Friday, November 14, 2008


Bad Science, Bad Policies, Bad News

As various inept government agencies bicker and suck the taxpayer’s money up, real citizens are left to make sense of what is dropped into their collective lives.

Case in point: Hills, Iowa. Approximately 8 miles south of Iowa City, the bedroom community of about 800 has no traffic light, is headquarters of the Hills Bank, has two bar / restaurants, a convenience store, a large agribusiness and no municipal water supply. It is as bland, plain and unremarkable a place as any small burg throughout the Midwest. Water had been a controversial issue for many years. The rift between those residents seeking a public water supply and those opposed was longstanding and bitter. The majority of folks seemed content relying on their own, shallow, sand-point wells for their water. Some had invested in deeper, lined wells and were equally content and confident in the safety of their water. Plus: it was free.

In 2003 the EPA, while investigating sites were the federal government stockpiled grain during WWII, they incidentally found perchlorate in the water table beneath Hills. Overnight the residents found themselves beneath the weight of the EPA as they invaded with their plans to investigate the mysterious presence of perchlorate. They were going to probe, dig wells, take samples and, in the process, disrupt and intrude on the lives of the residents as well as the few businesses. One business, in particular, was singled out and was, in fact, a natural suspect.

Stutsman, Inc., a large, family owned feed and fertilizer company occupies approximately 80 acres on Hills southern border. On their property are many warehouses, a large tank farm and several mix plants in which fertilizers are blended, herbicides and other chemicals handled and stored. Stutsman had been on this site for over 60 years and, their facilities and services grew with their success. The EPA subtly implicated Stutsman, Inc. as the likely source of the perchlorate contamination before the first soil probe was taken. The investigation team dispatched out of the EPA Region 7 Office in Kansas City immediately put the onus on Stutsman; they had to shoulder the burden of proof in reverse. Theirs was the task of disproving their culpability in and responsibility for the presence of the water problem.

Over their long, dominant, at times oppressive, history in Hills, Stutsman, Inc. was reviled by many residents for their often ruthless business practices, deep connections with the Hills Bank and a host of other reasons real and imagined. There real growth began in the 19070’s when they became among the first such businesses to adopt the concept of liquid fertilizer rather than the then the conventional utilization of dry fertilizers. As this caught on with local farmers, they grew accordingly adding tanks, mixing / blending facilities and equipment. Many of the Hills residents were convinced that Stutsman operated with impunity, beyond the burgeoning environment, agricultural and regulatory laws governing fertilizers and chemicals. They were known for their belligerence and outright defiance in the face of regulatory agencies as well as the blatant use of an “old boy’s network” with the various state regulatory offices. The majority of the town thought Stutsman HAD to be responsible.

As the residents’ divided into two polarized camps, those blaming Stutsman, those not, the EPA continued their invasion. The most glaring absence related to the EPA’s “investigation” was facts. They could not say with any certainty what ‘acceptable” levels of this chemical said to be used in rocket fuels was. Sure, this unfamiliar chemical was also naturally present in some mined products used as fertilizers at one time. This single fact mistakenly narrowed the EPA’s focus, blinded them to what the facts on the ground were and prolonged their investigations which allowed the resentments among the town folks to thrive.

The EPA investigation revealed the contours of the “plume” of the contaminant in the aquifer. Several “hot spots” were identified, neither of which were on the property of or even within relative proximity to the Stutsman facility. Essentially Stutsman had been exonerated and the EPA was no further along in understanding the source. They had no compunction imposing water use restrictions on homes located above the heart of the plume.

The EPA came, saw and confused. They dumped the entire mess in the laps of the hapless municipal government of Hills. All sorts of remedies, remediation methods and proposals were floated from those more interested in making a quick buck rather than actually providing clean water to the town. Opportunists filled in the void left by the EPA as they scurried back to Kansas City leaving Hills ina cloud of dust and in the dark.

