Saturday, September 29, 2007


The post posted below was submitted to us immediately after the Democratic debate Wednesday night. The author, our Cynyc in New Hampshire, Farley Marsden, e-mailed his post to our Administrator. The Administrator takes full responsibility for not having Farley's insightful, if not hyperbolic post posted in a timely manner. To compensate to Farley for our error, we will not dispatch him to South Carolina for their Primary.

Democratic Dunces dance at Dartmouth

Hanover, NH Sept. 25, 2007
: The Democratic candidates seeking the presidency met here tonight on the Dartmouth University campus for their seventh debate. Yes, a mere 15 weeks or so from the asinine quadrennial charade known as the Iowa Caucuses, we have already been subjected to seven debates without having a realistic, novel, creative idea regarding any of the serious, profound challenges facing our next president, produced by any of these contenders.

Tonight’s debate came in the aftermath of a weekend in which New York Senator, Hillary Clinton, appeared to have been anointed as her party’s candidate by everyone from The New York Times to Track and Field. If her general election candidacy is all but assured, why bother with debates? In good conscience, if everyone on the Democratic side knows at this point that they have a candidate and it is Hillary Clinton, they should be kind enough to inform the other characters that the game is over. Why should poor old Chris Dodd be out banging on doors in a futile fund raising effort? Let him go home; he and the other sorry cast of lightweights, featherweights and masturbates that shared the stage with Hillary.

If Hillary Clinton is the best her party can do, someone ought to locate Karen Harris, dust or off, and empower her to start the recount immediately.

Pundits and blowhards of every ilk were proclaiming prior to the debate that “Hillary wins if she does not loose”. They may have well as added “Tippacanoe and Tyler too.” She wins the debate if she does not loose the debate? Is this the point our political process has devolved to? Apparently so.

Her alleged “closest competitors”, greenhorn Illinois Senator Barak Obama and flash-in-the-pan (four years ago), one term former Senator from North Carolina, John Edwards, are remarkable only for how genuinely unremarkable they are . They are laughable.

While there exists that two-man tier of the laughable, there is a heavily populated mezzanine of the hopelessly, comically, unimaginable. And on a lodge of his own stands dark-horse, Joe Biden, six term Senator from Delaware. More people were in attendance at Dartmouth tonight than have ever lived in the state of Delaware. Be that as it may, Biden should be the Democratic candidate. He has somehow, oddly, in a strange sense morphed into a younger, more cosmetically surgically reconstructed version of Bob “It’s my turn, goddammit”, Dole.

So Hillary can coast from now until the Democratic Convention? Maybe. A cursory glance at the rest of the field will quickly prove why this may, in fact, be so.

Edwards and Obama possess collectively, about as much qualification to be President of the United States as do Brittany Spears and Starr Jones. Granted, Brittany would most likely bring Kim Jong Il and other despots to their respective knees with her “diplomatic” efforts, neither “Pretty” John nor “Not Black Enough” Barak, could find their way to the Larry Craig Memorial Men’s Room in St. Paul. The aforementioned Connecticut Senator, Chris Dodd, looks, sounds, and thinks more like someone’s Uncle Ned after a few belts at the local tavern, than the elected Leader of the Free World.

Few of us living in the lower 48 were aware that a brain could be frostbitten: alas, Former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel has demonstrably proven otherwise. Mike should go home, drink and recreationally whale his way into full blown senility.

Former Mayor of Cleveland, now Ohio Congressman Denis Kucinich. (Is that a sentence? Is this REALLY a candidate?) Denis should just go home to his double-wide in Sandusky. One has to reluctantly give him credit for balls but seriously, this ET look alike should save his resources, strength, and efforts to take his twenty-something year old wife home and infarct in bed with her.

Half of the famous Lou Costello, Bud Abbot comedy team, Abbot & Costello, is apparently alive, well and governing the great state of New Mexico. The former jack-off of all trades from the Clinton administration, Bill Richardson, appears to be utterly incapable of manning a hot-dog stand in Brooklyn let alone be commander in chief of the US of A. Does this guy have anyone around him who can candidly provide advice and counsel? Obviously, not. This bloated buffoon, Lou Costello impersonator, should at least change his name to Chico Quintana if he wants to run as the “Latino” candidate. He held every job in the Clinton administration from Secretary of Energy, United Nations Ambassador to Men’s Room Valet at the Blair House and deftly managed to fail abysmally at each. Stunningly, each failure brought him a promotion! He is at least consistent. He has somehow, at each debate, managed to appear more haggard, disheveled and constipated. We should all lobby for a national health care plan just so Bill can have a colonoscopy. Then, maybe, he can afford some shampoo, a haircut and a comb.

So it appears that we have Hillary, guffaw and all, to contend with. We can observe the odds swing to and fro in Las Vegas as the months slide by between now and the general election. Not so fast.

The idiotic, deluded citizens of Iowa and New Hampshire still have to venture out in sub zero temperatures with nothing but the promise of a beer,a brat and the chance to cast a futile vote on a January night before the actual process of elimination can begin. It remains vitally important to the cohesiveness, if not the actual strength of our Union, to allow the obese, dimwitted Iowans and New Hampshirites to go through their much beloved ritual, to kick off this foregone conclusion.

While the manic Chris Matthews’ of the world spew spittle on their TelePrompTer's shouting the virtues of Hillary in oh-eight, we should sit back and wait for the surge; the inevitable yet universally un-thought-of surge that will begin in Rehobeth Beach, spread like wild fire to Smyrna and Dover cresting to elevate Delaware’s favorite son, former brain surgery patient, Joe Biden, to the position of noble standard bearer of the Democratic Party.

Post-note: Tavis Smiley is the mocha Tim Russert

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Friday, September 28, 2007


Baltimore, MD: Earlier tonight on the campus of Morgan State University, a most unusual event was held with the lofty, if not laughable, title of The All American Presidential Candidates Forum. Being conducted on the campus of a historically, predominately black university, hosted by Tavis Smiley with a panel composed of a black, a Puerto Rican and a Black Puerto Rican journalist, the concept seemed to be to appeal to minority voters. This “All American” Forum consisted entirely of Republican Presidential hopefuls and, at best, the second and third tier candidates only. After some opening digs at Rudy Guiliani, Mitt Romney, John McCain and Fred Thompson for being “no-shows”, this intense and lively exchange of views began.

For some reason known only to himself and perhaps two or three others, Mr. Smiley began the Forum with a quote from the latest book by Dr. Cornell West. For those unacquainted with Dr. West, the quote was inane and irrelevant, for those familiar with him, it was simply more of his usually gibberish interpreted as some profound truth. Perhaps a presidential debate addressing the issues of the “black and brown” communities would not be necessary if not for the Dr. Cornell West’s of the world. He is among that elite and oh so useless class of “Professional Blacks” whose only notoriety is in being black, Ivy League educated and employed. His ilk make their livings off the “black community” and the “plight of black America”. Dr. West is no more familiar with the inner workings of the urban black community than George Wallace ever was and has about an equal amount of utility to it as did Governor Wallace. He, with his retro- 60’s afro and black silk throat scarf resembled Liza Minelli on a bad hair day. Perhaps even an obese, incontinent, babbling, drugged-up, has-been like Liza is more in touch with the “black” community than pompous, condescending, affirmative-action produced Dr. West.

One of the most notable features of the night, aside from the complexion of the panel and audience, was the stunning ignorance, incompetence and idiocy of the candidates. A viewer could not help but marvel that any of these men had ever held a job at Jiffy-Lube let alone have been voted into elected office. Some were more distinguishable in their ineptitude than others.

Perhaps the dimmest bulb in this cheap, short circuited chandelier was California Congressman, Duncan Hunter. When not fumbling for an inane response to a question he looked as if he was passing a kidney stone. His lone argument for supporting his candidacy for the Presidency appears to be that he can say the word “barrio” many times, usually in sentences in which it has no proper usage. Somehow, ole Duncan is hard to picture as the crusading, neighborhood savior of the “barrio” he claims to have been in his young days as a lawyer. Bubba the Love Sponge is more articulate on matters of public policy than Duncan Hunter. At least a large viewing audience had the chance to see just how stupid this man is.

The standout candidate of the night (which is not saying much at all) was undoubtedly, Congressman Tom Tancredo of Colorado. He produced the most lucid, sensible answers and clearly evoked the loudest positive audience responses of the night (seriously). His tough anti-immigration stance was very popular with the crowd and, in many respects he appeared to be the most well informed, relaxed and well spoken of this pathetic group.

Former United Nations Ambassador and perennial-negroe-candidate-at large-for-any office, Alan Keyes, was nothing if not entertaining. Though a bit nasally, Keyes delivered his answers in Baptist preacher-like cadence in the alto range of Edith Bunker. His response to virtually every question was basically redundant but, passionate. The family is the answer, amen.

