SEVERS HEAD OF GOP SERPENT
(Nov. 4, USA) We elected a new President today and in the process may have exorcised demons – some who have plagued our history for centuries – others significantly younger but no less destructive and divisive. Perhaps the Electoral College drubbing of Republican John McCain and the modest but meaningful Democratic gains in Congress, do signify a collective maturity beyond the obvious. Beyond the majority casting their votes for “The First Black President”, the demographic, regional and socioeconomic composition of that majority apparently said “Barak Obama is our choice for President and, he happens to be a Black Man.” There is no denying race played a role during the long campaign but it did not define it; race was overshadowed by the profound problems facing us at home and abroad.
Circumstances, the dire state of affairs brought about by eight years of horrid Republican rule, including two ongoing wars, the host of economic ills crushing many of us and our diminished standing in the world, all helped set the stage for this Democratic victory, a victory Barak Obama encouraged us all to believe was possible. This 46 year old freshman Senator was absolutely in the right place at the right time and George W. Bush was the stage director. The disgust with the Bush administration and the GOP lead Congressional gridlock was sufficient impetus for the message of change, real change, to resonate above the muck, mire, and atrocious tactics of what we have accepted for far too long: “politics as usual”.
Obama defeated the entrenched partisan politics within his own Party before his victory coast to coast tonight. If the pendulum has swung, as many postulate, of its own cyclical accord, they are blind to or petulantly denying the facts. We the people of every political stripe gradually awoke over the past eight years to find ourselves in a country barely recognizable. we bore silent witness as brick by brick Bush / Cheney methodically disassembled that which was over 228 years in the making. At every opportunity they seized the moment to advance their own distorted world view in blatant disregard, actually with utter disdain, of the majority. The awaken was slow initially but, as more and more of our Constitution was shredded, as more and more of our national treasure in lives and money was wasted in a war of choice while the real war was largely abandoned, the awakening spread. One epic failure after another, one arrogant lie on top of the last, as truths were revealed, those still asleep were decreasing in number.
Into the growing discontent, unease, economic hardships and realization that Bush and Company were not merely wrong, that they were criminally inept, arrogantly dismissive of facts, public sentiment and objective reasoning, Barak Obama stepped up. Chided by members of his own Party for, what they saw as his political precociousness, he was given little chance against the roaring, feared political juggernaut of “The Clinton Machine.” He beat them. He prevailed over their hubristic sense of entitlement to the Office of the President, as much as the voters were increasingly beginning to hunger for real change. Our citizenry was waking up to the fact that an able leader was desperately needed to begin the arduous tasks of setting right all that had gone so dreadfully wrong under George W. Bush. As time went by, it became ever more irrelevant what the skin color was of the agent of change we knew was needed.
This election was more about our hunger for change and direction than it was about ideology. Certainly it was a resounding repudiation of Boy George and his cast of messianic zealots, but also validation that what worked in the past was no longer acceptable. Times were too tough, the challenges too great to simply retreat to our partisan islands and approach the choosing of our next President as a sporting event, an exercise in who throws mud more accurately, which side can shout, intimidate, bully and appeal to the basest of instincts in a dirty, nasty slog to achieve the highest office in our land. Perhaps finally, we began to think, all of that could come to an end; we would not be fooled again.
The best man for these times was victorious tonight. The fact that he is a black man is historically profound in so many ways however, that is not the totality of the message sent by over 52% of those who voted. The politics and politicians, the policies and ideologies that we had become so familiar with, so jaded by, had gotten us collectively into this mess. We could no longer afford red state - blue state cynicism, middle class apathy; the rabid scorn of “the other side”. We were all hurting one way or another, some more than others, and finally realized the collective “we” had been forgotten, neglected and ignored by those in power. Pro life hard core Republicans were paying as much for health care, groceries, gasoline and college tuition as left wing - tree hugging - pro choice Democrats. The sleeping giant, the vast segment of us self identified as independent, middle of the roaders, were at last engaged and ready to stop leaning left or right; stand up straight, ready to vote for right over wrong, for forging forward rather than stumbling backwards.. The voice all were awakening to was that of Barak Obama.
Tonight's victory for Obama does not mark “then” from “now”. It does not automatically connote racial healing, national absolution for the sins of the past nor does it represent the emergence of a “new coalition”. This historic victory may be tinged by some wisp of those elements but its greatest weight is in the fact that we the people made a decision that we were going to be heard, we would matter again, that things had gone far enough, that the last eight years were to be forever defined by our government’s failures, failures of such scope and scale we can not, from the vantage point of the present, appreciate the full ramifications of those failures.
At least now we will have the chance to see what is possible, what can be accomplished once the shit is power washed off the machinery of our federal government and we have an administration committed more towards the greater good, the high road, the restoration of what America has stood for since its founding. We have been so poorly served that our expectations tomorrow may not be as lofty as our hopes tonight. At least we will get some idea if our choice was wise or foolish, thoughtful or reactive, good or bad in 76 days.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/06/us/politics/06repubs.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
JOE THE PLUMBER WANTED BY POLICE
WURZELBACHER GOES BERSERK
Attacks Obama Look-a-Like At Obama Rally
Ohio plumber seen choking Obama supporter.
(Nov. 2, Cleveland, OH) Just weeks after skyrocketing to international fame Joe Wurzelbacher, the Ohio plumber made famous in the last presidential debate by John McCain, can now add “wanted man” to his many talents. Earlier today during an Obama campaign rally here, the bullet headed unlicensed plumber attacked a man who he initially mistake for Barak Obama himself. According to eye witnesses, Secret Service, Cleveland PD and Ohio State Police reports, the vicious attack took place in a men’s room near the rally site. The victim of the assault identified as Michael T. Barnes, 42 years of age, a cardiac surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic, is currently being treated at an undisclosed hospital. Special Agent Lawrence Sludgeham from the Columbus FBI Office told reporters that “Dr. Barnes received some trauma to his throat and neck regions, several contusions on the back of his head, testicular trauma due to a knee to the groin as well as significant acute emotional distress resulting from the suddenness and brutality of attack.”
According to other men present in the lavatory where the attack occurred, Dr. Barnes was washing his hands at the sink when a “loud, bald, drunk guy” came barging in to the restroom. “This man looked deranged, he looked downright dangerous. He was muttering under his breath about black people, black presidents, Black Velvet, black cats, black lung, black forest cake and, I think, the Black Eyed Peas”, said Ralph Grzenovich from Sandusky. He continued, “The bald drunk suddenly began screaming. He was urinating on the floor. As Dr. Barnes tried to sidestep around him to exit, baldy grabbed him and threw him against the wall. He then shoved his forearm into Barnes’ neck and shouted about the redistribution of wealth, loosing his plumber license, being rebuffed by Sarah Palin and his desire to lick Cindy McCain’s feet. He was really going wild, foaming at the mouth and sweating. I thought he was going to kill that poor guy.”
As other frightened men fled the confrontation in the crapper, Cleveland police officer Stanley Brewshinko ran towards the restroom at the direction of the fleeing, peeing men. “As soon as I opened the door to the men’s room it was like I was hit by a truck. This terribly drunken man just blasted me in the face, pushed me to the ground and kept going. I fired several shots but, apparently, they all missed.”
Other witnesses, who wished to remain anonymous because they “feared” for their safety, said that Joe fled the scene running past and knocking down several police officers and plains clothed agents who tried to tackle him. He was last scene hijacking a Mr. Softee truck and remains at large. His spokesman, Hank Flattus said that Wurzelbacher seemed to be under a great deal of stress since being thrust into the spotlight. “Joe never thought he’d be world famous. Yous gotta remember, just a month or so ago, he was just a low life, dead beat, unemployed plumber who drank himself into a stupor every night. He liked to fish and hunt. He really enjoyed strip clubs and bar fighting. He was just…well…ya know, your ‘Average Joe’. He was especially pissed off last night due to some problems with his country music career. Apparently Joe had contacted Willie Nelson to see if he would be willing to do a remake of his famous song ‘Luchenbach, Texas.’ Joe loves Willie and thought they could cut an album together. Joe said Willie told him to fuck off and never contact him again. Joe slammed the phone down and really just freaked out. He destroyed everything in his house and then went out bowling.”
The Secret Service and other federal, state and local law enforcement authorities have issued a warrant for Wurzelbacher’s arrest. “We remain confident we can collar this mutt before he does bodily harm to any other innocent people particularly, anyone who looks remotely like Barak Obama. We have all his favorite haunts staked out and orders have been given to ‘shoot on sight’. We can’t take any chances with this psycho”, Captain Floyd Flange of the Ohio State Police commented.
For his part, Senator Obama did not learn of the event until he concluded his rally and was being escorted to his next campaign stop. Obama told reporters travelling with him that “The seeds of hatred have been sown by John McCain and Sarah Palin. This is not the kind of politics we need at this time. I knew that Joe the Plumber was a loony when I first met him. Frankly, I sensed he was profoundly disturbed. It seems that John McCain has pushed him over the edge. The fact that he attacked an African American man he mistook for me is a bad sign for the future. If I am elected, and he is captured, I will seek the death penalty.”
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Attacks Obama Look-a-Like At Obama Rally
Ohio plumber seen choking Obama supporter.
(Nov. 2, Cleveland, OH) Just weeks after skyrocketing to international fame Joe Wurzelbacher, the Ohio plumber made famous in the last presidential debate by John McCain, can now add “wanted man” to his many talents. Earlier today during an Obama campaign rally here, the bullet headed unlicensed plumber attacked a man who he initially mistake for Barak Obama himself. According to eye witnesses, Secret Service, Cleveland PD and Ohio State Police reports, the vicious attack took place in a men’s room near the rally site. The victim of the assault identified as Michael T. Barnes, 42 years of age, a cardiac surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic, is currently being treated at an undisclosed hospital. Special Agent Lawrence Sludgeham from the Columbus FBI Office told reporters that “Dr. Barnes received some trauma to his throat and neck regions, several contusions on the back of his head, testicular trauma due to a knee to the groin as well as significant acute emotional distress resulting from the suddenness and brutality of attack.”
According to other men present in the lavatory where the attack occurred, Dr. Barnes was washing his hands at the sink when a “loud, bald, drunk guy” came barging in to the restroom. “This man looked deranged, he looked downright dangerous. He was muttering under his breath about black people, black presidents, Black Velvet, black cats, black lung, black forest cake and, I think, the Black Eyed Peas”, said Ralph Grzenovich from Sandusky. He continued, “The bald drunk suddenly began screaming. He was urinating on the floor. As Dr. Barnes tried to sidestep around him to exit, baldy grabbed him and threw him against the wall. He then shoved his forearm into Barnes’ neck and shouted about the redistribution of wealth, loosing his plumber license, being rebuffed by Sarah Palin and his desire to lick Cindy McCain’s feet. He was really going wild, foaming at the mouth and sweating. I thought he was going to kill that poor guy.”
As other frightened men fled the confrontation in the crapper, Cleveland police officer Stanley Brewshinko ran towards the restroom at the direction of the fleeing, peeing men. “As soon as I opened the door to the men’s room it was like I was hit by a truck. This terribly drunken man just blasted me in the face, pushed me to the ground and kept going. I fired several shots but, apparently, they all missed.”
Other witnesses, who wished to remain anonymous because they “feared” for their safety, said that Joe fled the scene running past and knocking down several police officers and plains clothed agents who tried to tackle him. He was last scene hijacking a Mr. Softee truck and remains at large. His spokesman, Hank Flattus said that Wurzelbacher seemed to be under a great deal of stress since being thrust into the spotlight. “Joe never thought he’d be world famous. Yous gotta remember, just a month or so ago, he was just a low life, dead beat, unemployed plumber who drank himself into a stupor every night. He liked to fish and hunt. He really enjoyed strip clubs and bar fighting. He was just…well…ya know, your ‘Average Joe’. He was especially pissed off last night due to some problems with his country music career. Apparently Joe had contacted Willie Nelson to see if he would be willing to do a remake of his famous song ‘Luchenbach, Texas.’ Joe loves Willie and thought they could cut an album together. Joe said Willie told him to fuck off and never contact him again. Joe slammed the phone down and really just freaked out. He destroyed everything in his house and then went out bowling.”
The Secret Service and other federal, state and local law enforcement authorities have issued a warrant for Wurzelbacher’s arrest. “We remain confident we can collar this mutt before he does bodily harm to any other innocent people particularly, anyone who looks remotely like Barak Obama. We have all his favorite haunts staked out and orders have been given to ‘shoot on sight’. We can’t take any chances with this psycho”, Captain Floyd Flange of the Ohio State Police commented.
For his part, Senator Obama did not learn of the event until he concluded his rally and was being escorted to his next campaign stop. Obama told reporters travelling with him that “The seeds of hatred have been sown by John McCain and Sarah Palin. This is not the kind of politics we need at this time. I knew that Joe the Plumber was a loony when I first met him. Frankly, I sensed he was profoundly disturbed. It seems that John McCain has pushed him over the edge. The fact that he attacked an African American man he mistook for me is a bad sign for the future. If I am elected, and he is captured, I will seek the death penalty.”
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Thursday, October 30, 2008
JOE-MANIA SWEEPS THE NATION
WURZELBACHER STANDS TO REAP MILLIONS
From Obscurity to International Fame In A Flash
The most popular American in the civilized world:
Hero, plumber, dupe, dope and heart throb,
Joe the Plumber.
(Oct.30, Defiance, OH) Not since Elvis “The Pelvis” Presley exploded on the Rock n’ Roll scene; not since the birth control pill ushered in the era of free love; not since Silly Putty, The Frisbee, WWF, or the fry Daddy has there been a phenomenon like “Joe The Plumber”. Joe Wurzelbacher, a barely literate, tax evading, bald headed, unlicensed plumber was thrust into the limelight by happenstance and has captured the imagination of the nation, if not the world, in a matter of a few short weeks. His chance encounter with Barak Obama at a campaign rally near Toledo proved to be the catalyst for Joe’s meteoric blast into celebrityhood.
John McCain yanked this dimwitted, chrome domed, goof ball from anonymity during the last Presidential debate by invoking his name dozens of times as the de facto representative of “every man”, the “common man”, the salt of the earth, family values, hard working, God fearing John Q. Public’s that are the backbone of this nation. Since that fateful night, Joe has become iconic; his every word eaten up by the press and public alike. Joe has almost instantaneously become the most popular American in America. His image is plastered everywhere around the world, respected by billions, held in the highest esteem as the living, breathing symbol of baseball, apple pie, Budweiser and the American dream.
Although he missed a campaign appearance with John McCain here this morning due to a wretched hang over, this larger than life buffoon draws unprecedented adoring crowds numbering into the hundreds of thousands where ever he appears. As McCain introduced Joe the Absent, once he realized the wildly popular superstar was not in attendance, he set the crowd on fire saying “well, Joe, thanks for all you’ve done for America.” Old women were seen fainting, younger women were whipped into a frenzy at the mere mention of his name. Men of all ages placed their hands over their hearts pledging allegiance to The Flag and Joe the Plumber. Some in the crowd were seen weeping; others shrieked. Several teenage girls began to tear their clothes off and speak in tongues. Their adoration for Joe, the desire to be in proximity to that inspiring Unclogger, seemed to be driving some of the fevered throngs to madness. Not since The Beatles arrived in America, the Paris Hilton sex tape hit You Tube, or OJ Simpson led LAPD on a low speed chase after butchering his wife, have the masses of Americans been so captivated by a man. Young and old sacrifice life and limb merely to get the chance to touch him, catch a glimpse of him; some, just to be in his presence and hear with their own hungry ears his words of wisdom, patriotism and utter banality.
Corporations, businesses and manufacturers of all types are desperately pursuing Joe to endorse their products or services. Joe is currently being represented by the publicist who counts such stellar, universally recognized, powerhouse entertainers such as John Sedaca, Leon Redbone, AAron Tippin, Carrot Top and Merle Haggard.
Frank Lee Crass, the world renowned media consultant,who has advised Mega-stars including Hulk Hogan, Fats Domino, Kato Kalin, Senator Larry Craig, Ted Bundy, Al Bundy and Ruth Buzzy, has been retained as a member of Team Plumber. Crass met with reporters this afternoon at the Defiance Moose Lodge. “ Joe Wurzelbacher is already bigger than Michael Jordan, Jeffry Dahmer, Brittany Spears, Bob Novak, Michael Jackson and Madonna combined. His earning potential from endorsements, speaking engagements, his country music career, the book he will right and the vast ocean of opportunity he now sails on, will make him one of the richest, best known men on the planet”, Crass noted. He continued, “I can tell you just a few of the offers already pouring in. some of which Joe already has signed contracts for are: Hormel will launch a new liverwurst called ‘Wurzelwurst’, Oscar Meyer ‘Wurzels’ will be in your grocers spam and scrapple aisle shortly, and 432 ‘Wurzelburger’ outlets will open in all 50 states by Christmas. Bill Gates has agreed to change his company’s name to ‘Wurzelsoft’, Volkswagen will be known as ‘Wurzelwagon’ and the City of Winston-Salem, North Carolina has enacted legislation to change it’s name to ‘Wurzel’-Salem, NC. Folks, this is only the beginning”, a beaming Crass shouted.
Hollywood has also been smitten by the knuckle dragging toilet specialist and is planning several projects featuring Joe. Warner Brothers Studios is working on a remake of the 1970’s detective show “Kojak”, with Joe in the title role. Universal Pictures has already inked a deal to have Joe reprise the role made famous by Arnold Schwartzenegger and plans to release “The Wurzelnator” by next summer.
Random House announced just hours ago that Joe will author a series of children’s books, which may lead to a Nickelodeon series entitled, “Joe the Toe”, which of course will star Wurzelbacher. Wurzelbacher will open on Broadway in the famous role played so brilliantly for decades by Yul Brenner, in a star studded revival of “The King and I” updated to “The Plumber and I”.
The only criticism the overwhelming demonstrations of admiration, adulation and agitation Joe is receiving, has come from the campaign of Barak Obama. Joe Axlerose, chief strategist for Obama said, “ While we appreciate the American public’s inexplicable love affair with Joe the mope, we are concerned that he now has a larger Secret Service protective detail than Senator Obama. The Secret Service has taken agents from Obama’s detail and reassigned them to the Joe detail. We find this troubling. Maybe in the future some deranged or even sane people will seek to assassinate Joe, but for now, it seems that Barak Obama might face a greater threat. Wurzelbacher’s misshapen heads looks bullet proof. I assure you, Obama’s is not nearly as thick.”
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Click on Title for permalink to Politico
From Obscurity to International Fame In A Flash
The most popular American in the civilized world:
Hero, plumber, dupe, dope and heart throb,
Joe the Plumber.
(Oct.30, Defiance, OH) Not since Elvis “The Pelvis” Presley exploded on the Rock n’ Roll scene; not since the birth control pill ushered in the era of free love; not since Silly Putty, The Frisbee, WWF, or the fry Daddy has there been a phenomenon like “Joe The Plumber”. Joe Wurzelbacher, a barely literate, tax evading, bald headed, unlicensed plumber was thrust into the limelight by happenstance and has captured the imagination of the nation, if not the world, in a matter of a few short weeks. His chance encounter with Barak Obama at a campaign rally near Toledo proved to be the catalyst for Joe’s meteoric blast into celebrityhood.
John McCain yanked this dimwitted, chrome domed, goof ball from anonymity during the last Presidential debate by invoking his name dozens of times as the de facto representative of “every man”, the “common man”, the salt of the earth, family values, hard working, God fearing John Q. Public’s that are the backbone of this nation. Since that fateful night, Joe has become iconic; his every word eaten up by the press and public alike. Joe has almost instantaneously become the most popular American in America. His image is plastered everywhere around the world, respected by billions, held in the highest esteem as the living, breathing symbol of baseball, apple pie, Budweiser and the American dream.
Although he missed a campaign appearance with John McCain here this morning due to a wretched hang over, this larger than life buffoon draws unprecedented adoring crowds numbering into the hundreds of thousands where ever he appears. As McCain introduced Joe the Absent, once he realized the wildly popular superstar was not in attendance, he set the crowd on fire saying “well, Joe, thanks for all you’ve done for America.” Old women were seen fainting, younger women were whipped into a frenzy at the mere mention of his name. Men of all ages placed their hands over their hearts pledging allegiance to The Flag and Joe the Plumber. Some in the crowd were seen weeping; others shrieked. Several teenage girls began to tear their clothes off and speak in tongues. Their adoration for Joe, the desire to be in proximity to that inspiring Unclogger, seemed to be driving some of the fevered throngs to madness. Not since The Beatles arrived in America, the Paris Hilton sex tape hit You Tube, or OJ Simpson led LAPD on a low speed chase after butchering his wife, have the masses of Americans been so captivated by a man. Young and old sacrifice life and limb merely to get the chance to touch him, catch a glimpse of him; some, just to be in his presence and hear with their own hungry ears his words of wisdom, patriotism and utter banality.
Corporations, businesses and manufacturers of all types are desperately pursuing Joe to endorse their products or services. Joe is currently being represented by the publicist who counts such stellar, universally recognized, powerhouse entertainers such as John Sedaca, Leon Redbone, AAron Tippin, Carrot Top and Merle Haggard.
Frank Lee Crass, the world renowned media consultant,who has advised Mega-stars including Hulk Hogan, Fats Domino, Kato Kalin, Senator Larry Craig, Ted Bundy, Al Bundy and Ruth Buzzy, has been retained as a member of Team Plumber. Crass met with reporters this afternoon at the Defiance Moose Lodge. “ Joe Wurzelbacher is already bigger than Michael Jordan, Jeffry Dahmer, Brittany Spears, Bob Novak, Michael Jackson and Madonna combined. His earning potential from endorsements, speaking engagements, his country music career, the book he will right and the vast ocean of opportunity he now sails on, will make him one of the richest, best known men on the planet”, Crass noted. He continued, “I can tell you just a few of the offers already pouring in. some of which Joe already has signed contracts for are: Hormel will launch a new liverwurst called ‘Wurzelwurst’, Oscar Meyer ‘Wurzels’ will be in your grocers spam and scrapple aisle shortly, and 432 ‘Wurzelburger’ outlets will open in all 50 states by Christmas. Bill Gates has agreed to change his company’s name to ‘Wurzelsoft’, Volkswagen will be known as ‘Wurzelwagon’ and the City of Winston-Salem, North Carolina has enacted legislation to change it’s name to ‘Wurzel’-Salem, NC. Folks, this is only the beginning”, a beaming Crass shouted.