Not too long ago the latest water referendum failed; the town chose to remain without a common supply. Five years after the EPA came to Hills, the residents are as puzzled today as they were on day one. They have watched their property values plumment, some of left for fear their children's health may have been threatened. Older timers wonder about deaths from long ago...what really killed him or her? Could it have been this perchlorate? No one will ever know the answers to the multitude of questions now part of the landscape of Hills, Iowa.

The town of Hills is locally known as the host and presenter of an impressive Fourth of July fireworks show. Oddly, one of the identified hot spots identified by the EPA is directly under the site these fioreworks have been launched from for years. Perchlorate, some traces of it, are presnt in many fireworks. Coincidence? Do decades of fireworks set off by drunken locals explain the aquifer plume?

These are just some of the quetions the EPA has left in it's wake. Folks in Hills can chose individually what the source of their water will be. They can do as they always have, use a bottled product or drill a new, deeper, lined well. They still need and use water.

The damage inflicted on them by the EPA is far greater than the problem that brought them. They were seen as their to help the town ouit of this crisis and left despised by everyone. They said good luck and see ya.

Click on title for permalink to:
EPA Advisers Seek Perchlorate Review
Scientists Hope Agency Rethinks Decision Not to Issue Standard

at the Washington Post Online.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Suspect in Countrywide Crime Spree

Joe the Fugitive

(Nov.12, Peru, IL) The unemployed, unlicensed Ohio plumber who gained international notoriety during the recent Presidential campaign has been sighted in various locations across the country since his brazen assault on an Obama look-a-like on November 2nd. After eluding numerous Secret Service agents as well as other law enforcement officers, the man known to the world as Joe the Plumber has been on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. He is second on that infamous list behind Osama bin Laden.

Presently the most extensive manhunt in recent history is underway led by the FBI and Federal Marshall’s Service. FBI Special Agent in Charge, Kurt Mahnhole commented, “There have been literally hundreds of alleged sighting of Wurzelbacher all over the country. We have some solid leads that we are pursuing but it looks like it may be a protracted hunt. We have reasons to believe that Joe is being aided by help from citizens. The public needs to be aware that he is a fugitive facing numerous federal, state and local charges. He is not a nice guy. Anyone helping him will be charged with aiding and abetting as well as obstruction of justice. This is no joke. This plumber is an out of control lunatic that needs to be captured or killed before he hurts anyone else.”

The latest reported sighting of Joe the Plumber was in Boise, Idaho. Clark Burlap, a local manure farmer, told Boise police that he saw the fugitive late Sunday night. “I was in the Deli Mart buying a 12 pack of Old Style Lite and some chewing tobacco and I saw this tall bald guy over by the beef jerky. He looked kinda’ suspicious and sorta’ familiar. Suddenly, I realized it was that insane plumber guy that ran for president. I went over to shake his hand but, as I approached him, he tossed a box of Slim Jims at me. They hit me in the face. He ran out the door without paying for the stuff he had in his hands. Looked to me he got away with about 6 dollars worth of jerky and a few Snickers. I’m sure glad he didn’t win the election although I thought that gal from Alaska he was runnin’ with was pretty hot.”

Reports of Joe sightings have come in from locations as distant as Opelika, Florida; Paducah, Kentucky; Bayonne, New Jersey; Holly Pond, Alabama, and a host of cities and towns in between. One unemployed Baltimore man, who identified himself only as Buck, called the FBI hotline and told the agent, “I just seen Joe the Plumber coming out of a tavern. He looked drunk. I knew it was him even though he was wearing a disguise. He had an afro wig on his head, was wearing a Boston Celtics jacket and shorts. He was also carrying a tennis racket. Last I saw him he was getting on a bus.”

Law enforcement officials swarmed on the bar, Slappy’s, on Canal Street in Baltimore just minutes after receiving the call from Buck. Slappy’s owner, Sylvester “Slappy” Papaslapodous told the officers that “This tall guy comes in here and orders a shot and a beer. He puts a twenty on the bar. I knows he ain’t from around here because I don’t get many drinkers in here that ain’t from around here. Know what I mean? Anyways, he keeps ordering shots of Crown Royal and drinkin’ beer and was getting’ pretty tanked. He started botherin’ the other guys. Hey, they are my regulars, know what I mean, so I tells him to back the fuck off them and shut his goddamned mouth. He asked me to change the channel on the TV. We was watchin’ wrestling and he wanted us to put on Fox News. That was when I threw him out.”

