Monday, January 12, 2009




Joe Wurzelbacher haggles with an Israeli police officer while buying scrap metal.

(Jan. 12, Sderot, Israel & Washington, DC) As our lamest of lame duck president’s was giving his most holding his most bizarre press conference to date, on the other side of the world one of our biggest national embarrassments was doing more to further erode our International reputation. While George W. Bush was angrily, delusionally and idiotically insisting that our standing in the world is still powerful, our “national reputation” not in the least tarnished, and sputtering his unique brand of incoherent thought, Joe the Plumber was in Israel acting as a “reporter” for some conservative, wing nut “media outlet.” Unbelievably, some dolt in America actually paid to send the bald, mouth-breathing. knuckle-dragging, chronically deranged, McCain poster boy, into the violent flare up between the ruthless, overpowering Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) and the ragtag militiamen of Hamas.

Perhaps this split screen image best captured the insanity of the last eight years. In that short period of time, Boy George managed to destroy what had taken this nation and it’s people to build over the course of the past 235 years. Dick Cheney’s imbecilic sidekick helped Dick shred huge portions of our Constitution, shit all over decades of military doctrine, actually BEGIN a war of their own design, run the national debt and deficit to unfathomable proportions, while presiding over the years that brought us the highest prices for gas, food, and other necessities such as health insurance and medical care at the same time as setting the stage perfectly thereby allowing the financial collapse that has nitro-fueled not only the recession we face at home but that which has infected the global economy like a small pox-like virus.

As if the world needed any further proof of the depths we have descended to with evil, heartless, ignorant, arrogant, war criminal Cheney at the helm with uncurious, Messianic, frat boy, George Walker sitting happily on his knee, they now witness Joe Wurzelbacher on vacation, still dodging child support and responsibility, waiting to become a licensed plumber, playing “journalist” amid the carnage of one of the most vicious, intractable, mismatched, long standing conflicts on the globe.

As the Zionist regime continues to accurately imitate the tactics of Nazi Germany with the stepped up mass murder and genocide of the long suffering Palestinian People, one the most buffoonish characters in our long history as a Country is permitted to provide more fodder for the raging fires already angrily and rightfully, opposing America’s unilateral, biased support for Israel.

Just when the majority of American’s had thought they had finally seen the last of this cartoon lunatic, Joe the Plumber, suddenly there he is, in Israel, actually trying to interview people as the brain dead press corps follows him around much like dogs in a cow pasture eating manure. If this was not so outrageous, outlandish and twisted, it WOULD be funny. However, this is REALITY and good Lord, what does it say about us - Americans, and America in the waning days of the most disastrous Presidency in our 234 year history as a Nation? We might as well round up some homeless heroin addicts from the Bowery to visit and dine with the Pope in the Vatican.

An Asshole in The Un-Holy Land

From the moment his plane touched the tarmac at Ben Gurion Airport outside Tel Aviv on Friday, this moronic publicity stunt has not gone according to plan, to say the least. Upon exiting the plane, Joe the Gomp stumbled down the jet way and landed hard on the tarmac. As he slammed to a stop in the terminal, it was obvious how Joe had spent the majority of his time while en route. He was stupendously intoxicated and had lost urinary and bowel continence somewhere mid-flight Shakily, he managed to get to his feet and was greeted by several Hasidic Rabbis . Joe kissed them on their cheeks, shook hands and wanted to hi-five them. One needed emergency medical assistance after getting a blast of Joe’s breath in his face. Joe Schmoe pulled a cheap pint of gin from his pocket that had miraculously survived his painful tumble and abrupt landing and began to gulp it down. After an episode of rib breaking flatulence, Joe was overcome by a hard core bout of the hiccups which finally ended in a slobbering blast of burps and belches. He looked at the Rabbi’s and shouted to the media present, “Why are these Amish dudes here? What do they know about war or whores? They don’t even believe in pipes or plumbing, dumb bastards. Thankfully the Rabbis spoke no English and took Joe’s blatherings as compliments.

Joe then faced the “press” that encircled him like a gangrenous foreskin. With in a brief time he was ranting and raving incoherently and shot a a massive nuclear propelled rope of vomit into an Israeli reporter’s face. Tel Aviv Police and the small band of Skinheads traveling with him quickly averted the fight that was brewing.

After arriving in the small Israeli town of Sderot, very close to the Wall separating Occupied Palestine from Israel, Joe forgot that he was there as a “reporter” and instead, began to argue with the large crowd of highly intelligent Jews that had come to pay homage to him. Once again the Skinheads protected him from what would have been a savage beating. One Israeli Jew was overheard saying, “Oy Vey! I hope one of those Hamas mortars finds it’s way up the ass of this grotesque putz. Maybe would should just put a Star of David tee shirt on him and drop him on the Palestinians.”

Once the Hamas leadership received word that this ugly American was in Israel, they stepped up their attacks into Sderot raining a barrage of Katusha rockets, shoulder- fired missiles, and stones covered in dung into Israel. Naturally, the IDF responded characteristically by carpet bombing inside Gaza killing hundreds of innocent, starving, brutalized Palestinian men, women and children.

As Joe watched this mind-numbing exchange an the river of blood that flowed from Gaza into Israel, he became extremely excited, began howling and barking and smashed a piece of scrap iron into the head of a by-standing rabbi. Again the Skinheads prevented a full fledged riot from breaking out by giving Joe another bottle of cheap booze and placating the angry Israelis with free servings of borsht, carp and Manishevitz.

Finally the mayor of Sderot, Hyman Saul Rothblatt, intervened and demanded the Skinheads immediately remove Joe from the scene and get him to his hotel or the mayor could no longer insure his safety.

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