Saturday, May 16, 2009



Find a mission worthy of your history
or abort for good.

(May 16, Huntsville, AL) They had their days; indeed they did. From their inception in 1958 through the early 1970’s, NASA delivered one knock out punch after another to the Soviet Union. Spurred on by the Cold War and John Kennedy’s 1960 directive to “ the end of this decade land a man on the moon and return him safely to the earth”, NASA accomplishments were unparalleled in technology, rocketry, and pure scientific endeavors. Once the basketball-sized Sputnik first beeped over America in orbit, the country united behind NASA. Remarkably, well within JFK’s “decade” time table, NASA not only pioneered all aspects of space exploration and technology, but did in fact land men on the moon. They would continue to do so fro several more years with startling frequency and acumen.

That was then; this is now. NASA’s glory days have long since faded into the past and it’s relevance has been suspect for many years. They have continued to receive funding not for pure space exploration but rather for esoteric projects that have fed billions of tax payer dollars into the aerospace industry with pitifully little to show for it.

Long gone are the heroic days of the Gemini and Apollo projects when armed with little more than courage, slide rulers, vision and guts, men (and a few monkeys) were launched out of earth’s gravitational pull atop what were essentially ICBM missiles. So much was unknown and unknowable as the US reached into space not only to claim the blue ribbon in the “Space Race” against the Soviet Union but also because we could.

Incredibly brave and patriotic aviators such as Alan Shepherd, John Glenn, Scott Cunningham, Jim Lovell, Frank Borman, Buzz Aldrin, Alan Bean, Gordon Cooper, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong,(just to name a few) ventured into the unknown with confidence and pride. They achieved their orbits, performed their maneuvers and ultimately set foot on the moon with little more computing power than is in a microwave oven today. That took not only tremendous balls but unmatched brain power, engineering breakthroughs and technological leaps; each , actually a leap of theory and faith to fulfill their goals.

Soon moon landing became regular and again, routine. The infamous, ill-fated trek of Apollo 13 did not even garner TV coverage until it became an inter space drama of life and death. Shortly thereafter Congress began to “defund” NASA and from that point on it has slowly but ever so steadily drifted into and expensive boondoggle with arguable achievements and value. Perhaps the time has finally come to dismantle it, redefine the mission and end the tremendously expensive folly of sub-orbital charades it has come to be.

After Apollo was finally put to rest NASA struggled to somehow reinvent itself and came up with a disastrous, ridiculed, hunk of junk - Skylab. After untold glitches and performance problems, any one of which could have proven fatal, by 1978 it was falling from orbit only to be incinerated upon reentry through the earth’s atmosphere. If Skylab taught the “second generation” of NASA engineering and management one thing it was how to fail. The standards set by their predecessors had been replaced by mismanagement and the distinct lack of a clear sense of purpose.

Soon they ventured into the lucrative commercial satellite launching business purely to create a much needed revenue stream. Congress was continually calling to defund the beleaguered agency. They also launched our own military and telecommunications satellites largely without incident. To the extent that their “space exploration” existed, it was merely a series of deep space probes, planetary landers such as the Mars Explorer. These endeavors managed to provide a sufficient amount of scientific data to justify their existence as well as to support their beneficiaries in the aerospace industrial complex. At some point in time such data serves only to satisfy academic eggheads of all stripes armed with a never ending surplus of theories and countless ways to suck up tax payer provided grant money. Some of that eras missions ran so far over budget they wound up costing billions.

NASA has continued to be an economic drain and a haven for Ph.D’s with such specialized education's, there is little more than they could do. NASA continued to recruit that generation of “space freaks” while searching for a viable, worthwhile mission that would have some military or real scientific value. Instead, they came up with the Shuttle Program. After reaching and achieving landings and lunar surface exploration, they were now settled on sub orbital flight with little to no value. Others may argue to the contrary but, a cost benefit analysis will overwhelmingly prove that as the agency moved into their “Third generation” they were nothing but a waste of resources and funds.

Some will strongly dispute this assessment. They would most likely be those whose livelihoods were dependent on useless programs and “make work“ projects for the eggheads. NASA had become an embarrassment to its own outstanding history, a red headed stepchild disowned by those who had been true pioneers in space. The Shuttle was a glorified airplane that would venture no further than 220 miles from the surface of the earth. A far cry from Apollo 8 being the first to circumvent the Moon, to go silently around to the unknown, mysterious and potentially dangerous dark side. These men set out on their voyages in capsules not much bigger than the interior of a good sized sedan and truly went where no man had gone before. The Shuttle would in a short time prove itself to be largely ill conceived and fatally flawed by expediency and arrogance.

Most of its early flights were done under the questionable auspices of “scientific and / or medical research”. The knowledge acquired from those costly missions has yet to yield anything of practical value. Shuttle launches became public relations events where non- traditional professionals were suddenly elevated to the status of “astronauts.” What an insult to the real Astronauts. The party all came to a crashing, exploding, flaming end in January 1984 when the Challenger blew apart for all the world to see. While the Soviets were permitted their numerous failures behind the strict secrecy the Iron Curtain provided, America’s failures, though infrequent, became international news.

The Challenger was just another step the Congress and public took away from the “space” program.

The Shuttle missions were halted for several years after the Challenger tragedy; a tragedy compounded by the sorry fact that it can have been averted if not for a poorly place, faulty 57 cent “O” ring. How careless and cavalier had the agency that once boasted “Failure is not an Option” as their motto become?

The Third generation of NASA trudged on through more deep space probes and the launching of the Hubble Telescope which promised to provide more information about the “origins and workings” of our ever expanding universe than any thing in history. This billion dollar project was the ultimate in wasteful egghead placating, aerospace industry pacifying, projects.

To this day we have yet to even partially explore the farthest depths of the Earth’s oceans, venture into that most hostile of environments, but, we seemed comfortable with spending billions to try to prove a theory dreamed up by Albert Einstein almost 75 years prior. The heights of pork barrel spending, hypocrisy and uselessness have arrived. NASA no longer retains any utility and now, with the final repairs made to the Hubble completed this week, it is time for a series assessment of the Agency’s future.

Many other countries can provide satellite launching capabilities virtually all of whom can place a satellite in orbit far more economically than NASA. Several private companies have also entered the space industry offering cutting edge technology, innovative approaches and new and novel perspectives and ideas. They have left the cumbersome Agency in the dust.

The past years have seen the dismantling , demolition and destruction of some of the largest man made structures ever produced, all of which were specifically designed for NASA and in particular, the Apollo program. Those controlled demolition's represented the end of an era and, after the dust cleared left NASA naked, striped of any discernible useful purpose. The Agency itself should now be demolished, dismantled, if not blown up. The time has come.

From this northern Alabama city, Huntsville, the echoes and ghosts of NASA’s finest days still reverberate. It was here that German scientists such as Werner Von Braun dreamed, designed and built some of the most impressive rockets ever seen. Their vision and purpose was clear and they knew success that awed the world.

The men that were present when NASA came into being were of such character and brilliance that their likes will never be seen again, certainly not in the name of space exploration.

The hundreds of billions NASA has leached from the national treasury during this, its fumbling third generation could have funded countless areas of research that may have provided practical discoveries for our greater good whether they be in energy technology, water purification, harnessing natural resources more effectively or any number of other areas desperately demanding attention.

NASA, you were one of a kind but, like most third generation businesses the time has come to shut your doors, have a liquidation sale, keep what works and get rid of the rest.

Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

Friday, May 15, 2009



Emmanuel jilts long time lover Anderson Cooper.

(May 14, Oakton, VA) This posh suburb south of Washington, DC , where houses can cost well over $1 million dollars, is home to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel. This is the place he spent the most time with his long time lover, Anderson Cooper of CNN. Neighbors often saw the outwardly appearing couple strolling hand in hand. Their love affair has been one of the best kept secret in the fish bowl that is Washington although, by many accounts it as known but kept quiet . The press, for some odd reason, gave the two gay men a pass; they did not report on their affair.

All that has suddenly changed. Since Emmanuel began what insiders describe as a “torrid” love affair, the story is now making headlines as well as making waves. Emmanuel and Cooper are both powerful in different ways with each in a position to do damage to the other. One Washington insider who is familiar with both men said, “Before this runs its course it has the potential for being very, very nasty and public. Anderson is devastated since Rahm dumped him for a woman. He may never get over it. He allegedly through most of Rahm's clothes out the window of the house they shared and set them on fire. He is really struggling.”

What many find most shocking is the fact that Emmanuel is involved with a woman; not just any woman but the Speaker of the House, 69 year old Nancy Pelosi. Ken Philner a life long friend of Em,manuel since kindergarten commented, “I am absolutely blown away that Rahm has taken up with a woman. I suppose he has transformed from homosexual to bisexual somewhere in the last few months. It is heartbreaking to see him leave Anderson who has been so loyal. Anderson loves Rahm, it is that simple.”

Sources in the Speaker’s office commented not for attribution told TBC that “Nancy really found Rahm attractive. She did everything she could to seduce him and it worked. They have been very discrete but, at times, they have been careless.” Doris Leah Flambue, a former aide to Pelosi revealed that “One day when I thought the Speaker had left the office I walked in and found her and Rahm having sex on her desk. It was disgusting. They were going at it like high school kids. They both saw me and just kept on boinking and laughing. I resigned from my job the next day.”

Sources at CNN say the vapid, dimwitted news anchor Cooper has been behaving erratically and has had several emotion breakdowns on the set. “One night, just before he went on the air, I saw him sobbing like a child. He was furiously masturbating and howling. He threw a dildo at one of the staff. It was a disturbing sight. Finally one of the cameramen slapped him around and Anderson seemed to come to his senses. I know the CNN management is very concerned with his stability. They may have to make some changes soon. You simply cannot have an anchorman crying and jerking off before going on the air”, noted Andrea Glufford, a CNN news associate producer who oversees the “Anderson Cooper 360” program.

Allegedly Cooper and Emmanuel began their affair after first meeting each other last October while then Senator Obama was involved in his campaign for President. Within days they were living together. Cooper flew up to New York City every afternoon to host his show and flew back immediately afterwards. He became a familiar face to the flight crews on the late night shuttle from New York to Washington. Gary Limpdong, a stewardess on the American Airlines late night shuttle commented, “It was apparent to me that Anderson was seeing someone in DC. He often had flowers and chocolates with him on the flight. We had had a very brief sexual encounter, I thought he was cute. After a few times together I broke it off because he liked rough sex. I’m not into that . I don’t want to be whipped, spanked and choked during sex. I like it tender. Anderson was just too brutal for me. Now, I hate him. I hope he looses his job. He’s such an arrogant queen, a real diva, I can’t believe CNN puts up with him.”

When questioned about the affair, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was reluctant to comment. He would only say that, “Rahm is a well known queer in certain circles here and in Chicago. I say to each his own. I am just surprised he would leave Anderson for Nancy Pelosi. She is a real bitch and, up close, hideously ugly. I don’t know what Rahm sees in her but I wish them both well. Their affair might help President Obama advance his agenda. I just hope they stay together long enough to pass health care reform.”

Some Congressmen such as openly, flamingly gay Representative Barney Frank express great concern over the relationship between the White House Chief of Staff and the House Speaker. Frank said, “I think this is a crass, trashy maneuver by Nancy Pelosi. Not only could this cause discord among Democrats, I am angry that she has turned one of the most gifted homosexual lovers. I will never forgive her.”

Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, May 13, 2009




(May 13, Twisted Gullet, IA) Just weeks after a three court panel of Iowa Supreme Court justices allowed same sex marriage as legal in this state of hogs, cows and corn, there has been a noticeable surge in people coming here to get married. The economy is getting a much need boost from these homosexual visitors. Merlin Knebel who owns several Holiday Inn’s around the Des Moines area said, “ We have been fully booked for nearly two weeks with reservations being called in from all over the country. My hotels haven’t been this filled up since the Pork Expo in 2002.”

According to the Iowa State Board of Tourism, legalizing homosexual marriage has brought millions of dollars to this state. The homosexuals seem to spend lavishly while here with some of the couples spending thousands of dollars for receptions, parties and other celebration functions. Gillian Krumpf of the Governor’s Commission For Homosexuals commented, “These people know they are welcome here, not only to get legally married but to just fool around if they want to. We welcome their tourism money for our hotels, motels, restaurants, gay book stores, tuxedo rental establishments and bridle and tack shops. If you are gay and live in the midwest and want to get hitched, well, you bet this is the place to come.”