Federal Marshall Troy S. Burning held a brief press conference earlier today from one of the field headquarters for the manhunt. Speaking to a large contingent from the media, Marshall Burning said, “We know he is wearing disguises. We know he is robbing convenience stores, tattoo parlors, hair & nail salons, truck stops and bingo games. His image has been captured on several surveillance cameras in various locations. We have photos which we will release to the press with this mope, Wurzelbacher, wearing different disguises. We have seen him dressed in up as a banker, a Scottish bagpiper, a village idiot and a Hassidic Jew. This is one clever fugitive although we know his IQ is 53. He is essentially a moron but instinctively bright about being on the run. He has stolen numerous vehicles, hijacked a plane from Bismarck to Miami and stowed away on a barge of soybeans from Iowa to New Orleans. We fear he might try to disrupt the Presidential Inauguration but, we are also confident we will have caught or killed him by January 20, 2009. We would appreciate all of you in the media working with us and not against us. Thank you.”

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, November 11, 2008



President Bush visiting with President-elect Obama
in the Oval Office on Monday.

(Nov. 11, Fort Meade, MD) In a startling revelation two employees of the national intelligence apparatus as well as a White House insider reported that yesterdays’ meeting between President George W. Bush and the President-elect, Barak Obama was secretly recorded under direct orders from Vice President Dick Cheney. One of the sources, all of who spoke under the strictest of confidentially and anonymity, initially contacted The Brooding Cynyx news desk via an encrypted e-mail to report the eavesdropping. Subsequently there was a clandestine meeting with a TBC reporter and the three sources held earlier today at an undisclosed location. According to all three sources Dick Cheney ordered the Oval Office to be “bugged” by a surveillance technician from the CIA. This technician whose identity remains unknown at this time was allegedly shot by a Cheney staffer after his services were no longer needed to insure this secret activity remain secret.

All those involved in providing this leaked information also had in their possession corroborating documents offered as proof of the eavesdropping operation. One of the operatives, a high ranking analyst from the NSA also produced a tape recorded phone conversation between Cheney and himself. TBC had the tape analyzed and voice printed to assure its authenticity.It was scientifically proven to be legitimate. No one was available for comment at the Vice President’s Office today. The White House issued a brief statement this afternoon stating “The President is taking this matter seriously. He is all too familiar with Vice President Cheney’s obsession for obtaining information illegally. The President has usually allowed Dick to do whatever he wanted but is very upset that Mr. Cheney chose to spy on him. He feels the sanctity of the Oval Office has been compromised and has insisted an exterminator be brought in immediately to remove whatever “bugs, rodents or varmints” Dick planted in there.”

Another of the operatives turned over a portion of the secretly recording conversation between Bush and Obama. This recording has been rigorously tested, analyzed and verified as legitimate. What follows are excerpts from that recording.

GWB: George W. Bush
BHO: Barak H. Obama

GWB: “Welcome to the Oval Office, Barracks. I have made some of my most misoverinterpretated decisions right here. Some of the one's I most proudest of."

BHO: “Thank you Mr. President. By the way, my name is Barak.”

GWB: “Well shitfire…what did I call ya’ fella?”

BHO: “It’s really not important sir, I believe we have much more important, pressing issues to discuss in our brief time together today.”

GWB: “We do? You don’t say. I thought we’d just kinda kick back and I’d be able to tell ya’ what it’s like to be the most powerful cowboy on the planet.”

BHO: “Perhaps you could tell me some stories another time sir. Actually I am more concerned with the economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, unemployment, health care, education, and all the other challenges I will inherit in 71 days.”

GWB: “Ya’ are? Well shut my mouth. You are a pretty damned serious guy for a politician, Bama.”

BHO: “Indeed sir. Um, my name is Obama not ‘Bama. Actually Bama is a nick name for the State of Alabama, sir.”

