his Pentagon, Cheney and his neo-con staffed “Shadow white House”, and the Bush Administration as a whole.

It seems that our foreign service members have grown far too accustomed to the easy duty stations. Probably no one refuses to serve in a Consulate in Tahiti or the US Embassy in Rome. Nope; just imagine all the beautiful cities in the world where they can serve, enjoy life, collect their bloated salaries and basically do nothing. Now, at a critical time for our country, this State department and our present diplomatic / foreign service corps, they are refusing to serve as assigned if that assignment means Baghdad.

Strangely, our military personnel have no such trump card to pull. They serve as assigned or else. That’s it. They are truly the best of us, the bravest of us and the most noble. They are largely young enlisted personnel who do what they are told with valor, dignity, skill, resolve and character. Perhaps the State department should recruit some veteran NCO’s and junior officers to fill the rash of vacancies in the foreign service. At least they would have experience and characteristics that would serve them well. They would have a practical, invaluable knowledge of the reality of the situations throughout that war torn, tumultuous failing nation.

There is not an agency within our federal intelligence, defense, diplomatic, executive, judicial or legislative branches that has not been exposed over the last six years. Their individual and collective incompetence, ineptitude and negligence have been laid bare for all the world to see. This entire travesty has been presided over by the worst president in our history.

So, our diplomats want to walk out instead of serve. Fine. let them all go. Let’s clean house, every inch of ingrained, entrenched idiocy, pettiness and dereliction of duty throughout our federal government. Afterwards, let’s hire some vets; we can use their proven traits, experience, character and allow real brains to be in positions of civilian authority.

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved