Tuesday, February 10, 2009


God Help Us

Julio Osegueda

(Feb. 10, Ft. Myers, FL) The Republicans have “Joe the Plumber” and now, it appears, the Democrats finally have a worthy counterpart; Julio “The Student” Osegueda. The hyperactive 19 year old college student and McDonalds employee caught the eye of President Obama during a campaign style town hall meeting here earlier today. After the President delivered his opening remarks about the economic turmoil and his proposed “bailout “ plan, he took questions from the audience. The last audience member to ask the President a question was Julio. After jumping wildly up and down on his chair, frantically waving his spaghetti-thin arms above his head and screaming at the President, Julio was called upon to ask his question. Initially, it appeared as if he was preparing to ask a trick question or deliver a sarcastic remark but, Julio did neither. He asked a legitimate question about health care benefits for employees which the President graciously answered.

Some commentators such as the hyper moronic Chris Matthews of MSNBC implied that there was something wrong with Julio. Matthews, with spittle and foam flying from his flapping lips, seemed to interpret Julio’s animated, enthusiastic reaction upon being called on by the President as symptoms of some mental or emotional abnormality. This was an odd point of view coming from the buffoonish blowhard Matthews whose own stability, emotional control and psychological dysfunctions are called into question every night he appears on the third rate cable network.

Criticism, first impressions and appearances aside, Julio is suddenly poised to assume the standard bearer role for the Democratic Party just as the bald, illiterate, unemployed, tax evading, drunken clown Joe Wurzelbacher has for the Republicans. Joe the Plumber, as he has come to be known, gained prominence at the tail end of the Presidential campaign in 2008 once GOP candidate John McCain made the ugly imbecile a household name. Inexplicably, as recently as last week, Joe the Plumber remained deeply involved in the Republican Party addressing a gathering of GOP Congressional staffers.

“Joe the Plumber stands for everything that is good in this country and for everything the Republican Party represents. We are proud to have him as our powerful mascot and a symbol of what we can all become in this country”, commented the ferret faced Senate Minority Leader, Mitch “Little Bitch” McConnell of Kentucky. The chinless, mindless, spineless Little Bitch continued, “Julio is no Joe. I know Joe, I work with Joe, Joe has slept with my wife and, trust me , Julio is no Joe.”

Democratic Party officials showered praise on Julio while expressing deep gratitude for standing up and going berserk today. Chief Adviser to President Obama, Dave Axelrod said, “ Had Julio not gotten the attention of the President, none of us would have the pleasure of knowing him now and America would have been deprived of a great spokesman, a fantastic role model and one super hyped up guy. We think there is definitely a place for him in the Administration if not the White House.”

Julio is a student at Edison State College and has told the press that he plans to pursue a career in broadcasting or as DJ. His stellar communication skills were in full display today and he has gained national prominence in the short time since his rivetting appearance on TV stations around the world. “He will be bigger than Joe the Plumber. Bigger than Rod Blagojevich, Sarah Palin and Tom Daschle”, commented White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel. “The President is looking forward to having Julio join his staff in a position soon to be determined. There is a lot you can do with a guy like this. He will be an effective communicator and may help Americans understand our stimulus package. President Obama
is eager to get Julio involved as soon as possible”, continued Emmanuel.

Julio could not be reached for comment. It was reported that the he is currently in the custody of the Secret Service pending the results of a background check.

At the McDonalds’ where Julio has been employed for the last four years, there were mixed emotions among his fellow employees. “Julio is a great dude man...one of the smartest dudes I know, man”, said Kermit Dilwater, as he dropped frozen fish fillets into the deep fryer. The manager, Julio’s boss, Ned E. Furthz angrily told reporters, “I don’t care if he was elected Pope. He didn’t call in, we don’t know where he is and now I am really short handed. I was getting tired of him drinking all the Mountain Dew and acting like an asshole anyways. Fuck him. I hope Obama gives him a job because his ass is fired from here.”





Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

Monday, February 9, 2009



Boehner, Cantor and Little Bitch: GOP ass wipes

Hoyer, Pelosi, Barney Fag and Hapless Reid: Majority vultures

(Feb. 8, Capitol Hill, DC) They are politician’s politicians; the top level of rodent floating on the surface of the huge cesspool of flotsam, jetsam and vermin that is the 111th United States Congress. They are not elected in a nationwide election yet their decisions have national implications. Some come from small, obscure Congressional districts and sparsely populated States. They are the ‘leadership’ of the House of Representatives and the Senate - the true holders of power in Washington DC.

By wheeling, dealing and all manner of nefarious, underhanded doings within their Party’s caucus, these particular eels manage to be ‘elected’ to these positions of prominence and power by their ‘peers.’ If that isn’t a sham and swindle of epic proportions, nothing else in our government is.