GWB: “Whut in the hell ya’ talkin’ about son? I hate to break it to ya’ but, Alabama is a football team that plays somewhere in the south. I’m not sure which State it is.”

BHO: “But sir, I thought you served in the Air National Guard and was stationed in Alabama.”

GWB: “No shit? Well, if I was, that’s news to me. Wanna’ Coke or Pepsi? I’m partial to Mr. Pibb but I do manage to drink some Mountain Dew when I get tired. Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Do you want to hit a few golf balls out on the lawn?”

BHO: “Respectfully, sir, I came here to have a serious conversation with you not to drink soda or play golf. I had hoped you would be candid with me, enlighten me on some of the most difficult situations I will face when you leave office.”

GWB: “Sorry Haystack. Ya’ don’t have to get so riled up! Okay, how about you just tell me what you want to know and I’ll see if I can help you out. Before that, do you mind if I let Barney, my dog, come in. He likes to sniff visitors’ legs. I promise he won’t bite bu,t you do look a little bit like a groundskeeper he has attacked once or twice.”

BHO: “Oh boy…with all do respect sir, if it would speed this conversation up, let the dog in and have a Mr. Pibb. I really have some issues I need your input on. Also, my name is Barak not Haystack.”

(Short pause while Barney enters the Oval Office and Mr. Bush gets his Mr. Pibb and some pretzels.)

GWH: “Hell, I knew that, I was just funnin’ with ya’. You sure seem wound up tight. You Okay? I suppose that long fight with John McCain mighta’ worn ya’ down some. Wanna take a nap?”

BHO: “Thank you but, no sir. Could you share your thoughts with me on Guantanamo?

GWH: “Well I know it’s in Cuba and we have a whole bunch of evil doers down there. Bob Gates tells me the food is pretty good. Ya’ know them Muslim, Islamic extremists don’t like pork or bacon or French fries. Stuff like that. But, I suppose with you being a Muslim yourself, you already know that. I figure we can keep those terrorists there as long as we want…maybe forever. Wanna Twinkie?”

BHO: “Sir, I am most certainly not a Muslim. I am as much a Christian as you are. Please, do not think I am a Muslim, but, if I was, what difference would it make?”

GWB: “Take it easy, Barstock. It was an honest error. Actually Dick told me you were Muslim. You mean to tell me that Uncle Dick was actually wrong?”

BHO: “It’s BARAK and yes, I believe your Uncle Dick has been wrong about many, many things. His being wrong about my religious affiliation is the least of them. Now, maybe it would be better to discuss this economic stimulus package. I am unsure about the mechanics of this infusion of capital to Wall Street. The middle class really needs some relief.”

GWB: “Hey, don’t speak harshly about Dick. He is a great American and it has been my pleasure to serve him while he has served with me during this time that needed us all to serve and be of service. Now, Wall Street, wee, some of Daddy’s best friends have interests there, ya’ know what I mean. I figure if they’re happy they will be empowered to make the middle class happy. The whole middle class, not just mechanics. Hey, did you ever meet Joe the Plumber? He seemed like a hell of a good fella; the kind of guy I’d like to drink a beer with except I don’t drink beer anymore. I used to drink like a slobbering Irishman after Daddy pulled all those strings to get me into Yale. Hell, one time we were drinkin' gin and...ah...never mind. I stick to the Mr. Pibb and Mountain Dew today. Hey…it looks like Barney likes you. I think he took a squirt on your pants cuff. What kind of dog do you plan to get when you move inhere?”

BHO: “Mr. President, perhaps I should go. This conversation is not working out as I anticipated. I spoke with Joe the Plumber once. John McCain made him a celebrity. Also, sir, you may not have noticed but Barney just left a mess under your chair.”

GWB: “That rascal. He gets excited whenever I have company. He’s been known to take a dump or a leak in front of world leaders. Heck, he pissed all over Harmid Karzai’s shoes. That was a hoot. Ya’ know the Taliban won’t allow terriers in Afghanistan? They hate them…poodles too. Godless fuckers. Sorry, as I was sayin’, that was almost as good as the time he humped the Pope’s leg. Sometimes he throws up on Air Force One but the Secret Service keeps carpet cleaner on that plane at all times.”

