Wednesday, April 2, 2008



A TBC Exclusive

(April 2, Pittsburgh, PA) Just 20 hours after her shocking announcement that Hillary Clinton has asked Idaho Republican Senator, Larry Craig, to be her running mate; the ripple effect is already altering the dynamics of this tightly contested race. While the shear shock value has not begun to wear off for many of the party faithful, some key members of the Democratic Party, the DNC and others are feeling confident that her VP choice will definitely prove to be a big advantage.

DNC Chairman, Howard Dean, tried to maintain a non-committal stance when questioned about the value of having a gay republican Senator on a ticket with Mrs. Clinton. Dean told reporters, “I’m delighted that Senator Clinton has made her choice so early. It demonstrates a distinct sense of urgency on her part to present her message to the American public during these last primaries. I also think it proves that the Democratic Party is truly a Big Tent where everyone is welcome.”

The most enthusiastic support for the VP candidacy of Larry Craig, have been the dozens of national and local gay-lesbian-transgender-transsexual-bisexual advocacy groups firmly rooted in the Democratic Party. Toni Vahginia, President of Southern Dykes For Hillary, headquartered in Key West, Florida said, “This is a great day to be American, a lesbian, a sexual ambiguous or confused person. I would like to kiss Hillary right on the lips. This is truly historic.” Virtually every advocacy group associated with gay and lesbian rights have issued similarly supportive statements.

There are some in the Democratic Party who have yet to determine if Craig will help or hurt Clinton as the primary season enters the crucial final phase. Democratic strategist, Bob Schrumm, who has managed more loosing campaigns than any other political consultant in history, clearly demonstrated his political insight by commenting, “It could hurt her, it could help her. Craig might be an asset, he might be a liability.”

Former Democratic presidential hopeful, John Edwards, who has yet to endorse a candidate since dropping out of the race in February said, “Larry Craig has a wide stance on many important issues. He knows how Washington works, behind the scenes. He is very familiar with operating in the shadows to achieve results. I lost a little respect for him after that men’s room arrest. He could have done much better than an airport men’s room.”

One immediate benefit that the Clinton campaign has already seen has been the increased financial donations especially from celebrities. Rosie O’Donnell, the obese, lesbian, slovenly, imbecile of daytime TV semi-fame has pledged to give half her donut and Doritos budget to the Clinton camp. Jim Nabors said he will hold a special fund raising concert where Elton John, Boy George and the Village People will perform. Liza Minnelli has offered to pose nude for Playboy and give the proceeds to Hillary but Playboy said they would cease publication before allowing her to appear nude or clothed.

Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson have announced they will host a fund raiser for Hillary at the Drag Queen Palace in Ventura, California next week. Howard Wolfson, the spokesman for the Clinton campaign said, “We truly appreciate all the support we are seeing suddenly. Had we known putting a gay, conservative, white man fond of illicit sex in public places on our ticket would be such a boost, we would have done so long ago.” Another top ranking Clinton campaign operative, Harold Ickes told reporters that “I firmly believe many of the delegates and super delegates are gay. Many of them believe I am gay. My wife believes that too. Perception, not truth, attracts money and right now, we need all the money we can get. Larry Craig will attract an entirely different element to the party. He’s living proof that behind every right-wing, ultra-conservative zealot wearing a dark suit may exist a real, sincere, liberal homosexual just waiting to be free. We look forward to now receiving endorsements from Mark Foley, Sean Hannity, and Bill O’Reilly.”

Mrs. Clinton is expected to make her first public appearance at Downtown Charlie’s in New York City’s Greenwich Village at a date and time to be announced. The Gay Men’s Health Crisis, an AIDS advocacy group is planning a “Leather and Lace Gala” for next weekend and rumors are beginning to circulate that Clinton and Craig will make their appearance at that event. One insider revealed, “I’ve heard that Hillary would be done up all in black leather, while Craig will be dressed, as a cowboy, in beautiful lace. I, for one, cannot wait to see them.”

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