Hollywood has also been smitten by the knuckle dragging toilet specialist and is planning several projects featuring Joe. Warner Brothers Studios is working on a remake of the 1970’s detective show “Kojak”, with Joe in the title role. Universal Pictures has already inked a deal to have Joe reprise the role made famous by Arnold Schwartzenegger and plans to release “The Wurzelnator” by next summer.
Random House announced just hours ago that Joe will author a series of children’s books, which may lead to a Nickelodeon series entitled, “Joe the Toe”, which of course will star Wurzelbacher. Wurzelbacher will open on Broadway in the famous role played so brilliantly for decades by Yul Brenner, in a star studded revival of “The King and I” updated to “The Plumber and I”.
The only criticism the overwhelming demonstrations of admiration, adulation and agitation Joe is receiving, has come from the campaign of Barak Obama. Joe Axlerose, chief strategist for Obama said, “ While we appreciate the American public’s inexplicable love affair with Joe the mope, we are concerned that he now has a larger Secret Service protective detail than Senator Obama. The Secret Service has taken agents from Obama’s detail and reassigned them to the Joe detail. We find this troubling. Maybe in the future some deranged or even sane people will seek to assassinate Joe, but for now, it seems that Barak Obama might face a greater threat. Wurzelbacher’s misshapen heads looks bullet proof. I assure you, Obama’s is not nearly as thick.”
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Click on Title for permalink to Politico
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
THE GOOD SHIP USS GOP TAKES ON MORE WATER
McPalin Slip Slidin’ Away
Alaska Republican Senator Ted Stevens
Telling reporters how many bribes he took during an average week.
“…and the nearer your destination, the more
You’re slip slidin’ away.”
Paul Simon
(Oct.27, Hershey, PA) Ted Stevens, the 84 year old Republican Senator from Alaska, was found guilty yesterday on seven felony counts of giving false statements to Congress. These falsehoods were the Senator’s vain efforts trying to hide illegal gifts he received from an oil tycoon and Here today, the GOP Presidential candidate, John McCain called for sleazy, fossilized, corrupt and demented Stevens to resign his Senate seat. Stevens, also known as “The King of Pork” for his ability to deliver continually disproportional amounts of federal money for pork barrel projects to his state of under 700,000 residents. While McCain campaign operatives are beginning to accept the impending landslide that will bury their candidate, some were outspoken regarding the additional damage Steven’s conviction inflicts to the Republican Party just eight days before the election. “Ted Stevens is a true Republican, a real American scumbag, sleaze ball, crooked, greedy hack. The fact that he has been a long time friend of John McCain’s does hurt us at a time we can ill afford even more baggage”, commented a high ranking McCain staff member speaking on the condition of anonymity.
The addled senate veteran, Stevens, pled not guilty to all charges and vowed last tonight to “return home on Wednesday” to fight for his re-election. The specifics of the charges of corruption and bribe taking, influence peddling and felonious stupidity were all related to Stevens taking gifts and services from people in Alaska who had business pending before a committee Stevens chairs. “These gifts, which, in all honesty, amounted to some real crap, were definitely given with the intention of having some return from Stevens. Not only was this a “quid pro quo” arrangement, it was just pitifully stupid. Some of the shit Stevens accepted, like hideously awful furniture, would not even be allowed in a consignment shop. This guy took crap, junk and trash for what? You’d think he’d been bright enough to at least benefit from the bribes he took”, said Assistant Federal Prosecutor Dillard P. Dillon.
Fellow Alaskan and McCain running mate, Governor Sarah Palin, who was politically mentored by the moronic Stevens, did not support McCain in his suggestion for Steven’s the convict to cease his re-election bid and resign from the Senate. “You betchya, I think Ted Stevens is a great man. He’s been good for America, big oil, big business and most importantly for Alaska, Alaskans and himself. Only the out of touch media elite think that a man should resign from the Senate just because he was convicted of seven felonies. What has that got to do with anything?” screamed Palin during this afternoon’s campaign rally.
Stevens’ conviction was just the latest torpedo to strike below water level to the Republican ship which has been listing for weeks. As McCain’s presidential campaign continues to implode, the election prospects for all GOP incumbents is grim. The entire Republican Party finds themselves precariously perched on the sagging shoulders of John McCain. As their standard-bearer, McCain, Captain of their doomed ship, must remain on the bridge. Maritime tradition dictates the he go down with his ship. Hopefully, he will take down the balance of the Republican incumbents with him. After the last air bubbles roil the surface of the sea, no sign will be visible of the hulking wreckage now submerged forever in Davy Jone’s locker.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Alaska Republican Senator Ted Stevens
Telling reporters how many bribes he took during an average week.
“…and the nearer your destination, the more
You’re slip slidin’ away.”
Paul Simon
(Oct.27, Hershey, PA) Ted Stevens, the 84 year old Republican Senator from Alaska, was found guilty yesterday on seven felony counts of giving false statements to Congress. These falsehoods were the Senator’s vain efforts trying to hide illegal gifts he received from an oil tycoon and Here today, the GOP Presidential candidate, John McCain called for sleazy, fossilized, corrupt and demented Stevens to resign his Senate seat. Stevens, also known as “The King of Pork” for his ability to deliver continually disproportional amounts of federal money for pork barrel projects to his state of under 700,000 residents. While McCain campaign operatives are beginning to accept the impending landslide that will bury their candidate, some were outspoken regarding the additional damage Steven’s conviction inflicts to the Republican Party just eight days before the election. “Ted Stevens is a true Republican, a real American scumbag, sleaze ball, crooked, greedy hack. The fact that he has been a long time friend of John McCain’s does hurt us at a time we can ill afford even more baggage”, commented a high ranking McCain staff member speaking on the condition of anonymity.
The addled senate veteran, Stevens, pled not guilty to all charges and vowed last tonight to “return home on Wednesday” to fight for his re-election. The specifics of the charges of corruption and bribe taking, influence peddling and felonious stupidity were all related to Stevens taking gifts and services from people in Alaska who had business pending before a committee Stevens chairs. “These gifts, which, in all honesty, amounted to some real crap, were definitely given with the intention of having some return from Stevens. Not only was this a “quid pro quo” arrangement, it was just pitifully stupid. Some of the shit Stevens accepted, like hideously awful furniture, would not even be allowed in a consignment shop. This guy took crap, junk and trash for what? You’d think he’d been bright enough to at least benefit from the bribes he took”, said Assistant Federal Prosecutor Dillard P. Dillon.
Fellow Alaskan and McCain running mate, Governor Sarah Palin, who was politically mentored by the moronic Stevens, did not support McCain in his suggestion for Steven’s the convict to cease his re-election bid and resign from the Senate. “You betchya, I think Ted Stevens is a great man. He’s been good for America, big oil, big business and most importantly for Alaska, Alaskans and himself. Only the out of touch media elite think that a man should resign from the Senate just because he was convicted of seven felonies. What has that got to do with anything?” screamed Palin during this afternoon’s campaign rally.
Stevens’ conviction was just the latest torpedo to strike below water level to the Republican ship which has been listing for weeks. As McCain’s presidential campaign continues to implode, the election prospects for all GOP incumbents is grim. The entire Republican Party finds themselves precariously perched on the sagging shoulders of John McCain. As their standard-bearer, McCain, Captain of their doomed ship, must remain on the bridge. Maritime tradition dictates the he go down with his ship. Hopefully, he will take down the balance of the Republican incumbents with him. After the last air bubbles roil the surface of the sea, no sign will be visible of the hulking wreckage now submerged forever in Davy Jone’s locker.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Monday, October 27, 2008
UNBRANDED RANGE ANIMALS
SHITTY 1970’S FORD AUTOMOBILES:
OTHER MAVERICKS THAT SHOULD NOT BE PRESIDENT
A 1971 Ford Maverick where they were most commonly seen:
in the junkyard.
(Oct.27, Phlegm, OH) With a eight days left in this contentious presidential election campaign, perhaps the GOP ticket of John McCain and Sarah Palin, may want to consider the fate of other ‘mavericks’. Both of these Republicans have been campaigning as self proclaimed “mavericks” as if this designation especially qualifies them to be paradigm-breaking agents of change if elected. This argument, on its face, is total bullshit. John McCain is a 30 year veteran of Washington DC and has breathed the rarified air available only to a creature of the comfortably cocooned and removed surreal world “inside the beltway” life provides. Palin, the Governor of Alaska is indeed a beltway outsider however; she is also out of her mind. She is as ill equipped to be Vice President of the United States as a moose (no matter how well dressed a moose she is).
Those facts aside, it is oddly interesting that the Republican ticket employs the term “maverick” hoping to imply a renegade spirit to their electoral quest. The renegade approach usually connotes a certain measure of recklessness, chance taking, unconventional thought that often proves riskier than appropriate. Daredevils, gamblers, bungee jumpers, thrill seekers, jackasses and imbeciles of all stripes can afford to be mavericks. The President and Vice President of the United States can not. George W. Bush has been enough of an unbranded range animal,(imbecile and jackass), inflicting his renegade mind set yielding tremendous damage domestically and internationally. The world has witnessed exactly what his messianic, cowboy mentality reaped. McPalin have clearly exhibited their desires to continue in Boy George’s footsteps if not chart new waters of reckless stupidity, stubborn single-minded arrogance and shoot from the hip foreign policy. The Bush Administration’s handling of the recent financial crisis as well as their two wars, the war on terrorism, and Hurricane Katrina (to name just a few) has proven disastrous. These monumental errors of omission and commission, have served as positive proof that the renegade approach is doomed to fail abysmally.
An unbranded range animal such as a horse can be referred to as a maverick. Usually, mavericks of this type are “broken” by severe corporal punishment and the generalized use of brute force such as whippings, beatings, forced mounts, and electric prods. The Bushie’s have seen where similar tactics like water boarding, torture and trampling civil rights have left them. McPalin: take heed.
Ford Motor Company replaced the popular sedan model, Valiant, in 1966 with the Maverick, marketed as an affordable, dependable, economy car. In its 12 years of production it turned out to be a piece of shit of epic proportions, almost as big a lemon as other boneheaded Ford failures such as the Pinto and Edsel, the AMC Rambler and Pacer and NASA’s Skylab.
Hopefully, this coming Tuesday, McPalin will be trounced. The American public should recognize a “lemon” when they see it whether it be a car or a presidential ticket.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
OTHER MAVERICKS THAT SHOULD NOT BE PRESIDENT
A 1971 Ford Maverick where they were most commonly seen:
in the junkyard.
(Oct.27, Phlegm, OH) With a eight days left in this contentious presidential election campaign, perhaps the GOP ticket of John McCain and Sarah Palin, may want to consider the fate of other ‘mavericks’. Both of these Republicans have been campaigning as self proclaimed “mavericks” as if this designation especially qualifies them to be paradigm-breaking agents of change if elected. This argument, on its face, is total bullshit. John McCain is a 30 year veteran of Washington DC and has breathed the rarified air available only to a creature of the comfortably cocooned and removed surreal world “inside the beltway” life provides. Palin, the Governor of Alaska is indeed a beltway outsider however; she is also out of her mind. She is as ill equipped to be Vice President of the United States as a moose (no matter how well dressed a moose she is).
Those facts aside, it is oddly interesting that the Republican ticket employs the term “maverick” hoping to imply a renegade spirit to their electoral quest. The renegade approach usually connotes a certain measure of recklessness, chance taking, unconventional thought that often proves riskier than appropriate. Daredevils, gamblers, bungee jumpers, thrill seekers, jackasses and imbeciles of all stripes can afford to be mavericks. The President and Vice President of the United States can not. George W. Bush has been enough of an unbranded range animal,(imbecile and jackass), inflicting his renegade mind set yielding tremendous damage domestically and internationally. The world has witnessed exactly what his messianic, cowboy mentality reaped. McPalin have clearly exhibited their desires to continue in Boy George’s footsteps if not chart new waters of reckless stupidity, stubborn single-minded arrogance and shoot from the hip foreign policy. The Bush Administration’s handling of the recent financial crisis as well as their two wars, the war on terrorism, and Hurricane Katrina (to name just a few) has proven disastrous. These monumental errors of omission and commission, have served as positive proof that the renegade approach is doomed to fail abysmally.
An unbranded range animal such as a horse can be referred to as a maverick. Usually, mavericks of this type are “broken” by severe corporal punishment and the generalized use of brute force such as whippings, beatings, forced mounts, and electric prods. The Bushie’s have seen where similar tactics like water boarding, torture and trampling civil rights have left them. McPalin: take heed.
Ford Motor Company replaced the popular sedan model, Valiant, in 1966 with the Maverick, marketed as an affordable, dependable, economy car. In its 12 years of production it turned out to be a piece of shit of epic proportions, almost as big a lemon as other boneheaded Ford failures such as the Pinto and Edsel, the AMC Rambler and Pacer and NASA’s Skylab.
Hopefully, this coming Tuesday, McPalin will be trounced. The American public should recognize a “lemon” when they see it whether it be a car or a presidential ticket.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
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