According to our sources Dick had a listening device implanted in Barney's ass. The other bugs were concealed throughout the Oval Office because, as one of our sources reported, “Dick Cheney did not want to miss anything. The coverage in that room was complete. Every word and sound was captured. The portions of the tapes I listened to and transcribed had a good deal of Barney farts on it. If there weren’t redundant listening devices, some things might have been missed and we would have been stuck with only those dog farts. Dick would have been pissed. He may have had us all killed.”

Barak Obama was informed of the alleged eavesdropping activities today and expressed great dismay and some measure of anger that what he thought to be a confidential discussion was secretly recorded. “Well, in a sense, it may have some historical value. The brief time I spend talking and listening to Mr. Bush afforded me the opportunity to understand more clearly how this country has wound up ion the shape it’s in. I also know to make sure the carpets are all cleaned before I move in with my family. It might be a real challenge to get rid of all the stink in there. Quite a bit of stink has built up in The White House while George W. Bush has lived there.”

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Monday, November 10, 2008


Status Quo Has To Go

Lieberman crossed the line.

(Nov. 10, NY, NY) The fact that Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid has chosen to engage in discussions with the vile, spineless, opportunistic Independent Senator Joe Lieberman reeks of the status quo. What Lieberman did should be seen for exactly what it was: blatant disloyalty of the highest order. It is not a matter of the self serving Senator from Connecticut simply choosing to support the Republican Presidential candidate, his close friend, John McCain. That could be accepted if it had been done, as Lieberman insists, as a matter of conscience. The fact is that Lieberman’s argument is not only disingenuous, it is patently false.

At every step of his long political career Lieberman has served two sacred causes; his own advancement and the advancement of Israeli issues. He selfishly bolted from the Democratic Party that had elected him for so many terms once the Connecticut voters rejected him in the 2006 primary. He was soundly beaten; the voters spoke loudly so Joe decided to run as an “Independent” in direct defiance of the will of his Party. That was quintessential typical Lieberman.

For some inexplicable reason Al Gore selected this mope as his running mate in 2000. Eight years later, Lieberman not only endorsed his Party’s Presidential rival, he literally glued himself to McCain’s rump. He appeared with McCain on the campaign trial becoming one of his most ardent, visible and vocal supporters. In an amazingly brazen slap kick in the groin to the Democrats, Lieberman had the unmitigated gall, the chutzpah, to deliver a speech at the Republican National Convention in September. That should have been the final straw; that traitorous act should automatically disqualify him from remaining a member in the Democratic Caucus. If the Senate Democrats do not mete out a swift and harsh expulsion of Lieberman, what is the message they are sending? If Joe’s behavior can be tolerated, what constitutes intolerable behavior in the Party’s eyes?

Not only does Lieberman seek to retain his membership in the Party he renounced, in a further demonstration of hubris, absolute arrogance, he is virtually demanding he keep his seat as the Chairman of the Homeland Security Committee. This scum bum, fervent Zionist should not be permitted access to classified intelligence and other data pertaining to our national defense, our country’s interests. He never should have been in that position to begin with.

Joe Lieberman is the Senator of Tel Aviv: his record undeniably proves that. He is a pawn of the State of Israel firmly and unabashedly implanted into the legislative branch of the United States government. This is a pathetic state of affairs.

The Democratic Party has been handed a rare opportunity to enact profound change in the way business is conducted in Washington. If they fail to recognize their power position very soon, they run the risk of squandering their future. The Republicans will pounce on them, and exploit their timidity, their lack of nerve, courage and balls. If the Democrats permit dimwitted fools like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi define themselves, the recent electoral victories they scored will be Pyrrhic victories and will severely impeded President-elect Barak Obama’s agenda.

Lieberman must go. The entire Congressional majority leadership structure should be replaced with new, aggressive, energetic members who are much better suited and willing to help usher in the brand of change that is needed and that the voters endorsed last week.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved