Thursday, January 15, 2009



American Hero will lead all-star line up.


(Jan. 15, Washington, DC) Word was leaked out tonight from high ranking advisors in the Obama Transition Team, that Joe the Plumber will perform at the Inauguration Ceremony before the 44th President, Barak Obama, is sworn into office on January 20th. This has been one of the most tightly held secrets of the transition and the details were still being worked out at this late date.

According to team Obama sources, speaking not for attribution, The President-elect himself invited Joe to headline one of the Inauguration Night’s most important parties. He will be joined on stage by such powerhouse performers as:

Peter Lemongello, the world famous crooner of 1970’s ultra-brief fame.

Joe will also perform several duets with Yusaf Islam, the has-been singer once known as Cat Stevens.

Joe’s All Star Show will also feature some of the best known most easily forgotten singers of the past, many of whom now play to semi-packed houses in Branson, Missouri and Tunica, Mississippi, including the pictured above, from upper left,(or from very bad to absolutely the worst): The Temptations, Milli Vanilli, John Tesh and Juice Newton. A very special member of Joe’s show is the world famous soprano;

Jim Nabors, former international star of Gomer Pyle, The Andy Griffin Show and second rate Las Vegas lounge’s. Nabors may be best loved and remembered as the former lover of Rock Hudson who died of AIDS in 1985.

Top Advisor to Barak Obama, David Axelrod said, “The President-elect thought that as long as we are hosting a dinner for John McCain we might as well invite Joe the Plumber to do something. Barak Obama feels a debt of gratitude toward Joe. All of us in Team Obama and, Obama himself recognize the value of Joe in the campaign, We firmly believe he helped us beat the pants off McCain almost as much as Sarah Palin did. We thank them both. Sarah Palin declined our invitation to the John McCain dinner and told us that ‘I wouldn’t be in the same room as all those BLACKS, even if they were serving moose sautéed in whale blubber.”

According to Axelrod, Joe the Plumber will sing ‘Ave Maria’ and ‘A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall’ at the Inauguration on the steps of the Capitol and may also perform a duet of ‘We are the World’ with Bono of U2 fame.

Reportedly, Michelle Obama, the soon to be First Lady was particularly excited to see some of the artists that will accompany Joe on stage. She commented via phone that “ I grew up admiring so many of these super talented performers. I remember really having the hots for Peter Lemongello when I was in sixth grade, Milli Vanilli... well, I have their single. The Temptations are my real heroes and, what can I say about Jim Nabors?!”

As more details of the entire day and night’s entertainment line up becomes available, we will continue to inform you like it or not.

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Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III
US Airways Pilot - savior of 155 lives.

(Battery Park, NYC, Jan.15, 2009) Demonstrating extraordinary poise and skill as his plane lost power over the most densely populated metropolitan area in the country, US Airways veteran pilot, Sully Sullenberger, made an “unbelievable” water landing atop the frigid surface of the Hudson River. The end results of his grace and superior abilities and piloting proficiency, was the fact that his Airbus A320’s smoothly touched down, the Airbus A320 remaining undamaged structurally floating until all 155 on board were safely evacuated. His steady hand and mind maintained control of the jet in spite of a complete loss of power. Captain Sullenberger then walked the length of the passenger cabin twice before exiting the now partially sunk aircraft.

Those on bard as well as the hundreds of witnesses to the “perfect water landing” expressed awe not only of the sight but also of the pilots skills. “Frankly, I was amazed. I could hardly believe what was happening. It was a bit surreal watching a passenger jet land on the Hudson River. It landed On the river, not IN the river”, stated NYPD Sergeant Donald McDuffy of Emergency Services Unit (ESU) Truck One as it raced towards the lower west side of Manhattan during the plane’s decent.

As the marine rescue efforts unfolded, lead by FDNY, NYPD and the US Coast Guard, all involved as well as the plane’s survivors expressed extreme gratitude towards captain Sullenberger and the Flight Crew. Jimmy Joe Warren of Hickory, North Carolina said, “All the passengers responded calmly once we touched the water. Of course their was some hysteria when the left engine exploded in flames, some passengers were weeping, praying and otherwise going berserk. That all ended when everyone realized we were OK.”

US Airways 1549 moments after landing safely on the Hudson River.

Due to the “textbook” perfect water landing the Airbus A320, the aircraft became a water craft. The plane maintained buoyancy primarily because the fuselage was uncompromised. Sully was able to keep the nose of the jet raised while the tail made initial contact with the river. Sully had not lowered the landing gear which prevented the plane from skidding one way or the other. Had the plane hit on an angle as opposed to straight on, the plane could very easily have sank upon landing. “If a wing had cut into the surface on landing, that jet could have fishtailed violently or the plane could have starting to sink rapidly” noted FDNY Captain Angelo Sciniscallchi who maneuvered his vessel, FDNY’s Marine One fireboat upriver towards the floating jet. He continued, “ I have witnessed hundreds of acts of grace under pressure in my 27 year career with FDNY, and I count this pilot’s actions among them. He literally saved their lives. God bless him.”

Editors note: Due to the strong relationships The Brooding Cynyx enjoy with FDNY and NYPD, we will be able to provide our readers with some additional in-depth coverage of the rescue efforts by some of those who participated. We give our utmost respect and thanks all our brothers and sisters, MOS, of those fine Departments. They are simply “The Best in the World” at what they do everyday.

Related links (from local sources):,0,7020565.story

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009



Just the man we need with a “bully pulpit.”

Sixth in a series examining the Obama Administration’s personnel

(Jan. 12, Rockville, MD) To further increase the diversity of his already adequately diversified Administration, Barak Obama’s transition Team has leaked the word that the president-elect might name CNN “journalist’ Dr. Sanjay Gupta as the next Surgeon general. While there is no dispute regarding Dr. Gupta’s intelligence, skills as a Neurosurgeon and Professor at Emory University , this choice is dubious nonetheless. Gupta has no Public Health experience in the sense it applies to the post of US Surgeon General. Usually the SG is a member of the military and the US Public Health Service.

Obama supporters argue that the Surgeon general’s position is to function largely as a “spokesman” from the “bully pulpit” that comes with the office. They say, “Who better to be Surgeon General than a telegenic physician, a well known face of medical / wellness reporting on CNN, CBS and as a columnist at Time Magazine, than Dr. Gupta?” Following that logic why not appoint Wolf Blizter as Secretary of Defense, Rick Sanchez as Hispanic in Chief or Soledad O’Brien as Secretary of the EPA?

Gupta did serve as a White House Fellow in the Clinton Administration as an aide to Hillary Clinton, writing speeches for her and consulting with her on health and medical policy. That experience certainly bolsters his resume’ to be SG, right?

This is yet another among many boneheaded, short sighted, appointments of grossly unqualified people to high ranking positions; positions they have absolutely no business being in other than punching some diversity-inclusion-cronyistic, ticket: the ticket that seem to drive ALL of Obama’s picks thus far.

The face-lifted, teeth-bleached, empty cranial cavity types at Entertainment Tonight, People Magazine, Celebrity Daily, Teenie Bopper Magazine and Access Hollywood have all thrown their support behind Dr. Gupta. These should be sufficient endorsements for him to be confirmed as the next SG? Of course, why not? We have become a culture of celebrity, collectively smitten by ANYONE of TV. Have the Obama team actually considered the fact that the new President will have a golden opportunity to empower the next SG and aggressively address some of the most glaring Public health issues of the day? Nope, it’s all personality over principle.


The cancer surviving, mono-testicled, cyclist Lance Armstrong, Animal Planet pigeon-brained, goof ball, Jeff Corwin, Hollywood illiterate stud, Matthew Mcconaughey with likely Surgeon General, Smilin’ Sanjay.

The current President, George “Waste Product” Bush commented to Bill O’Reilly saying, “This Dr. Gumbo seems like a pretty smart fella’ always talkin’ about health and medicine type things like mumps, nervous breakdowns, female crouch ailments, going bald...Dick pays attention to that sorta thing. He’s also a good looking guy. Laura and my twins have his picture plastered all over the place, they...ah..lust him...and..ah...I suppose, maybe, Dick Cheney does too. But, my biggest most concern is; where will he find the time to do all the surgery’s on all the Generals who have gotten shot up, landminded or ...ah... otherwise injured in Iraq and Afghanistan? I know how...^^burp^^... difficult dealing with Public Health can be. That’s why I ignored it for the entire 8 years of my Presidency. and Dick had bigger fish to fry with spreading democracy all over the place and savagely treating savage evil-doers who savaged us and want to savage us again. But, Dr. Goulash kinda’ looks like em’. Maybe they will fear him or misunderestimate his biological weapons know-how.”

From (R) to (L): Potential Surgeon General Gupta, likely Assistant SG for Junk Science, Anderson"Gay eight ball"Cooper, and probable Deputy Assistant SG
for Human-Animal Inter-breeding,Jeff Corwin.

Where’s C. Everett Koop when you need him the most?





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Monday, January 12, 2009




Joe Wurzelbacher haggles with an Israeli police officer while buying scrap metal.

(Jan. 12, Sderot, Israel & Washington, DC) As our lamest of lame duck president’s was giving his most holding his most bizarre press conference to date, on the other side of the world one of our biggest national embarrassments was doing more to further erode our International reputation. While George W. Bush was angrily, delusionally and idiotically insisting that our standing in the world is still powerful, our “national reputation” not in the least tarnished, and sputtering his unique brand of incoherent thought, Joe the Plumber was in Israel acting as a “reporter” for some conservative, wing nut “media outlet.” Unbelievably, some dolt in America actually paid to send the bald, mouth-breathing. knuckle-dragging, chronically deranged, McCain poster boy, into the violent flare up between the ruthless, overpowering Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) and the ragtag militiamen of Hamas.

Perhaps this split screen image best captured the insanity of the last eight years. In that short period of time, Boy George managed to destroy what had taken this nation and it’s people to build over the course of the past 235 years. Dick Cheney’s imbecilic sidekick helped Dick shred huge portions of our Constitution, shit all over decades of military doctrine, actually BEGIN a war of their own design, run the national debt and deficit to unfathomable proportions, while presiding over the years that brought us the highest prices for gas, food, and other necessities such as health insurance and medical care at the same time as setting the stage perfectly thereby allowing the financial collapse that has nitro-fueled not only the recession we face at home but that which has infected the global economy like a small pox-like virus.

As if the world needed any further proof of the depths we have descended to with evil, heartless, ignorant, arrogant, war criminal Cheney at the helm with uncurious, Messianic, frat boy, George Walker sitting happily on his knee, they now witness Joe Wurzelbacher on vacation, still dodging child support and responsibility, waiting to become a licensed plumber, playing “journalist” amid the carnage of one of the most vicious, intractable, mismatched, long standing conflicts on the globe.

As the Zionist regime continues to accurately imitate the tactics of Nazi Germany with the stepped up mass murder and genocide of the long suffering Palestinian People, one the most buffoonish characters in our long history as a Country is permitted to provide more fodder for the raging fires already angrily and rightfully, opposing America’s unilateral, biased support for Israel.

Just when the majority of American’s had thought they had finally seen the last of this cartoon lunatic, Joe the Plumber, suddenly there he is, in Israel, actually trying to interview people as the brain dead press corps follows him around much like dogs in a cow pasture eating manure. If this was not so outrageous, outlandish and twisted, it WOULD be funny. However, this is REALITY and good Lord, what does it say about us - Americans, and America in the waning days of the most disastrous Presidency in our 234 year history as a Nation? We might as well round up some homeless heroin addicts from the Bowery to visit and dine with the Pope in the Vatican.

An Asshole in The Un-Holy Land

From the moment his plane touched the tarmac at Ben Gurion Airport outside Tel Aviv on Friday, this moronic publicity stunt has not gone according to plan, to say the least. Upon exiting the plane, Joe the Gomp stumbled down the jet way and landed hard on the tarmac. As he slammed to a stop in the terminal, it was obvious how Joe had spent the majority of his time while en route. He was stupendously intoxicated and had lost urinary and bowel continence somewhere mid-flight Shakily, he managed to get to his feet and was greeted by several Hasidic Rabbis . Joe kissed them on their cheeks, shook hands and wanted to hi-five them. One needed emergency medical assistance after getting a blast of Joe’s breath in his face. Joe Schmoe pulled a cheap pint of gin from his pocket that had miraculously survived his painful tumble and abrupt landing and began to gulp it down. After an episode of rib breaking flatulence, Joe was overcome by a hard core bout of the hiccups which finally ended in a slobbering blast of burps and belches. He looked at the Rabbi’s and shouted to the media present, “Why are these Amish dudes here? What do they know about war or whores? They don’t even believe in pipes or plumbing, dumb bastards. Thankfully the Rabbis spoke no English and took Joe’s blatherings as compliments.

Joe then faced the “press” that encircled him like a gangrenous foreskin. With in a brief time he was ranting and raving incoherently and shot a a massive nuclear propelled rope of vomit into an Israeli reporter’s face. Tel Aviv Police and the small band of Skinheads traveling with him quickly averted the fight that was brewing.

After arriving in the small Israeli town of Sderot, very close to the Wall separating Occupied Palestine from Israel, Joe forgot that he was there as a “reporter” and instead, began to argue with the large crowd of highly intelligent Jews that had come to pay homage to him. Once again the Skinheads protected him from what would have been a savage beating. One Israeli Jew was overheard saying, “Oy Vey! I hope one of those Hamas mortars finds it’s way up the ass of this grotesque putz. Maybe would should just put a Star of David tee shirt on him and drop him on the Palestinians.”

Once the Hamas leadership received word that this ugly American was in Israel, they stepped up their attacks into Sderot raining a barrage of Katusha rockets, shoulder- fired missiles, and stones covered in dung into Israel. Naturally, the IDF responded characteristically by carpet bombing inside Gaza killing hundreds of innocent, starving, brutalized Palestinian men, women and children.

As Joe watched this mind-numbing exchange an the river of blood that flowed from Gaza into Israel, he became extremely excited, began howling and barking and smashed a piece of scrap iron into the head of a by-standing rabbi. Again the Skinheads prevented a full fledged riot from breaking out by giving Joe another bottle of cheap booze and placating the angry Israelis with free servings of borsht, carp and Manishevitz.

Finally the mayor of Sderot, Hyman Saul Rothblatt, intervened and demanded the Skinheads immediately remove Joe from the scene and get him to his hotel or the mayor could no longer insure his safety.

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Sunday, January 11, 2009


Obama’s Middle East "Team"
From Right to left: Rabbis Ira Putzman, Schlomoe Lipshitz, Ariel Viewstein,
Moshe Aaron Gasinovichwitz, and Ima Zionistberg.

(Jan. 11, New York, New York) President-elect Barak Obama issued several vague answers to questions pertaining to the current flare up of hostilities between the Israeli military and the innocent citizens in what is known as the Gaza Strip in occupied Palestine. He spouted the usual rhetoric tat has defined the United States foreign policy regarding over the past 60 years: talk negotiations and peace while staunchly backing Israel in every and any way possible.

On the ABC Sunday morning political talk show, This Week, Obama said, "When you see civilians, whether Palestinian or Israeli, harmed, under hardship, it's heartbreaking. And obviously what that does is it makes me much more determined to try to break a deadlock that has gone on for decades now." He then added, “what I am doing right now is putting together the team so that on January 20, starting on day one, we have the best possible people who are going to be immediately engaged in the Middle East peace process as a whole, that are going to be engaging with all of the actors there, that will work to create a strategic approach that ensures that both Israelis and Palestinians can meet their aspirations."

Later today at the Mayer Kahane Center for Peace Through Violence in Brighton Beach Brooklyn, the core members of the Obama team were introduced to a select number of the national media. All the hand picked members of this team just so happen to be Hasidic Jewish Rabbi’s with no foreign policy experience. This is in keeping with the Obama philosophy of filling his administration with some truly bizarre people, many with absolutely no knowledge, background or expertise for the jobs they are about to assume pending Senate confirmation.

Obama defended the choice of the Hasidic Jews stating, “These men are good men. They are good Jews. I have called upon them to help me in the Middle East, to assist me as I work towards peace and also so I would have some hard core Zionists openly serving in my Administration. That is the least I can do considering all the donations I received from the Jewish community during my election campaign. Given our long standing policy towards Israel, these five rabbis will be honest brokers who know the real root of the problem in the Mid East.”

Many in and out of the government as well as pundits delivered brutally harsh criticism towards Obama and his “team”, while many others applauded his bold choices. Harvard Law professor and professional Jew, Alan Dershowitz commented, “The only way the Jews will ever live in safety and security is to have tough Jews involved in the peace process. I happen to personally know each of these Rabbis and I can tell you, they won’t take any shit from anybody.”

Supporters of the captive Palestinian People world wide condemned Obama’s picks. Dr. Ahmed Nimrod of the University of Cairo labeled them as “Biased, bigoted, Zionist zealots” who seek to annihilate the Palestinian People from the face of the earth. We expect nothing less from any united States president but, sadly, we thought Obama might be somewhat less narrow minded and blindly stupid then his predecessors. How wrong we were.”

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