Friday, April 18, 2008


Politics + Media = CRAP

(April 17, Meuhlenburg, PA) Dropped somewhere in the last few decades from our common lexicon, the word crap, is sorely missed. In an effort to resurrect this fine, descriptive adjective, perhaps it is fitting to site some examples of crap.

Crap, or the South Bronx, upper-crusted variant, ‘crapola’, essentially is used to describe people, places and / or things as garbage, useless, without substance, half-assed, shoddy, insignificant and cheap. It appears that shit has replaced crap as the preferred term broadly utilized.

While shit remains unacceptable in certain settings and is a fine word in and of itself, crap, may be seen as arcane, archaic and antiquated, yet has a certain ring to it that , if properly used, feels good to say. Crap.

Today we are surrounded by crap; crap, literally, threatens our collective and individual sanity. Most of what has come to pass for and represent our society and culture is crap. This fact becomes abundantly clear if one is to consider our current political situation. From the maniacal, imbecile inhabiting the White House, to the clowns seeking to replace him, every aspect, of our political - governmental - legislative - bueracratic machinery is absolute crap. Yes, it remains superior to most other nations ruling apparatus but, it is all crap. We deserve better than crap. Clearly the inspired, brave men who wrote our Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Constitution, did not anticipate their ideals, ideas and virtuous efforts would one day devolve into crap.

Crap, crap, crap. That feels good. Try it; just say it a few times. If some external stimulus is needed to invoke saying crap out loud, perhaps some of the following may do the trick.

Turn on your TV. If you have cable TV, tune in to any cable news program. It is all crap. But, some crap distinguishes itself , actually bobs to the surface of the ocean of crap we are awash in. Generally speaking, any program aired on MSNBC, FOX News, CNN - alleged “news” outlets - are all absolutely premier examples of crap.

Sadly, we as a culture and society are trapped in a magnetic-like field, a force comparable to gravity, that is, crap. Our elected officials, talking heads and media personalities are crappy. (Crappy is the colloquial meaning crap-like.)

There was a televised event last night, advertised as a Presidential Candidates Debate that was, fundamentally, one

of the most profound examples of crap broadcast in years. No, this statement is not including all the crap that networks pawn off as entertainment. All that stuff: sit-coms, mini-series, soap operas, game shows, reality programs, obvious crap but, due to it’s benign purpose as a societal barbituant, it is not on the same level as what should be “serious” broadcasting.

It is a shame that crap has become so widely acceptable. It is so ubiquitous, prevalent and pervasive that we seem not to notice it, realize that we are swimming in crap. The truly shameful component of our crap tolerance is that it is exploited at every turn by our government and mass media. Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopolos of ABC News, conducting a nationally broadcast forum with the two remaining Democratic Presidential Candidates?, how could this possibly not be the epitome of crap? Gibson, a barely competent morning talk-crap show host and George Stepincrapalot, a former hack of Mrs. Bill Clinton’s husband, are no more journalists then the buffoons, such as Bill O’ Reilly, on FOX.

Actually, it is interesting to think about where all this crap comes from. Where do the big media outlets find such crappy human beings, crappy, sub-par intellects, such as Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Anderson Cooper, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Novak, Eugene Robinson, the entire staff of The Weekly Standard, Jonah Goldberg, Tucker and Margaret Carlson? This roster could be extended but would require far too much space in this post. That would become, by default, crap. A long list of crappy people would be crap in and of itself but, those named do represent the height of TV ‘news’ crap.

Back in the day, not all that long ago, when crap was a much used word, in addition to it’s aforementioned applications, it was also a synonym for defecating. This, because , what we now refer to as the ‘toilet’ or ‘commode’, was invented by the Englishman John Crapper. (In England, the crapper is also known as the ‘loo’.) Hence, the expression , “Hey, I have to take a crap’’, which, more accurately , should be “Hey, I have to leave a crap.”

Cut the crap, you’re full of crap, what a bunch of crap, look at that crap, jeez, this is pretty crappy, don’t give me any crap, I’ve had enough crap, Philadelphia is one of the crappiest places on earth...just a few phrases illustrating the versatility of the monosyllabic but oh so pleasant to utter, crap. C R A P. Crap is a word, when said, that should be stretched out; elongated beyond its phonetic limits. Ah, Craaaaapppp!
Whose fuckin’ Crrraaapppp is this?

A particularly potent pronunciation of the word crap, is the more adamant, yet a tad more involved vocally, ‘Kay-Wrap”. This is a more formal usage that possesses a degree of emphasis regarding a crappy situation, event, scenario or circumstance, that exceeds just saying crap. No matter how loud it might be barked crap is never as emphatic as “Kay-Wrap”, even when verbalized in a conversational tone, as an aside, or even under one’s breath, so to speak. “Kay-Wrap” can be as sobering and alarming, if said properly and sincerely, as “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

But, let’s not crap all over this brief dissertation about crap. To do so would be crappy and render this very tribute to crap as crap. If anyone finds that statement disagreeable, they should have the crap beaten outta them.

Crap, used as a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, expletive, declarative, modifier, greeting, salutation, pronoun, or term of endearment, is the thinking persons “shit”. Introduce crap to your children, add it to your vocabulary. Crap says a lot, in some cases crap, says it all.

Copyright TBC © 2008 All Rights Reserved

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