Thursday, June 5, 2008


Remember Him?

Terrorists On Trial, Endless War & Lame Ducking To The End

(June 5, New York, New York) As the lamest of lame ducks waddles into infamy and hopefully obscurity, recent reports have documented just how concerned George W. Bush is about his legacy. He ought to be concerned. History, even as it has been written contemporaneously will not be kind to our 43rd President.

Nine months in to his administration he was faced with an unprecedented challenge. After the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, the country was instantly united. This President chose to squander that opportunity, ignore the real and present danger as had been delivered unto our shores, made a half hearted effort to go after our proven enemies in Afghanistan, and embarked on a neo-conservative agenda so poorly planned, executed and managed, that it continues today. It will continue long after he is gone from the White House.

This is, of course, old news and just a sliver of the sins, crimes, arrogance, ignorance, deceitfulness perpetrated by what will, no doubt, be judged a catastrophic Presidency. Old news it may be however, it has significance today, this far removed from September 11, 2001, that every American should be aware of.

Today, in the prison camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, the trial of Khalid Sheik Mohammad and five others begin. Mr. Mohammad has requested the death penalty so he could finally achieve the title he alleges to most covet: “Martyr”. He very well may have already attained his martyrdom if George W. Bush had applied the necessary resources into Afghanistan immediately after 9 11 01. The tactical and strategic blunders there were the first manifestations of then Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld’s “doing more with less”, leaner and meaner philosophy. Rumsfeld as his crew of delusional cadre of so called neo-conservatives will also figure prominently in W’s legacy. They were a group of egg headed zealots, all with more concern over the safety and security of Israel than the United States. From Paul Wolfowitz and his cohorts, to Richard Pearl, this Jewish sub-administration had the ears of George w. and his boss Dick Cheney from day one. The fact that Condi Rice was the National Security Advisor virtually guaranteed the neo-Jews would prevail and, did they ever.

Over 4000 American troops killed, another 27, 000 plus injured, maimed and God only knows how many more destroyed emotionally and in other ways. The costs are approaching a trillion dollars if they have not already reached that incomprehensible figure. This while our veterans are treated like so many expendables. Yes, all those who served in uniform, those who argued against the war to begin with, those who criminally prosecuted it and those who died all will have a role in Ole W’s legacy.

Was Israel mentioned a paragraph or so back? It must have been because the boisterous chorus of the American Israeli Political Action Committee (AIPAC) and every other pro Jew, pro-Israel, Pro-Zionist group in the country will tell anyone and everyone, that Israel and, the decades of American support and policy in favor of it, is absolutely unassailable. How dare anyone say anything remotely derogatory of Jews or Israel? What an outrage!

Indeed. It is so sacrosanct to be critical of Israel despite the fact that they are a nation born out of terrorism, carved out of the living tissue of other peoples land and have for their entire history defied every United Nations resolution as well as basic human decency regarding the treatment of those they have occupied for 60 years. But, hey, they are the Jews, right? They are entitled to act with impunity, correct? Apparently, sadly, and criminally that has been the case since 1948. Two words seem to justify every action Israel has ever taken against anyone, anywhere including the United States. Those words of kryptonite: The Holocaust”. End of discussion.

Does the USS Liberty ring a bell to any Americans? Does the fact that without American taxpayer dollars Israel would not exist? The fact the that the American Jewish lobby and community is supremely powerful, influential and eager to grease the palms of their supporters and run from office their detractors should be exposed to the light of day. Yes, Jewish money (2 words you could be shot for using together) are the source of their influence and of Israel’s survival. The argument that they are our “strongest ally in the region” is about as accurate as “Sadaam Hussein was involved with the attacks on 9 11 01.” You get the point.

Nothing happens in isolations; everything is connected. So, we come full circle. Back to Bush’s legacy. Like Bill Clinton before him, George W desperately would like to have some tangible progress on the perpetually intractable “Mid East Peace Process”. The difference is, of course, that Clinton had a real chance to achieve something of an agreement with his counterpart, Ehud Barak. Then, at least, the United States retains some vestiges of “an honest broker.” The Bush Administration completely and perhaps for years to come, eradicated that notion. How long will it be before America is respected again in the world community? That is a question that may be answered in W’s legacy, depending on when it is written.

We only reap what we sow and what, exactly has this idiot of a President sown? Legacy is not the word for it; legacy does not even begin to suffice as an adjective for the history of his presidency.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


Assaults Women, Steals Car:
Scores Injured

Stolen car being driven by former President Bill Clinton
crashes through group of cyclists in Central Park.

(June 4, New York, New York) The day after his wife, Hillary, effectively lost the chance to be her party's presidential nominee, her husband, former President Bill Clinton went on a wild rampage that must be considered the most bizarre episode in what had been a very cantankerous primary between the presumptive nominee, Barak Obama and Mrs. Clinton.

The Clinton's arrived back here yesterday afternoon. Hillary gave an odd speech to supporters in the "Bear's Den", the underground auditorium at Baruch College. Her speech was not a concession or acknowledgement of reality but rather a rambling, delusional call to arms of some sort. The junior Senator from Illinois, Barak Obama, had achieved the required number of delegates last night. Hillary had gone from inevitable frontrunner to loser in the span of six months. Her husband, an active surrogate for her on the campaign trail became increasingly volatile as it became more evident that his wife would not win her primary battle.

He had been demonstrating troubling behavior for months with his outbursts, tantrums and other episodes becoming more frequent recently. During the entire time he campaigned for his wife, he was a "loose cannon" often making statements the campaign would have to denounce or deny. His statements ranged from racially offensive to outright ignorant and vile particularly as the last primaries in South Dakota and Montana approached. Earlier this week a lengthy article published in Vanity Fair, depicted Mr. Clinton as acting inappropriately, associating with dubious companions, partaking in shady business deals and carousing with women. The article quoted anonymous close friends and aides to the former President and their assertions painted a highly disturbing portrait of the man that had been a very popular and effective two-term Democratic President from 1993 until 2001. Mr. Clinton was enraged by the article and called the author, Todd Purdam, among other things, a "scumbag".

Apparently, the pressure of Hillary's loss and his own personal issues drove him to criminal activities if not outright insanity at approximately 11:17 this morning. According to NYPD Captain Daniel Flynn, the rampage began as Mr. Clinton was exiting a building on Fifth Avenue where he had been attending a meeting with Mrs. Clinton. One close advisor to Mrs. Clinton who was at this meeting, speaking anonymously said, “Frankly, I could not believe him. He sat there, perhaps he was drunk. I don’t know. But, he was very rude, saying very sexually suggestive things to some of the women present. I think I saw him kiss Lannie Davis. Hillary threw a pitcher of water at him and he just got up and left. As he was leaving the room he farted at Hillary several times than began to bark like a dog. I was relieved when he slammed the door. I was scared.”

According to NYPD officers already on the scene providing security, Captain Flynn reported that, "Eye witnesses have signed statements saying they watched as Mr. Clinton exited the building and began walking to a limo waiting at the curb. Suddenly, he ran past his security detail, ranting incoherently and grabbed an attractive woman who was crossing the street. He was seen fondling her buttocks and breasts before she broke free and gave him a kick in the testicles. This did not appear to slow Mr. Clinton down in any way. He threw that woman to the ground and quickly grabbed another and engaged her in a bear hug while forcibly kissing her on the mouth. He was also grasping her buttocks at this time. He appeared to be in a frenzy of some kind. Nearby officers responded, chased after Mr. Clinton but were unable to stop him before he pulled an elderly man from his car while stopped at a red light. He beat this man briefly about the face and head and then took off in the car. NYPD radio patrol cars engaged in a pursuit but decided to back off when they realized how erratically Mr. Clinton was driving. At one point he plowed through a group of handicapped cyclists on the Central Park Transverse. At least 2 have died as far as we know. The rest are being treated at Lenox Hill Hospital".

A news helicopter from the local FOX News station followed the car Mr. Clinton had stolen as his wild, ride continued. The pilot reported that "After he blasted through all those guys on bikes, I reduced altitude so our cameraman could get a better picture as Clinton drove through Central Park. The cameraman said he could plainly see that Mr. Clinton was masturbating. Captain Flynn could neither confirm nor deny that statement. Captain Flynn continued, "Our officers, including ESU Squad 3, continued to follow Mr. Clinton from a distance. They could see he had the driver side window open and was shouting at pedestrians while making obscene gestures. Virtually all the pedestrians returned the gesture. Some threw things at the car he was driving. At one point Clinton drove the stolen car up onto the sidewalk in an apparent effort to run one of them over. Instead, he crashed the car into a Korean grocery store on 126th and Second Avenue. He abandoned the crashed vehicle, now on fire, and fled on foot. We lost him somewhere in the crowd. We hope to have him in custody shortly."

Jose Guzman and Tito Flurpo were eating lunch outside a bodega on West 122nd Street when they saw a white haired man grab a young woman from behind. Flurpo said, “ I sees this dude and man, he look just like the old President, you know, the one that got the blowjobs from that fat bitch. Anyways, he like grabs this chica and like looks like he tryin’ to like maybe having sex with her. She don’t look like she wanting to have sex but he stay on her. Me and Jose we’re like, man, you see this shit. We gotta do sumthin’. So we start running that way and like we’re like yellin’ ‘yo, dude, Clinton, back the fuck off man. He just ran away after that. It was like, you know, crazy man. I’m glad his wife lost.”

Sporadic reports have been received by NYC 911 operators by citizens claiming to have seen Mr. Clinton in upper Manhattan. There have been several sexual assaults reported. In each case the assailant has been positively identified as Bill Clinton.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Monday, June 2, 2008


From Iowa to South Dakota Via The Low Road

(June 2, Sioux Falls, SD) Two of the most unremarkable of our United States share a border not far from here. Iowa and South Dakota, the upper Midwest: bland, expansive and in this, the oddest of Presidential primary cycles, both serendipitously significant politically . These are not places one might view as all that significant for any particular reason at any time. Yet, by tomorrow night, the Democratic nominating process that began across the Missouri River in Iowa six months ago, may, in some way, be concluded on this equally nondescript side of that river.

From a vantage point along a two lane black top in South Dakota from which Iowa remains visible, the circle appears to be nearly complete. Early in what would turn out to be a particularly harsh winter in this region, Iowans caucused in January providing Senator Obama that initial impetus to get his campaign going. Not long afterwards,far from here, Mrs. Clinton wept and won the New Hampshire primary; she wept prior to winning so hers were not tears of joy, they were tears of frustration. Even before she wiped her eyes and blew her nose she knew, deep within, that the only road for her would be the lowest of low roads. Her campaign would leave New Hampshire to begin their trek along that low road as soon as they hit pavement in South Carolina.

Now, it all comes back to this neck of the woods. What an ocean of rhetoric and spite, dirty tactics, innuendo and thinly veiled racist, sexist, class warfare code words have flowed under bridges nationwide. Hill and Bill actually managed to burn a few bridges along the way.

At virtually every juncture Team Clinton chose to remain on the low road only to exit when access to a lower one presented itself. The Billary machine rumbled down a super highway of race baiting and trash talking taking no prisoners, avoiding the obstacles as reality, truth and facts had to be swerved around.

As reported by Anne E. Kornblut in the Washington Post today, “Asked what mistakes she has made in of the campaign and what lessons she has learned, Clinton demurred, saying, "Oh, I have not had time to think about that." “

Oh, all you’ve had is time to think about it, Mrs. Clinton. Staring at the ceilings of various hotel rooms across the country when sleep evaded you; while looking out the window of a campaign plane or bus and seeing nothing but the wispy remnants of your dreams float by: you surely had time to think. Clearly you and yours had ample time to think of more scenarios and spin, more arithmetical maneuvers that would help deliver you that which you so desperately sought. Haven’t had time to think about it Hillary?? Sure. All you probably do is think about IT. Where did IT go and why? How did this happen to ME. Who can I blame?

Hillary, you have thought of every way to spin reality and, most likely tonight, remain seething in petulant deep thought about how to swindle super delegates. First it was ”let the people speak at the ballot box”, now, it’s “all about the delegates”. The popular vote counts; no, actually , the popular vote doesn’t really matter. We have witnessed your head spin so easily and often you’ve made Linda Blair’s character in the Exorcist seem inflexible. Boy those Puerto Ricans gave you a reason to keep on keepin’ on didn’t they? Such a shame they don’t vote for real, isn’t it.

Whatever you once possessed as character, conscience or morals have long ago abandoned you (or you simply dropped the facade) and that has been made stunningly clear as this campaign has played out. It is now as pathetic as it is pleasurable to see you flop around in public like a goldfish suddenly tossed on a hardwood floor.

Think about Mark Penn much? Ever ponder why exactly you even gave jobs to hacks and flacks, has-been sleazy operatives like Harold Ickes, Howard Wolfson, chubby, stupid Kiki McClean and Lannie Davis? How about hubby Bill’s contributions to your cause? He sure did serve you well didn’t he. Yes, Bill, the“Comeback Id”, as Todd Purdam has dubbed him in the latest issue of Vanity Fair. Ever the adroit speaker,according to the Washington Post, Mr. Clinton commented calling the article "a tawdry, anonymous quote-filled attack piece" and "journalism of personal destruction at its worst". The Huffington Post quotes our loquacious former President referring to Mr. Purdam as, “sleazy,” “dishonest,” “slimy,” and a “scumbag.” After catching his breath, Bill continued, “There’s just five or six blatant lies in there,” though he admitted he hadn’t read the article. “He’s a real slimy guy.”

Even today, that brilliantly astute politician, always so finely tuned to the pulse of the public, so wise in his judgment and unmatched political acumen, your campaign’s national cochairman, Tom Vilsack, the hapless former Governor of Iowa, (who himself had run for the democratic presidential nomination for about 9 hours last year), has said, it’s over. If Tom Nutsack can read the writing on the wall the letters must be ten feet high in Day-Glo orange. Think about that. Speaking of eels like Vilsack jumping ship, how often do you think about Fast Eddie Rendell? Your Pennsylvania victory had as mush significance as whether the ground hog sees his shadow or not. You definitely will have some things to think about, Hillary and it is a fairly safe bet you have already spent time ruminating over these questions.

Think, that is probably all you do and you’ll have plenty more time on your hands very soon. You may want to start by figuring out how to pay your bills, your staffers and the countless small businesses across the country you owe money to. You might want to think about why it is that most of your Senate colleagues wouldn’t give you the time of day and may gloat just a bit upon your return.

It may be fitting that on this night, the eve of the last 2 primaries where we may actually finally be rid of Billary, the International Space Station received a new toilet delivered by the Space Shuttle. This goes to show that even in the vastness of space, there comes a point when people can no longer tolerate all the shit they have had to live with. Think about that.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved