Saturday, August 23, 2008

A FEW OTHER QUESTIONS McCAIN GAVE ANSWERS TO

“Not sure”, “I’ll check with my staff”, & “Don’t know”:Won’t Cut It, John


(August 23, Stoma, DE) This past week John McCain revealed himself as the out of touch, befuddled, has been, he is. When asked by a reporter, how many homes he owns his reply was “I’m not sure...I don’t know...I’ll have to get my staff back to you on that.” He dose not know how many homes he and his wife own? That does not bode well for a man running for the presidency of the United States during extremely difficult economic times for the vast majority of voters.

The Brooding Cynyx research unit, in partnership with ASSPAC in Moss Point Mississippi, a BGE subsidiary, conducted an extensive investigation as to just how many times the 71 year old senator from Arizona answered a question, “I don’t know”, ‘I’m not sure”, “I’ll have my staff get back to you.” The results were as disturbing to the research team as they may be for you.

QUESTIONS ASKED OF JOHN McCAIN HE ANSWERED “I’m not sure.”

1. How many times have you been married?
2. How many cars have you wrecked in your life?
3. How many hemorrhoid surgeries have you had this century?
4. Is Puerto Rico a State?
5. How much Viagra do you consume a week?
6. Who is the president of Czechoslovakia?
7. Is Osama bin Laden a Shi’ite or a Sunni?
8. Where exactly are the gates of hell?
9. What is five plus eight?
10. How many states are there in the United States?

QUESTIONS ASKED OF JOHN McCAIN HE ANSWERED, “I don’t know.”

1. What is your mother’s maiden name?
2. How old is your wife?
3. Did you adopt a child?
4. What day is it?
5. How is the American economy doing?
6. What did you have for breakfast this morning?
7. When was the last time you had an original thought or idea?
8. What have you done as an Arizona senator for the past 24 years to secure your state’s southern border with Mexico?
9. Why did you destroy your credibility, reputation and soul to side with George W. Bush and his failed policies, particularly his misguided war in Iraq?
10. Do you ever eat squash or yams?

QUESTIONS ASKED OF JOHN McCAIN HE ANSWERED, “I’ll have to check with my staff.”

1. Where was your wife last night?
2. How many fingers do you have?
3. Do you realize just how far out of touch you are with most Americans who are really struggling to pay the bills?
4. How many servants do you employ in all your homes?
5. How many cartons of ‘DePends’ do you go through a week?
6. When was the last time you shaved yourself?
7. Did you ever have an affair with Larry Craig?
8. Who was the last man to have sexual relations with your wife?
9. Why do you feel you should be the next president of the United States?
10. Do you think your experience as a POW will influence your foreign policy if elected president?

Our research uncovered many other dubious answers to straightforward questions McCain has provided over the course of his 27 years in Congress. His is a long paper trail of comments, interviews, op-ed pieces, speeches and other material that, when analyzed over time and put in perspective, reveal a great deal about how McCain’s mind, or what’s left of it, works.

Some of the more illuminative Q&A’s were:

Reporter: “Senator, did you know John Keating was a criminal”
McCain: “ My friend, I do not judge others.”

Reporter: “Senator, did you divorce your first wife because she was horribly disfigured in a motor vehicle accident?”
McCain: “Maybe, my friend.”

Tom Brokaw: “Senator McCain, do you believe in and would you support legislation that would extend health insurance to the unemployed, illegal immigrants suffering from hyper flatulence?”
McCain: “My friend, that is the transcendent mission of this generation.”

Tim Russert: “ Senator, you have had a long career in the Congress, you are basically representative of an inept, do nothing Senate. How can you now campaign as a candidate for change?”
McCain: “ Fuck you , my friend, you fat, Irish drunk.”

Andrea Mitchell: “Senator, you have proposed keeping American troops in Iraq for 100 years if necessary. Why?”
McCain: “That’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.”

Bob Hope: “Captain McCain, we all admire your strength and courage having been a POW for almost six years. How does it feel to be back on American soil?”
McCain: “I like rice, my friend.”

Jesse Jackson: “Senator, why did you vote against the legislation that made Martin Luther King’s birthday a federal holiday?”
McCain: “ My friend, I was in the Navy. He was a Negro.”

Sean Hannity: “Senator, have you ever had an abortion?”
McCain: “ Yabba dabba doo.”

Mike Wallace: “Senator, what is it like being married to a woman almost 30 years younger than you?”
McCain: “Busy, my friend, very, very busy.”

Chris Matthews: “ Senator, since you are here in Pennsylvania do you think, do you feel, do you sense that perhaps...maybe...as a conservative in a largely Catholic, blue collar , middle class state with an enormous Black population in Philadelphia, that maybe, you...or someone like you, even if you took Tom Ridge as your running mate could...ah...win...get the voters here to vote for you?”
McCain: “ Stop spitting on me! I’m having flashbacks, my friend.”

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Thursday, August 21, 2008

MSNBC REPLACES HYPERBOLIC EGOMANIAC ABRAMS

Good First Step For A Network Of Buffoons

(August 21, NY, NY) Not long ago, a question was posed on this blog asking if there were any adults in charge at MSNBC. Apparently, adult or not, a good decision was recently made that will yank the obnoxiously, egotistical dimwit, Dan Abrams off the air. Abrams two different tenures hosting his own TV programs have demonstrated his lack of intelligence, his failure to grasp simple points, his reluctance to permit his guests to complete a sentence and the obvious fact, that were it not for outright nepotism and connections, Dan would be a used car salesman in Secaucus, New Jersey.

He served as the General Manager at MSNBC from June 2006 until October 2007, despite having absolutely no managerial experience. After Joe Scarborough replaced that blithering idiot, Don Imus in that early morning spot, Dan made a great managerial decision and chose himself to fill the void created by the reassignment of Scarborough.

Abrams program, “The Verdict” is an hour of tabloid like gibberish where it appears as if Dan cannot stop looking at himself in the mirror. His topics range from a cursory glance at politics but mainly focus on the tawdry, sordid tales the numb-skulled masses of viewers can’t seem to get enough of. Any child abduction, sleazy murder, or other back page crime is beaten to death by Dan until the next load of crap becomes his focus.

Pulling Abrams from the air is a good start for MSNBC; a cable network that has struggled to find a niche’ since its inception in July 1996. They have resorted to airing some of the most egotistical, hyperbolic, idiotic blowhards they could dredge up from the dumpster of “has been” and “never were” journalists. One is worse than the other and none have the right to actually consider themselves as journalists. Objectivity is not within their abilities but over talking guests, slobbering and drooling, and extreme displays of self importance are their forte’. It is a wonder they have any guest aside from those already on the salary of an NBC owned outlet such as Newsweek. Howard Fineman changes his hair color as quickly as Jonathon Alter is loosing his. Alter is, arguably, the most competent, objective regular on MSNBC.

Hopefully, Danny boys replacement, the long necked, Rachel Maddow, will raise the standards at this third rate cable network. If somehow they had the wisdom to get rid of the twin jack asses that are Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman, they may be able to present a better class of political and commentary programming.

Olberman wastes his hour of airtime devoted to pure trash, bashing his enemies or folks he just doesn’t like. His top, “Number One” story is always every other media outlets toss away piece or simply ignored because it reeks. That crapola judged to be the “Number One” story is always below tabloid trash. It is merely garbage. His “Countdown” begins with his “Number 5” story which, oddly, is usually of some relevance and importance; the complete opposite of serious news magazines and other political programs.

Chris Matthews expels more body fluids orally per show than one of Pavlov’s dogs. He is another of the enormous clownish egomaniacs that MSNBC has dredged up over the years.