Not all Iowans are as comfortable with same sex marriage but, for the most part, them appear to be tolerating it well. Manure farmer Landel Schwartzendruber said, “I could care less what you do in your private times. Hell, my cousin Floyd had a thing going with a goat for many years. I figure to each his own but, well, all these queers and dykes coming here just don’t seem right.”

What seems to trouble Iowans most is that the decision to allow same sex marriage was made by three judges. Most Iowans wish they had the opportunity to vote on the issue since it is somewhat controversial in certain segments of the state. Already several special interest groups have been organized protesting the same sex bill and plan to oppose it fiercely if they manage to get it on the state wide ballot in 2010. Burl McHusk, founder of Iowans Against Non Same Sex Marriage commented, “We’ll fight this tooth and nail. We don’t need these people coming here corrupting the minds of our children, steers and swine. Enough is enough, by golly.”

Conversely, there are a number of pro same sex marriage groups aggressively organizing ad campaigns promoting it as just another well deserved civil right. Lance Phluffer of the Iowa Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Education Movement sees the often subtle, just under the surface prejudice against gays in Iowa as potentially dangerous. Phluffer said, “While most Iowans will tell you to your face they support you, some would shoot you in the back if given the chance. Civil rights include rights for all citizens no matter whom they choose to sleep with, have bawdy, illicit sex with or marry. We will get our message out and we thank the Iowa Supreme Court for being so progressive.”

This post is the latest installment in our “Unsalted Earth” series.

Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Bill Clinton with his adopted African son;
Madonna with one of hers.

(May 12, Malawi, Africa) With the current Democratic President, Barak Obama, enjoying popularity levels not seen of a Democratic president in 25 years, the last Democratic president, Bill Clinton, has been feeling eclipsed. As his lard assed wife, Hillary is serving as Secretary of State, the Ex-president is searching for a way to once again become relevant in the surging Democratic Party.

According to sources close to the former President, Bill Clinton is feeling somewhat “neglected.” Although his charitable foundation is doing outstanding work on world poverty and AIDS, spending millions in the most impoverished countries, the millions he is making from speaking engagements does not seem to satisfy him. One of his oldest advisers commented, “Bill feels a little out of sorts. While his wife travels the globe screwing up foreign policy, he has come to think that the Democratic Party has turned a cold shoulder to him. Frankly, they have.”

In an effort to recapture media attention, the former President has decided to adopt an African baby. Mr. Clinton recently traveled to Malawi, Africa and snatched a young African boy and has initiated adoption proceedings. James Carville, the serpent headed, long time friend of Mr. Clinton said, “I believe President Clinton is sincere and his adoption of a little Black boy says a lot about his character, his heart and his loneliness.”

The plight of starving orphans has been championed in recent years, most notably by the world famous entertainer, Madonna. Madonna has adopted several needy children from third world countries often over the objections of their birth parents. Such objections have not usually interfered with her efforts to gain custody of the children and bring them back to America where they can grow up obese, illiterate and otherwise lazy.

Malawian authorities report that President Clinton arrived in their country Monday with an entourage that included his soon to be married daughter, Chelsea, and such luminaries as Al Sharpton, George Clooney, Kid Rock, PeeWee Herman, Joan Rivers, Dr. Phil and Art Garfunkle. Upon his arrival he was transported by helicopter, jeep and camel to a sprawling refugee camp. Apparently one of the thousands of orphans made his way to the former President, jumped in his arms, stuck his tongue in his ear, and captured Clinton’s heart. “This young fella is coming back with me to the United States. He deserves a better life and I deserve a boat load more publicity. I’m tired of seeing Hillary’s saggy ass on TV. I’ll raise this child just like I did my own; scared, abandoned and unreliably but, with a lot of love. I just can’t wait to hire a nanny for him. Since I can’t hire interns anymore, I have been waiting to hire up a good looking, Hispanic nanny.”

Secretary Hillary Clinton reached on a high level diplomatic visit to Sri Lanka commented, “I know Bill has been lonely, feeling left out. He sure knows a thing or two about Black babies and I am glad he has decided to adopt. I wish him well.”

Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

Monday, May 11, 2009



New leadership does not change
“ownership” of Afghan fiasco.

(May 11, Washington, DC) Only in Washington; only inside the Beltway can such ignorant proclamations appear valid. The inhabitants of the cloistered environs of the “Beltway Bubble” all suffer from a virulent strain of Attention Deficit Disorder as well as several other pathologies manifest as cognizant dissonance, idiocy, rushes to judgment, short term memory disorder and self aggrandizement syndromes where in they are all rendered incapable of realizing reality and too eager to believe their own hyperbole. No wonder the American “News and Journalism” are in such dire straits. Their profound isolation from the real world are pushed their whole charade towards irrelevance as far as journalistic or any other brand of credibility is concerned. Their latest boondoggle is a beaute.

Within 24 hours of Commander-In-Cheif Obama replaced a Bush Era holdover to lead the NATO efforts to combat the deteriorating situation in Afghanistan, several “mainstream media” outlet have already given undue significance to the personnel decision. Some have gone so far to indicate that this single personnel change now gives President Obama “ownership” of an almost 8 year struggle, a struggle so grossly mismanaged by the Bush Administration and his deluded civilian and military architects, that their abysmal collective failures in strategy, tactics and, mostly robust military combat commitment, have created the conditions that have allowed the fighting to continue unabated since October 2001.

Condi Rice, Dick, George W and Rummie -

Current Commander of combat forces in Afghanistan, Gen. David McKiernan, was appointed to that position by the Bush Administration Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, in July 2008. Gates still remains as Secretary of Defense after Obama decided to keep the Bush Era holdover for “continuity”, insisted that removing McKiernan was in no way an indication that “things have gone wrong”, bu attributed the switch to McChrystal as a decision arrived at after close consultation with the Joint Chiefs of Staff and General David Petraeus.

Last week president Obama outlined his new “seven year strategy” for Afghanistan yet this cannot be a reason to suddenly dub that conflict as being “Obama’s War.” The hapless, tone deaf, arrogant Bush Administration quickly shifted all their resources to Iraq quickly after US forces “defeated” the Taliban and had “Al Queda on the run.” The harsh facts on the ground today that both the Taliban and Al Queda have resurged to strength and efficiency levels not seen since 2001. Today both entities threaten the stability of weak governments both in Afghanistan and neighboring Pakistan. Recent statements by the President of Pakistan are “encouraging” to the pentagon and may represent a profound reassessment in the Pakistani government regarding the true nature of the threat they represent to Pakistan’s national security.

Only within the free for all of the 24 hour newsertainment cycle could anyone even attempt to assign “ownership” of Afghanistan to President Obama who is a scant 113 days from his inauguration. Such a charge is so outrageously erroneous it says more about the poor quality of those who “report” from within the Beltway as it does about most American’s ability or desire to see beyond the bogus headlines.

This is George W. Bush and his boss, Dick Cheney’s war; always has been, always will be. Old Dick is on cable newsertainment programs virtually daily defending his criminal, failed, illegal and unproductive tactics regarding torture touting the fact that he and Georgie, and their “enhanced interrogation tactics” protected the United States from additional terrorist attacks after 9 11 01. Perhaps if this was true, he would not sound so miserably pathetic but no less insane and evil than he did for the 8 years he ran the country and wrongly prosecuted two wars of his own design.

If water boarding and all the other “unconventional” interrogation techniques were so effective Dick, than why the hell is Osama Bin Laden still at large for the last 7 plus years? Georgie vowed to “kill or capture Bin Laden” citing the Texas philosophy of rounding him up “dead or alive.”

We have all seen how that has worked out. All of this geopolitical strife has been left on the overcrowded desk of President Obama while crooked mouthed Prick Cheney blathers on continuing to spew out his lies, tripe and deceits. Weapons of mass destruction - remember them Dick?

Outside the cocoon of the Beltway the facts are much more apparent and impossible to conceal, deny or pretend they never happened. Obama’s war, Dick? Not a chance.


Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved