Saturday, January 10, 2009



Ex-NY Giant sent to assist Trail Blazer Senate appointee.


(Jan.10, Andrews Air Force Base, Maryland) The night before his former team was to square off against the Philadelphia Eagles in a crucial play off match up, their former All Pro receiver Plaxico Burress was seated comfortably on an unmarked military aircraft. Across the aisle from him was his personal role model and fellow Obama Special Advisor, Iron Mike “it was consensual sex” Tyson. Burress invited Tyson to go with him. These two close Obama advisors constitute the “Black Ops” team in the new Administration. Tonight they were heading for an undisclosed location in suburban Chicago. Their mission was to “assist” Illinois Senator-in-waiting, Roland Burris in his fight to be seated in the Senate.

(This reporter was granted permission by both men to accompany them on this particular mission and consented to be interviewed while en route. Both Burress and Tyson owe a favor to the TBC.)

As the small jet sliced through the night sky illuminated by a full moon, they spoke about the mission and briefly about their roles in the close knit circle of Obama confidantes and exactly what sort of “services” they may render.

Burress had his long legs stretched out and was drinking a Shirley Temple. He said in a low voice, “Mike and me are going to see Roland Burress. The top brotha in the land, Barak Obama, sent us to ...ah...ya’ know...ah, help him in any way he needs helpin’. Know what I’m sayin’” He continued, “This whole thing with that Senate full of fools and crackers is some for real bullshit. Man, they just can’t keep the brotha out the Senate because he was appointed by a dirty politician. I means, you can’t find a Senator who hasn’t bribed and bought their way into that do-nothing job. Barak told me if I gots to open up a can of whup ass then go do it. She-it, I might needs to open up a six pack of whup ass.” Burress was reluctant to comment further and added only that “Me and Iron Mike gonna be makin a bunch a stops on this mission, ya’ know what I’m sayin’. We probably gonna have to visit that dumb assed old goat, Harry Reid and teach his boney, senile ass a lesson or two. I know Mike wants to slap Nancy Pelosi around and wouldn’t mind beating the piss outta the rest of the Congress too.”

As the flight neared Chicagoland, Tyson stopped playing with his X-box, watching triple X hardcore porno dvd’s and drinking cheap gin. He stated clearly that “I heres to serve President Botox any damned way he needs me or any damned way I wants to. If I gots to break a few bones and faces as I do my thing...well..I just say I’m a patriot doin’ good for the first black President. I’m used to beating the living shit outta dudes and gettin’ paid for it. At least with this job, ain’t nuthin’ gonna change” As the jet was landing he added, “Ain’t NUTHIN’ gonna stop brotha Roland from being in the cinema...ah...Senate.”


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