All of the cable news programs are basically manure; each has their own bias and own cast of moronic loudmouths. At least, as of tonight, one can hope, the airwaves will be minus one of the biggest horses asses in a constellation of horses asses.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

THE QUACK AND THE CYNYC

Not Everything In Iowa That Quacks Is A Duck
A True Story Of A Doctor Who Shouldn’t Be


(August 20, Davenport, IA)  As far as medical mistakes go, this was relatively minor; actually, as an error, it doesn’t even rank with the plethora of medical blunders that kill thousands of Americans each year.  Still, it was an error, a careless mistake perpetrated by a physician who could have cared less.

We have waited to tell this story, to recount the event that no one in the Iowa State Board of Medicine seems all that concerned about.  Obviously, they are far more educated and knowledgeable than our Cynyc.  His story begins on June 12, 2008.  Some of the names and exact locations have been altered to protect the innocent; the rest of them are factual to expose the guilty.

1.
Some professions are more respected than others.  Some require more training, skill and, perhaps, intelligence.  In our society we place a certain degree of trust and respect on professionals.  Be they electrician, cardiologist, mechanic, plumber or physician; we seek their services because they have somehow earned the right to be professionals.  Perhaps we expect too much.

2.
Our Iowa based Cynyc was eager to get involved.  He had never participated in a civilian group effort such as this.  In his old life, back in the real world, he had served at some very difficult crises’, he had been part of several daunting tasks related to rescue and recovery.  Some of his experience was earned in natural disaster, others in man made mayhem and mass casualty events.  This was different.

Having been dispatched to Iowa for other purposes, he found himself in a place about to be inundated by what they were calling “The 500 Year Flood.”  That sounded bad to him and, as a non native Iowan, he was certainly unsure what such an ominously designated event meant in a practical sense. So for 4 days and nights he partook in a massive sandbagging effort; first to protect the small town he found himself staying in and then to protect the building in which he was residing.  To make a long story short, the efforts paid off, the town was spared as the floodwaters never came in the volume predicted and were diverted east of this town due to our sandbag dike and a moat.

3.
The sandbagging took its toll on everyone; physically, mentally and emotionally.  After all, the predictions had indeed been dire.  He, like so many thousands in the area who had sandbagged, found themselves covered with all sorts of small lacerations, cuts, abrasions, insect bites, rashes and other assorted problems from standing in the filthy flood water containing cow and hog manure, agrichemicals, fertilizers, pesticides and lord knows what else.

He began to pay attention to the radio and TV public service announcements from the Iowa Board of Public Health encouraging anyone involved in the sandbagging efforts or other flood related activities that had been exposed to the rancid, foul and fetid waters, was encouraged to get a tetanus shot.

4.
For as long as he had been stationed in Iowa he had never taken the time, nor felt a pressing need, to find a personal physician.  Needing a tetanus shot he phoned a local hospital in Iowa City and they made him an appointment for 2:30 PM on Thursday June 19 with a local physician.  That was easy enough, he thought and, at 2:20 that afternoon, he walked into this physician’s office.  Immediately, instinctually he felt there was something not right about this place and that this doctor must not be all that good.  But, how can anyone mess up a simple vaccine, tetanus shot.  He would find out.

5.
His misgivings about this particular physician went beyond the appearance of the vacant waiting room, the boxes and clutter beyond the receptionist’s desk and the sense he had wandered into a time warp.  The decor was circa 1964 and looked every day of it.  It was probably swanky in 1964; now it was a sorry, run down, office sweet more akin to a seedy massage parlor or fortune tell than a medical doctor.

The other reason for his misgivings was that immediately across the street from the decrepit building housing this doctor’s office stands the well designed multi-level, modern brick and glass building that is home to one of the oldest, most prominent Internal Medicine practices in the Iowa City area: Towncrest Internal Medicine employs approximately 12 doctors, a huge support staff, owns a lab and is very well respected.  Why would this guy, my guy, be all by himself across the street virtually competing with the Towncrest docs?  What is wrong with this picture, thought our Cynyc.

5.
It’s just a damned shot.  After a wide hipped nurse took his blood pressure confessing it was “my third day on the job”, I was directed into an exam room that Ben Casey would have run out of screaming.  Standing in this exam room our Cynyc could easily imagine that leeches had been applied to foreheads, lobotomies by ice pick and other such primitive practices had transpired within those four dirty walls.  

Lost in thought and losing patience, he left the exam room, located the hippy nurse and asked, why he had been sitting in an un-air conditioned exam room for 45 minutes when all he wanted was a tetanus shot?  She explained that they had 2 doses of 2 different variants of the vaccine and that there was another patient requiring a shot and they wanted to make sure that he received the dose his insurance coverage allowed.  Our Cynyc agreed to end their dilemma, pay for his shot in cash and get the hell out of that stinky place.

Within minutes, hippy administered the vaccine, placed a ‘Spiderman’ Band-Aid over the injection site and he was out the door in a flash.  

6.
Friday June 20, 2008 at approximately 9:00 AM our Cynyc received a phone call at his office from the hippy nurse.  She casually informed him that he had received an “expired” dose, that the vaccine he was given had expired on some date in December 2007.  She did not know the implications, ramifications, possible side affects or any other details; the doctor was unavailable to speak with me.

The sequence of events that ensued was not only eye opening; it was downright disturbing, alarming and educational.  Our Cynyc was about to learn more about the broken, inept, uninterested Iowa Public Health system than he’d ever wanted to know.

7.
His first call was to the Iowa State Department of Public Health; a call in which he related his situation to 3 different staff members with important titles and no functioning neurons: they did, however direct him to the Johnson County Department of Public Health.  After an equal amount of discussions with those imbeciles, they suggested he call the State DPH.  When he told them he already had, the last moron he spoke with instructed him to “ask a pharmacist.”  Did she mean a clinical pharmacist at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics or a Wal Mart pharmacist?  She said “it doesn’t really matter” and, promptly said good bye.  So this is how it’s going to be, thought our Cynyc.  Well, he would see about that.

8.
Ah, how the Internet has changed the world.  Our Cynyc was bound and determined to find an answer to his question and was growing increasingly concerned that the quack in whose office he received the expired vaccine probably had other, more important vaccines that were also expired.  What if some mom brought her toddler to this garbonzo for routine inoculations and they were expired?  No, this was bigger than our Cynyc and his expired tetanus shot.  This was a potentially dangerous situation.

So, our Cynyc began searching the various Iowa government websites searching for someone, somewhere, who might be able to answer his questions.  Call after call to agency, department and boards were encounters with dumber and dumber folks.  They were all polite, acted concerned, but exhibited IQ’s comparable to a fence post.  

Our Cynyc wondered: how could he get a job such as theirs?  How had these lame-brained buffoons obtained their jobs?  Some old time, good ole boy Iowa network of nepotism that would have Boss tweed spinning in his grave?  No doubt, something was way off with these officials, these people, and this state overall.  All brawn and no brains makes Iowa a hellhole.

9.
On the night of June 20, 2008 at 7:30 PM, after waiting over 10 hours to hear from the physician responsible for this error, he finally phoned our Cynyc at his home.  The physician mumbled, stumbled and blathered on about how he’d spent “most of the day” conducting research on the repercussions of a patient who received an expired tetanus shot.  He claimed to have called all manner of experts and ultimately, he stated he spoke with some one at the CDC.  The inept, hapless, seemingly barely literate physician went on and on about how little information was available in the professional literature regarding expired tetanus vaccines.  Our Cynyc thought, “of course there is a lack of info available.  Most physicians’ offices probably practice some form of inventory control.  Even the Hy-Vee rotates stock and removes expired products from their shelves.  What an imbecile.”

Finally, after almost 40 minutes of listening to this quack sputter on, our Cynyc thanked him for the call and requested that he put a summary of the information he’d just provided in written form.  The quack protested that he was tired.  Our Cynyc told him “No need to do it tonight. When you have time, like, sometime next week.”  Our Cynyc has never heard from the quack again. 

Once, on July 24, 2008, our Cynyc phoned the quack’s office requested to speak with the quack.  The receptionist asked who was phoning, hit the call button, and came back on the line saying “Doctor is busy with patients.  Can I take a message?”  Cynyc gave a brief message, explaining he had not yet received the written document requested and asked for the doctor to return his call.  Our Cynyc still waits.

10.
As every Cynyc knows, there is more than one way to skin a quack.  To shorten this already lengthy story, our Cynyc filed a complaint with the Iowa Board of Medicine via on-line complaint form followed by an e-mail to one of the “Investigators” listed on the Board’s web site.

Time went by without any word from the Board.  A follow up e-mail was sent to the intrepid “Investigator” weeks later and passed along to a “Compliance Secretary”.  This woman replied tersely via e-mail that my complaint would be heard at the August meeting of the Board. Fine, that is acceptable thought our Cynyc.

Well it is now August 20, 2008 and as yet, after 2 months, our Cynyc has received no word of any kind from the Iowa Board of Medicine regarding the disposition of his complaint, the status of the “investigation”, if any such endeavor had been undertaken.  So, as a group, the Brooding Cynyx have voted and decided to tell our Cynyc’s story.
In addition, as a public service, we have decided to reveal the names of some of the cast of characters involved.

The Quack:  Dr. Michael Burns, MD, Iowa City.

“The Investigator”:  Ed Knapp, Iowa Board of Medicine.

“The Compliance Secretary”:  Luann Brickei, Iowa Board of Medicine.

DISCLAIMER:  This “The Brooding Cynyx”, is a personal blog voicing the subjective personal opinions, observations, comments, remarks and stories of the contributors.

From our Ombudsman:  This is a true story posted to a blog.  After lengthy discussions with our attorney, she advices that by naming names we are in no legal danger as far as liability, slander, personal defamation or any such related legal action.  This is posted from a subjective standpoint and, as such, is not reported as news, fact or for any nefarious purposes. It is “tagged”, “labeled” and appropriately classified.  If anyone takes offense with this blog post, that’s just too bad.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

MAVERICK PLUS CENTRIST = McCAINBERMAN

Self Described Bipartisans; Both Politics As Usual

(August 20, NYC) Two of the longest serving members of the senate, between them having spent 50 years working the dark corners and back rooms that has assured their political survival, John McCain and Joe Lieberman are nothing more than vacuous products of life within the rarified corridors within the Beltway.

The Maverick, McCain, the former Straight Talk Express captain now, is nothing but a politician willing to say anything, to anybody, to be elected president.

The former democratic senator now, independent, Joe Lieberman is exactly the same perhaps even a bit more crass in his greed for power and willingness to tack, flip flop, and vacillate. Though hr lost his democratic primary in 2006 and won his senate seat while running as an independent, he still “caucuses” with the Democratic Party. Who is this guy?

McCain survived the “Keating Five” investigation from the late 1980’s, was able to get well beyond it and, in reality is no more a Maverick than he is a water buffalo. Lieberman is about as much a Centrist as was Jerry Falwell.

What ever became of Rudy Guiliani? If McCain is willing to forfeit the majority of the republican base, he might as well go and do so with a man who has federal experience. Guiliani was the third ranking member in the Department of Justice during the Reagan era, a successful federal Prosecutor for the Southern District of New York and a twice elected Republican Mayor of New York City; a City known for its liberal Democratic machine and politics. At least he could truly appeal to the vast “middle” the undecided, independents.

Political calculations, expediency, rhetoric; how could anything else have been expected?

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

JOE LIEBERMAN: HOW DO YOU SAY FLIP FLOPPER IN YIDDISH?

ONCE A TRAITOR, ALWAYS A TRAITOR

(August, 19 Fairfield, CT)  Our current political scene is overly populated by crooks, rogues, charlatans, liars, criminals, lowlifes, blowhards as well as some extremely ruthless, cunning self-serving scheming, sleazy, egotists, especially incumbents, who will literally sell their souls to remain in office.  Among some of the most prominent of all time scum buckets, Joe Lieberman has proudly entered into this infamous, despicable class.

Having lost the Connecticut democratic primary to a virtual political novice, Ned Lamont, petulant, arrogant Joe, rather than take his resounding defeat in stride, he left the Democratic Party to run for his cherished senate seat as an independent.  While he has caucused with the Democratic Party, he has been among the staunchest of George W. Bush’s failed policies and practices.  Now, this ace wipe, who has been vigorously campaigning for John McCain, is rumored to be on the “short list” of potential McCain running mates.

In the 2000 Presidential Election, that which was ultimately decided by Antonin Scalia and his Supreme Court, Lieberman was the running mate of Al Gore.  Over these last eight years Lieberman has morphed into an even more vicious politician than he has always been.  Joe is has been and always be a two issue candidate, two primary causes motivate every political move, vote, speech, opinion, stance and position.  His two only concerns are Joe Lieberman and Israel; in that order. Joe seems to have his eye on someday being the Prime Minister or President of Israel or, perhaps, Mayor of Tel Aviv.

What does addled John McCain think Joe will add to the ticket?  Will it help assure the whopping 9% of Americans that are Jews will vote for him?  Maybe he’s seeking the votes are that sliver of the far right wing Evangelical community that supports Zionism and Israel.  They are firm in these beliefs although, by their own teachings and tenets of their doctrine, the Jews will be able to join them at Rapture because, Jews do not believe in Jesus Christ as the Messiah.  How does this add up?

As a nation we have given more to, taken more on the chin for, Israel with nothing to show for it except problems and conflict.  Israel is “the only democratic country amid antidemocratic neighbors.”  This is one of the most widely quoted of the many flimsy, bogus excuses served up as justification for the US support of Israel.  What a load of crap.   “They are our only allies in that part of the world”: yet another line of tripe. What have they ever done for us?  We know what we have done for them.  Without our unwavering support for them in the UN Security Council, or our generous financial, military and other forms of pacifying largess, Israel would simply not exist today.

Israel will expect Joe to deliver the notorious Cold War era, Israeli spy, the scumbag, Jonathon Pollard for openers. Yahweh knows what they'll expect from their Jew in the White House next. If McCain does pick this skunk as his VP, it will be reminiscent of 1996 when Bob Dole picked Jack Kemp. Fiscal conservatives and many GOP insiders knew, at that moment, dole had lost the election. Kemp was not an advocate for the economics favored by republicans back then. He'd actually mocked Dole's senatorial record particularly on legislative matters on regulation, spending and fiscal policy.

What, you may ask, has all this do to with Joe Lieberman?  A Jew: not just any Jew: a virulent, rabid, activist, greedy, Zionist Orthodox Jew as the Vice President of the United States?  How’s that for sending a message that there may be some movement away from the negligent diplomatic efforts and idiotic policies of George W.? 

America is a sovereign nation and need not make an attempt to satisfy the world.  Our domestic politics should proceed without opinion, bias or any manner of meddling from other countries.  However, The United States needs to reestablish its integrity and credibility around the world.  Without those we are diminished as a country, as a force, as possessing the ability to exert pressure and influence when we need to.  We have lost so much of our standing in the world community. We have been severely wounded during the past 8 years; our reputation as an honest broker, as guided by international rules of all types has been shattered.

Domestically, as well, we have stood silently by while this administration of radical, maniacal neo-cons has shredded our Constitution, limited our rights to privacy and civil liberties and taken us down a path absolutely contrary to that which we had been on since 1776.

The electorate will do what they will do.  Hopefully, there will be some thought, some discussion of the ramifications of having a Jew as our Vice President especially since that Jew would could be Joe Lieberman.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

BUSH SENT RICE TO GEORGIA

HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SENT MALT, BARLEY, HOPS AND SKITTLES

( August 16, Krzyvnmstan, Georgia) Russian tanks, armored vehicles and troops continue to pour into this city, firing randomly at civilians, the elderly, cats and dogs. Despite the alleged “cease fire” brokered by the French and other European counties, the streets here still echo with the staccato blasts of automatic weapons as the Russians advance.

The mayor of Krzyvnmstan, Ninrod John Wahalabinsky, is puzzled; perplexed actually,by the tepid response from the West, particularly, the USA.

Mayor Nimrod sat and spoke with this reporter despite the great personal peril such an interview would thrust him and his wife, 18 children and 3 llamas into; fully cognizant of the fact that he was going to miss “Happy Hour” at the Zxcvblkia Bar & Grill. Nimrod, who is a graduate of Harvard, Idaho State and Bismarck Community College, is fluent in English as well as 24 other languages besides his native tongue of Frzlla. We spoke, with heavily armed, drunken, semiliterate Georgians providing security in the dark, dank bowels of a recently bombed yam processing plant just outside town.

“ Russians come, they bomb holy shit out of us, rape our women, our daughters, our goats, mules and donkeys. This is, how you say in the West, a very large and huge cluster fuck. As Mayor and tribal warlord Chief, I telled to all Georgians, fight hard against Russian scum aggressors. I telled to them all, we don’t need this bullshit”

As Vladimir Putin’s Russia continues to exert its authority and increasingly intimidational strength upon its former Republics, United States President, George W. Bush, issued a harsh warning. “ This whole thing is not, um... ah... right. They have to find a way to , um, aahy, er, stop this transmutational aggressiveness. We had and old saying back in Yale and, ahhhh, Midland Texas...I think, I recall, one of the signs was something like, ah, uhmmmm, wanted dead or alive. We, us, you and me and all of us will fight this aggression where ever it rears its ugly head. Dick Cheney, who resides in an undisclosed secure location with plenty of Miller Lite and Naughty Neighbors magazines told me, this shit has to stop. He wanted to drop a few tactical nuclear weapons on the Kremlin, but, I was able to talk him out of it. He wasn’t, as we say in West Texas,.... um..., errrr...., dah... happy.”

Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice, the most useless member of any Cabinet since Mike Espy, was dispatched to meet with the Georgian President, Mikheil Saakashvili and envoys from Russia. Once considered as a “Russia” expert, Rice has been absolutely absent from any efforts regarding international diplomacy since her buddy, George W. gave her the job because they are buddies. She was mildly upset that there were no baseball games in Georgia that she could attend.

Upon her return from Georgia where she was merely an observer as several European leaders crafted the fragile cease fire agreement between the opposing parties, she immediately went to Crawford, Texas to brief the President who, as usual, was on vacation.

Rice, after the intense four minute session with the President, met with a select group of reporters. She began with a short statement: “The President is fully aware of the situation on the ground in Georgia as well as the tentative plans designed to have Russia remove their troops from Georgia. After speaking with the president and playing a short game of “Go Fish” with him, I am confident that he is confident that the Russians and Georgians are confident that whatever it is they are confident about, we are as well. Thank you”, was the extent of Rice’s statement. She took a few questions from the fiercely sweating reporters standing in the blazing Crawford sun. Homer Magsdun of the Dallas Morning News asked Dr. Rice if she or any other agency in our government had had any intelligence prior to Russian’s troops moving in to Georgia. Secretary Rice, anxious to go back into the air conditioned ranch, replied, “ As you well know Homer, intelligence is not high on this administrations priority list. We are still reviewing satellite imagery from the Cuban Missile Crisis and, frankly, we have no intelligence as an administration, individually or collectively. The President remains focused on what he focuses on. He likes to watch badminton and take naps. I assure you and all the American people that we are dealing with this Russian aggression just as we have clumsily dealt with all other aggression over the last 7 years. Good day.”

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