Our tripartite Federal government construct seems to vest most of the power in the Legislative Branch - Congress. The Executive and Judiciary Branches function as counterweights, in a sense, providing some degree of “checks and balances” to the whims and wishes of the Congress. While most Americans are under the impression that the President, our highest elected official chosen by the people, all the people, is possessed of the greatest authority in the land, this is most certainly not the case. The historical context of how our Federal government came to be a tri-branched republic makes for interesting reading. However, at issue today is not why our system is as it is but rather the current Congress and, in particular, the caliber of those individuals who attain the power positions in both Chambers.

This handful of people, accountable only to their small constituencies, literally control our Federal government absolutely. Yes, Presidential powers allow for some mechanisms by which the Executive can circumvent or over rule the Legislative but, for all intents and purposes, to maintain any semblance of order, the President must work within the confines of the Constitutionally supported, three, coequal branch architecture. Arguably and, as evidenced daily, there seems to be little “coequal” about it in practical terms.

Government framework aside, the Congressional ‘leadership’ is the nexus of power, able to set the agenda and allocate funds. Unfortunately the current leaders of both Party’s are among the worst of the worst the halls of Congress have ever seen (and that is saying a lot).

The Republican Leaders are a collection of heartless, mindless, unethical, corrupt, greedy, snakes completely devoid of any notion of upholding the Constitution, conducting the people’s business or having any positive impact on the way our government is administrated. Just looking at them is sickening; listening to their nonsensical rants is horrifying in light of the significance of the problems plaguing the Nation today. Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, the ferret faced, oily stain in the boxer shorts of the Senate is not merely an angry, ugly, evil, ignorant man: he is a dangerous man due to his position as Minority leader. His fellow Senators like John Kyl, John Cornyn, John McCain, Tom Coburn, Kit Bond, David Vitter and ALL the others, represent the polar opposite of what the Senate once stood for, what the Senate was meant to be.

The House GOP with scum bags like John Boehner, Eric Cantor and their fellow cowardly, criminally incompetent bastards are even more mindlessly partisan. These are the people to blame, America. These are the people holding the true power, the real strings to which all must dance. Not elected by all, accountable to none, free to obstruct and distract with impunity, these assholes are the root of all the government’s ailments today. They are unable to legislate or oversee effectively. They serve no one other than themselves and their supporters, as they malignantly seek only financial gain enhanced influence and power

For the Democrats, Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid and the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi are contrasts in style yet equally unqualified for the roles they currently play. Reid is a hapless old idiot whose rise to Majority Leader had more to do with his spinelessness than his ambition. His caucus needed a public face and a fall guy and Harry fit the bill to a tee. On the House side, Speaker Pelosi got her gavel employing ruthless, back room manipulative tactics and presides over her minions as an evil, vindictive, self absorbed, egotist. Her climb to the top was over the broken, bleeding heads and careers of many others. While the fossil Reid could use a face lift, Pelosi has had more plastic surgery (obviously unsuccessful) than Joan Rivers.

Americans cannot contact these people. Their web sites and contacts are designed only for comments from their constituents yet, they run the Country. Why is this? Why are they not accountable and accessible to the entire populace? The “Leaders” remoteness is but another sign of their arrogance and the protective nature of their incumbency, influence and hubris.

Not in over 70 years has this Country faced the complex tangle of problems we do today. Economically alone, we find ourselves not only on the verge of an unprecedented recession but perilously teetering on the edge of a broader collapse the likes of which would take decades to recover from.

Our profound problems at home are not hidden from the world; a hostile world where we are currently engaged in wartime activities on two fronts, bogged down simultaneously in George Bush’s Iraq War of Choice, and the terribly mismanaged fight against the actual terrorists who attacked on our soil, and their supporters in Afghanistan. The scale and scope of our domestic challenges are intricately woven into our national security concerns. We are stretched paper thin around the world while we list dangerously at home taking on more water every day.

The people’s anger should be directed at the so called “leaders” in Congress. They are the true enemy, they are the real threat. As they play politics in the cloakrooms of the Capitol, childishly seeking advantage over each other, tritely keeping score in the game where only they know the rules and only they can benefit from the outcome. The rest of us be damned is their motto as clearly demonstrated by their actions and inactions.

The status quo seems to be an intractable reality where no larger truths can penetrate. After the horror, in the wake of the exposed failures after 9 11 01, nothing changed. Apparently that epic event was not sufficient to end the partisanship and motivate Congress to act appropriately for the good Our Nation as a whole. Nope. Now, in the face of catastrophe, the belligerent infighting continues, the scum bags keep evolving into greater scum bags as the process of actually governing remains rusting in silence.

Where does it end?




Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved