Sunday, April 13, 2008


Hillary Tries Her Hand At “Anti-Elitism” At Indiana Gin mill

(April 13, Grantham, PA) The most dangerous beings in the world are those that are cornered. Be they rat, cat, dog, mongoose, snake or politician, once they perceive danger and threat, they automatically, instinctually become other than their nature. Known as the “Fight or Flight” response, it is biologically hardwired into the neural circuits of virtually every creature on the planet. Perhaps, it is no more acutely, viciously displayed than in the case of a politician watching years of hard work, hopes, aspirations, millions of dollars and a lifetime of ass-kissing not pay off.

The most stunning display of a politician’s brain awash in “Fight or Flight” neurochemicals, is Hillary Clinton. Her descent into the abyss of a lost election and certain insanity, witnessed by the American public, has been startling if not actually frightening. As the suffocating pressure of reality continues to exert itself, Mrs. Clinton continues to respond in a manner that raises ever more serious questions about her mental state. With alarming frequency, she has allowed her brain chemistry, raw emotion and venomous anger dominate her words, actions, and behavior.

Last night in a half-assed “restaurant and lounge” which in reality is no more than a seedy roadside tavern with a short-order cook, Mrs. Clinton engaged in a night of drinking that would have rendered Ted Kennedy comatose. After having spent another pathetic day on the campaign trail blathering incoherently in a very critical, nasty tone, about her front-running opponent, Barak Obama, the 60 year old Democratic Senator appeared in need of relaxation if not intoxication. She was able to achieve stupification.

The candidate and her hapless campaign team had spent the previous 24 hours attempting to convince voters that Senator Obama is an “elitist’. She levied this outrageous charge after comments made by Mr. Obama last weekend at a fundraiser in Marin County, California became public. At that event, Mr. Obama stated that many of the voters living in small towns “cling to guns and religion” and are “bitter” that economic hardships have infiltrated their lives. He also noted that, perhaps, some of such voters “anti-immigration” sentiments are also a product of being “bitter”.

Oddly, the fact that Hillary Clinton was accusing Obama of being an ‘elitist’ seemed even more outlandish given that just earlier last week the income of her and her husband was publicly reported to be $108 million over the last seven years. Since the comments made by Senator Obama have been made public, Clinton and the presumptive GOP candidate, Senator John McCain, have used Obama’s own words against him but, to little or no effect. Current polling data strongly suggests that the ludicrous assertions used to attack Mr. Obama have been pitifully ineffective. “This is all they have. This is all they can do. Senator Obama is close to winning the Democratic nomination and the Clinton campaign can do nothing but spew out more and more lies. Talk about sniper fire! It is sad, in a way, to have to witness the mental breakdown of a sitting United States Senator and a former US President”, commented Marc Axelrod a top Obama advisor.

In her futile attempt to portray herself as “anti-elitist’, she decided to spend the night here at Bronko’s bar. Determined to impress the mostly obese patrons of this dilapidated roadhouse, she began to match them shot for shot and beer for beer. One of her close advisors who remained sober throughout the long, rowdy night, speaking anonymously to the press said, “ She has to appeal to the anti-elite, unemployed, church-going, gun-toting, boilermaker-drinking, white, male, bowlers. The exact demographic so grossly on display here tonight. Look around, these guys she’s drinking with, would rather have leprosy and surgical castration before they’d ever vote for a black man. She knows it, we know it, they know it and now, you know it”.

As is often the case in such settings, the night got off to a very cordial, polite beginning. Mrs. Clinton insisted on starting a tab and was drinking like a freshman frat boy during rush week. As the hours went by and gallons of cheap, tepid beer continued to chase shots of whiskey, some of those present grew somewhat rude, even belligerent if not openly hostile towards Mrs. Clinton. Several of the patrons began to tell her to “Shut the fuck up”. Some of the more centrist drinkers repeatedly requested that Hillary “Jump up on the bar, shake your ass and show us your boobies”.

The former First Lady politely demurred from those requests but, not wanting to alienate any voters, she suggested they all participate in drinking games and a belching contest. Mrs. Clinton easily won all the drinking games and fought a tough battle with a local, unemployed manure tank cleaner, Sheldon “Slug” Borchstenslammer, to capture the belching contest.

While the crowd cheered on her belching victory, Mrs. Clinton defiantly, loudly and repetitively broke wind. It seemed as if the fact that Hillary was producing more flatulence than a herd of fat heifers, gave the others present permission to do the same.

Soon, Bronko’s resembled the campfire scene in ‘Blazing Saddles’ both audibly and aromatically. Shortly, several fist fights broke out and the crowd became restless. Quickly, Mrs. Clinton’s Secret Service detail moved to extricate her from the growing violence and chaos but she resisted. She was seen smacking one Secret Service agent in the head with a pitcher of beer and choked another with his own neck tie.

Federal, state and local law enforcement personnel responded to the scene. It took them several hours, numerous canisters of tear gas, attack dogs and excessive force to disperse the crowd.

Mrs. Clinton will appear here tonight in Grantham, on the campus of Messiah College, where she will participate with her opponent, Barak Obama, in the Compassion Forum. "The Compassion Forum will give the candidates a chance to talk straight to voters about what they'll do as president to fulfill God's command that we be our brothers' keepers," said Governor Mike Huckabee, a supporter of the event. "I'm proud that the faith community is taking the lead in asking the candidates to confront the most pressing moral challenges of our times."

Some close advisors have quietly expressed concern about Mrs. Clinton’s ability to be articulate at tonight's Forum after a night of such heavy drinking. One of her oldest friends, speaking not for attribution commented, “She’ll be just fine. Hillary is no stranger to drinking. She will be on time, on message and on alot of drugs. She will certainly wear an extra adult diaper, drink a can or two more of Ensure than usual, and do just brilliantly”.

Others, including Hillary’s husband, Bill Clinton, are not as confident. It was only days ago that Mr. Clinton told a crowd in Boonville, Indiana some of the details of his wife’s long list of physical and mental disorders. “This has been tough on her. She’s deteriorating daily. At 3 o’clock in the morning, she can’t even find the phone let alone speak. So what, so she had a few belts last night. What’s the big deal? I’m more worried about her exhaustion, gas and rickets. Hail, she’s used to drinking like a warrior. She is a regular gal. She bowls, belches, drinks and still firmly believes in tax breaks for the middle class, the war in Iraq and that somebody tried to shoot her in Bosnia in 1995. She’s the only one in this race with those kind of qualifications,” vigorously stated mr. Clinton in defense of his wife. ‘You just watch. She’ll be able to hold it together for as long as this Forum takes. After that, that’s none of your business”.

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