Ron Paul, befuddled Texas Congressman, had an enthusiastic, vocal group of supporters present. He stuck to his stanch Libertine philosophy beyond the point of amusement. At one point he appeared to be the wicked witch of the west minus black cape and pointy hat.

Sam Brownback, Republican Senator from Kansas. Now, here is one dynamic, telegenic, brilliant candidate. Brownback, who eerily resembles a pale hedge hog, was less coherent in his thoughts and words than Teddy Kennedy after a nine martini lunch, a panty raid and a keg. Brownback and Hunter were almost evenly matched in their abject lack of intelligence, shallowness of thought, vapidity of ideas and overall idiocy.

Mike Huckabee shouldn’t even bother. No civilized western nation will ever elect president a man named HUCKABEE. It just won’t happen. His genial Southern Baptist earnestness is appealing, he could be an effective photo lab technician at WalMart but should simply go back to Arkansas and fish.

Perhaps the candidates were simply in over their collective heads, rendered moronic by the insightful, penetrating questions from the panel. Pulitzer Prizes must be available on e-bay. That is the only way possible Cynthia Tucker of the Atlanta Journal Constitution could have gotten one. Her questions were more appropriate to a debate in 1967 rather than 2007. Ray Suarez from NPR must have thought he was interviewing for a job at BET News while Bill O’Rielly confidante, Juan Williams appeared to be even dumber than he sounds on radio.

This was basically not simply a waste of time but also an embarrassment. It was embarrassing to watch these buffoons struggle to answer childish questions from village idiots with degrees in journalism and full time jobs. It was no wonder that the only Republican candidate's (with a chance of winning) thus far actively running for President decided to take the night off to bowl, kiss ass, get a divorce or have their teeth cleaned.

Who exactly is Tavis Smiley, anyway?

Copyright © 2007 TBC All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, September 26, 2007



Washington DC: In an extraordinarily rare bipartisan effort, both the Senate and House of Representatives passed an initiative encouraging Americans to smoke. Since both chambers have introduced legislative measures to increase the tax on cigarettes to fund specific health care programs for children, the dwindling number of American smokers has raised concern on Capitol Hill. “ Kids need health insurance. We need money to pay for it. The easiest way to raise tax dollars is to increase the taxes levied on tobacco products”, said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Democrat from Nevada. Senator Dick Shelby, Republican of Alabama who is cosponsoring the initiative said “Hail, them folks that smoke well...they’re addicted anyhows. They gonna smoke no matta whut it costs ‘em...might as well make some more money off ‘em”.

After decades of Congress supporting anti-smoking campaigns and after many high profile class action settlements against tobacco companies on behalf of smokers who became ill, this initiative is a dramatic shift. No executives from the largest tobacco companies could be reached for comment. Most, it has been reported, had either fainted, gone berserk or were hospitalized for hysterical laughter after hearing of the news urging Americans to smoke.

The Congress will launch a country wide public relations effort in the hopes of gaining public support. The PR blitz will begin next week with the unveiling of the slogan “Smoke ‘em up for the kids”. This slogan will appear on billboards, buses, taxis as well as in bars, truck stops and brothels. “The aim here is not only to encourage people to smoke but also to encourage those that do smoke to smoke even more”, commented I.M. Slick the CEO of the Washington DC based PR firm Slick & Slicker.

The number of Americans who smoke has declined dramatically since the 1960’s with recent studies reporting that only 21% to 23% of the population smoke cigarettes. These figures vary at the state level where some states have a smokers rate of up to 47%. Also, studies indicate the demographics of the smoking population demonstrate smokers tend to be less educated, of lower income, more frequent bowlers, drinkers and wife beaters than their nonsmoking counterparts. “A big challenge will be to change this poor image of smokers and smoking”, noted Mr. Slick.

Congressmen and Senators from tobacco producing states expressed mixed feelings about this new initiative but all were pleased that finally smoking was being appreciated for it’s social, if not economic value. “My great grandma smoked 4 packs a day from the time she was 7 until she died at age 101. Smokin’ never hurt the old gal. Hail, she’d still be alive, kickin and smokin if that jack didn’t give way while she was changin’ the oil on the John Deere”, said Senator Mitch McConnell, Republican of Kentucky. McConnell has consistently fought antismoking legislation and has also been voted The Ugliest, Stupidest Man in Government for the last 17 years. He narrowly edged out Congressman Henry Waxman, Democrat of California to win the title last year.

People across the country have expressed a variety of reactions to the news that our federal government actually wants people to smoke. “Sheet, I quit a few years ago cause they took out one a my lungs and amputated my tongue. Hail, if my government needs me to smoke, by golly, I’m buyin’ a pack of Luckies right now”, said Lloyd Splatch from Megehee, Arkansas. Fawn LeShay of San Francisco commented that she ”smokes about a pound of grass a week. Will...ah...that help the kids”? When she was informed that marijuana is not taxable by the federal government and also happens to be illegal she asked “Since when, man”. She was later spotted buying Twinkies and a pack of Newports in a local deli.

The overall boon to the economy as a result of increased smoking is predicted to be significant. According to Walter Fetard, an economist at North Carolina University, “Many industries will benefit if more people start smoking. Match production will increase as will the production of ash trays, lighters, breath mints, chewing gum, cheap whiskey, air fresheners, fire extinguishers, whitening toothpaste's and coffee. Yes sir, smoking might just lift our stagnant economy out of the rut”.

Some state’s appear to be more enthusiastic than others. Democratic Governor of Iowa, Chet Culver plans to introduce a bill that would lower the legal smoking age in Iowa to 12. “If they’re old enough to castrate a hog or ear tag a calf, they’re old enough to smoke in my book. What better way for kids to helps other kids”, said Culver while in attendance at the Wapello County Annual Pork Eat-A-Thon and Belch-Off. Many of those attending this popular, noisy event were enthusiastic about smoking more, starting to smoke after having quit, or having their first cigarette ever. Earliss Schwackenhacker, 77 from Dung Rapids was seen giving his grandson, Yoke, age 8, a Pall Mall. “Least I can do for the little fella is show him how it’s done”, said Earliss, wistfully adding “I still remember my first smoke. My granddaddy made me smoke a pack of Camels after he caught me messin’ with one of his sheep but, I loved it right off anyhows”.

Copyright TBC 2007 All Rights Reserved

Monday, September 24, 2007


Unions Contributed to Decline in US Manufacturing

Some folks simply have no shame; just a tremendous amount of arrogance, ignorance and hubris. By now most Americans know that the day of the labor union has come and gone. They were tremendous agents for change in the workplace and for worker's rights from the 1950's through the 1970's but then, greed set in. In 1964 almost 40% of the US work force was unionized. In 2004 a scant 8% of workers were union members. The unions, collectively, are largely responsible for creating the conditions in corporate America that forced so many businesses to move manufacturing and production jobs offshore, downsize, out source and simply refuse to give in the the union's outrageous demands. So, the UAW walks out. 74,000 or so well paid folks want even more from their employers. Too bad. They haven't the intelligence to see what their greed has wrought and continue to demand more. They have no clue what the other 91% of people who actually work hard for their livings have to contend with. The majority of Americans are not so fortunate to have union jobs were they are coddled, babied and protected from disciplinary action despite the cause. When politicians talk about "courting labor" they are referring to this small minority of those holding union cards; cards usually acquired via nepotism, payoffs or having a "connection". GM has reported that it must add approximately $1500 to the selling cost of each vehicle it produces simply to pay for retirees health benefits. There are more retired union members than active members and, like Social Security, the simplicity of that equation is inescapable.

So, they strike, walk out, picket, protest and complain. Let them. Meanwhile, your average worker has no such luxuries. They have to take it, do whatever is required of them or start seeking a job. The labor unions should grow up and shut up. The average union member makes a per hour wage vastly higher than the nonunion member and has a superior benefits package, perks and protections that are almost beyond belief. It is about time corporate America played hard ball with these lazy, spoiled mopes. They should be grateful for what they have and, if they had the ability to look around them, they would see, in real and relative terms just how much their union job provides them. We would not have a vast "rust belt" today nor would we be importing steel from Japan, we would not have the tremendous trade defect and our appliances, computers, electronics and countless other items would still be made right here in the 50 states. If the union leaders had consciences they would be well advised to take a good, hard, objective look at reality and see how they have contributed to the decline of American productivity and manufacturing. Union contracts are often so padded with perks that, in some cases, members work 45 minutes out of each hour, have exorbitant paid leave policies and all manner of other benefits that appall the non-unionized. Ask any truck driver how long it takes to get loaded or unloaded at a union -manned dock as a result of their contract's stipulations.

Given all union’s get it is no wonder that we have witnessed hundreds of thousands of jobs going overseas and have parts of the country devastated by the closing of plants and factories, ghost town-like main streets and the host of social ills that inevitably ensue.

So, UAW is on strike? Screw them. Fire them all. Give them the choice to make concessions or fire them. It is about time they all went away.