Saturday, April 12, 2008


Clinton Campaign Rocked By Revelations

(April 12, Valpariso, IN) In tightly contested campaigns, particularly when the goal is the presidency of the United States, issues come and go. Then, there are issues that strike so profoundly among the electorate, that they literally can turn the tide for or against a candidate.

On the democratic side, this primary season has been one of the tightest, closest and rancorous contests since the Civil War. Issues of race and gender, experience and change, looking back and looking ahead, have been manifest as first term Illinois Senator, Barak Obama has given former First Lady, two term New York Senator, Hillary Clinton, the political fight of her life. Each word uttered by the respective candidates or their surrogates is fodder for the other. The media is all too willing to take a verbal slip, a slight mistake said publicly, and inflate it to monumental proportions. That seems to be the nature of our politics today. One candidate’s camp jabs and hooks the other, while they each anxiously await any opportunity to pounce.

Yesterday, while speaking in Boonville, Indiana, former President Bill Clinton was able to inadvertently inflict more damage on his wife’s campaign than Senators Obama or GOP candidate John McCain ever could. Once considered to be the most valuable asset in his wife’s efforts to obtain the Presidency, Bill Clinton has proven to be a liability to her cause. His off-the-cuff comments from New Hampshire to South Carolina have not only significantly damaged Hillary’s campaign, they have served to diminish his standing, popularity and respect across the country.

Seeking to defend Mrs. Clinton’s repetitive, wholly fabricated lies of weeks ago regarding her trip to Bosnia in 1995, Mr. Clinton fabricated and lied thus resurrecting a troubling issue that had just began to fade in the 24 hour news cycle. Bill Clinton, as he angrily sought to correct his wife’s lies, made statements that have raised new issues about Hillary’s mental and physical abilities to serve as president, if elected.

The former President asserted that Hillary had “misspoken once and immediately apologized” when she actually had said, several times on the stump that she had landed in Tuzla ‘under sniper fire”. He then inexplicably stated her age and weariness as the root causes for her “forgetfulness” and lying.

Mr. Clinton then became expansive and in a much less belligerent tone told the audience that “ Hillary is 60 years old. She forgets things. By 11 o’clock at night, she is barely coherent. She has suffered in silence for many years. I feel her pain...I really do”. The gathered crowd was now silent as the former President continued, “My wife, God bless her soul, has advanced untreatable fibromyalgia. She has chronic Prickly Heat, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and has battled Rickets since her days at Yale. She walks in her sleep, has episodes of urinary and bowel incontinence aside from enduring the agony of energy consuming, rib shattering acute flare-ups of Flatulence Basso Profundo. As hard as she works and has worked her entire life in support of women and children she cannot even have the comfort of a good night’s sleep. That’s why I sleep on the couch. Hillary is in the advanced stages of Restless Leg Syndrome, ADHD, St., Vitas Dance and is highly susceptible to sudden bouts of violent rage, gnashing her teeth, sometimes foaming at the mouth and bulimia. As her husband, it is all very difficult to watch her suffering.”

Mr. Clinton paused, apparently to regain his composure and, with his lower lip quivering and tears forming in his eyes, took a deep breathe and went on, “ Yes , it takes her at least 2 hours in the morning to get ready to appear in public. Her day begins with injections of Bovine Growth Hormone, B-12, Botox, and cortisone. While a large crew of 9 make-up artists begin to do the impossible and make her presentable, she takes her medications, supplements and has a beer. What y’all do not realize about this woman, my wife, your next president, is that she takes mega-doses of vitamins and minerals, drinks 2 quarts of Milk of Magnesia, about a gallon of Red Bull, some St. John’s Wort, Mydol, Head-On, powerful de-bloating suppositories in addition to a hefty doses of Beano, Garlique, Centrum Silver, stool softener, Gas-X and Plavix. I am always in awe of her capacity to carry on despite all her serious physical ailments. But, and I do mean, but...they pale in comparison to her incipient dementia, various aphasia's, long stretches of incoherence, drooling and vaginal itch. It breaks my heart to see all this. It actually, sometimes, makes me sick.”

By this time Mr. Clinton’s secret Service security detail had become alarmed. One insider, speaking anonymously commented, “We are worried about him. We know he has all the same things she has plus a boat load more. There are times he has to stand the entire time on coast to coast flights because of the painful burning and itch of gargantuan hemorrhoids.”

Fearing that Mr. Clinton was perhaps revealing too much private information about Mrs. Clinton’s deteriorating mental and physical condition, his handlers waved a McDonald’s happy Meal at him and he quickly exited the stage.

Later in the day, one of Mrs. Clinton’s personal physicians who travels with her while she campaigns across the country told reporters that, “Look, she is not dealing with what virtually every 60 year old wife who has spent the last 30 years in a loveless marriage deals with. Her flatulence, Prickly Heat and bloating have been responding to our course of treatment. Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT) has been extremely efficacious for the rest of her ailments. Actually, the ECT has worked wonders on Bill Clinton. The only person in the Clinton camp that has physical and mental disorders that are dramatically beyond our abilities to treat in any way is James Carville. Cheap bourbon in large quantities usually shuts him up for an hour or two.”

While much has been made about GOP presumptive candidate John McCain’s age and mental balance, and questions have been raised about Mr. Obama’s experience, former drug use, his inability to break dance and hypertrophied ears, these maladies have not raised the level of concern as have Hillary’s multitude of disorders, ailments and compromised mental acuity.

As the all important Pennsylvania primary grows closer daily, it will be interesting to observe how the candidate and her campaign combat the growing chorus of concerned medical and mental health professionals calling for her institutionalization. According to an anonymous source highly placed in the Clinton campaign noted, “We have hired and she now travels with a masseuse, an acupuncturist, an aroma therapist, a hypnotist, 2 board certified psychiatrists as well as a board eligible Bowelologist, we are often left no other option except to have her heavily sedated at night and then speedball massive quantities of amphetamines into her the next morning. There are rare mornings when all it takes is a double mocha latte’ and a few Twinkies but those days are growing fewer and further apart.”

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

Thursday, April 10, 2008



(April 10, NY, NY) Radio City Music Hall has been host to many an extravagant event in it’s storied history. A landmark on Fifth Avenue, across the street from St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the Music Hall, known for the leggy, high stepping, Rockettes, was the scene of a political affair tonight that was as over-the-top as anything even the most ambivalent, jaded native New Yorker has seen.

At a fundraising concert featuring the gay British has-been rock star, Sir Elton John as the headliner, Hillary Clinton appeared for the first time in public with her running mate, closet homosexual conservative Republican, Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. Since Mrs. Clinton announced Senator Craig as her choice for her running mate, her campaign has been infused with new enthusiasm and money. The gay - lesbian - transgender - trans sexual - transmittable sexual disease community has come out in full force in support of Hillary’s floundering efforts to obtain her party’s nomination for president. While polls show most gay men have the hots for Clinton’s rival, Barak Obama, some of the richest gay men in America attended this event.

Proud gay American, former New Jersey Governor, Jim McGreevey, presided as the Master of Ceremonies and the Master of Bation, at this lavish event. Famous homosexuals of all kinds were in attendance at this fundraiser that was a cross between a Billy Graham revival and the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. NYPD Captain, Francis Xavier Flannagan, the Commander of the Midtown North Precinct commented, “Jeeze. Radio City. My Mom and Dad took me and my brothers and sisters to see the ‘Sound of Music’ here in like 1967. This whole thing tonight is a freakin’ shame.” Later in the evening NYPD Commissioner, Raymond Kelley, announced the demotion of Captain Flannagan. Flannagan is now directing traffic on Nostrand Avenue in Brooklyn from midnight to 8 AM.

Wealthy homosexuals attended this gala in profusion. The reported $2.5 million raised at the event, was comprised of substantial, albeit, legal donations, from famous queers such as Richard Gere, CNN’s Anderson Cooper, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, Congressman Barney Frank, Boy George, Jim Nabors, Randy Travis, Nathan Lane, Ryan Seacrest and Michael Bolton. The lesbian community also contributed heavily with notable dykes such as obese, criminally ugly, vile Rosie O’Donnell, Twiggy, Barbara Walters, Diane Feinstein, Judge Judy, Mrs. Eliot Spitzer, Donna Brazile and Ruth Bader Ginsberg all giving donations generously.

While not confirmed by any State Department or White House officials, allegedly, Condoleeza Rice was seen in attendance, occupying a private balcony booth reportedly manually gratifying herself. Ralph DeLuccase, an usher at Radio City for the last 32 years, told ‘Entertainment Tonight’, “ Yea, I seen this skinny, older, black woman go into this high dollar booth. I thinks nuthin’ of it...after all, to each his own, capice’? Anyways, I go about my bidness and I hears this strange sound. I go to investigate. I follow my ears to that booth. That’s right, that booth. I looks in and seen that skinny black woman rubbin’ her...her,... ah...herself like there’s no tomorrow. I knew who she was, ya’ see. I watch the freakin’ news, ya know. But, hey, I can keep a secret. If you guys from ET didn’t give me that 22 bucks, I woulda nevah said a freakin’ word.”

Airport and truck stop restroom pleasure seeking homosexual, Larry Craig, received the most vocal support from the entirely gay-lesbian crowd when he first appeared on stage embracing Mrs. Clinton. Spontaneously, the chant of “WIDE STANCE” echoed off the acoustically perfect ceiling of Radio City Music Hall as Elizabeth Taylor, Susan Estrich and Brittany Spears joined the Village People in a raucous, bawdy rendition of YMCA.

After the crowd had dissipated, the NYC Department of Health temporarily quarantined Radio City until it could be adequately disinfected.

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

Monday, April 7, 2008



(April 7, NY,NY) In the world of political consultants, advisors, operatives, strategists, public relations gurus, advertising wizards, financiers and other sordid and sundry assorted hangers on, sycophants, ass-kissers and ingratiaters, Mark Penn ranks among the sleaziest. Perhaps he possesses a stellar intellect and talent but it has not translated well into his management of Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the democratic presidential nomination. A minor conflict of interest, that no one really should have considered a conflict at all, has forced him out of his high ranking position as Chief Strategist to the downgraded, more obscure slot of just another campaign advisor. Poor Mark. What is a brilliant, obese, slob to do?

This is not the first “shake-up” of what was once considered to be Team Clinton, a political juggernaut comprised of the best and the brightest. As it turns out this has been a team of arrogant egos unable to function, or even contemplate having to function, after Super Tuesday. This is the team that thought Hillary’s candidacy in the general election was not only inevitable, but cosmically preordained. They failed to recognize the real threat posed by Mr. Obama and clearly underestimated his talents and team.

What other variables, factors, influences and trends they failed to use in their equations are almost limitless. Team Clinton certainly failed to see just how angry the electorate is, the fact that, for many, she represents everything about politicians they despise, and they misplayed their trump card, Mr. Bill Clinton. Oh boy, did they ever not see what damage he could inflict from inside.

So big, fat Mark Penn maintained his CEO position with a PR firm involved in lobbying on behalf of a South American country; lobbying, that is, for a trade issue that his candidate opposes. This is the depth of his brilliance? This wouldn’t be seen as a conflict of interest? Come on, Chubby. Had your head not been stuffed into a gallon of ice cream, your ego inflated beyond your waist size, perhaps, you would have been more attuned. Greed, Mark, greed and gluttony are both among the Seven Deadly Sins.

Not exactly a scapegoat (more like a scape-rhino) Mark Penn deserves some of the blame for the flame-out of the Hillary 2008 efforts. There is more than enough blame to go around and more than enough pleasure in watching it all happen.

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved