EPIDEMIC OF THREATS TO CASTRATE HAVE POLITICIANS GOING NUTS

Secret Service & Capitol Police Add “Ball Squads”


(July 11, Washington, DC)  Just days after the public airing of Jesse Jackson’s desire to “cut” Barak Obama’s “nuts off”, dozens of male congressmen, senators and other political staffers have reportedly received threats to have their nuts cuts off.  The Secret Service and Capitol Police have seen such a startling upsurge in threats against politicians that they have added additional units of agents and officers they have dubbed “Ball Squads”.  “We cannot have all the men in Congress fearful of having their balls cut off or otherwise violently removed”, said Captain Otis Pitts of the Capitol Hill Police. 

Some of the Congressmen, aside from upgrading their personal protective details have taken to wearing specially designed devices to protect their testicles.  The John Bobbet Family Jewel Protector, manufactured and marketed by a small company in Kentucky, has received an unprecedented number of orders for the device.  “What we make here is more or less a glorified jock strap”, commented Merle Venables, CEO of Bobbet Manufacturing.  He added “What we basically do is take your standard all purpose protective cup and jock strap overlay several layers of Kevlar on it and reinforce it with a steel plate.  Son, our device will protect your unit from a direct hit from a shoulder fired missile.  Ain’t none of our customers getting’ castrated or such.  You can bet your bal…ah, ass on that!”
As several pallet loads of these devices were being delivered to the Capitol’s service entrance by an anonymous UPS driver, he commented “Hey, tell you the truth, I never knew any of these guys had balls.”

The Congressmen who have received or order a protective device of their own is a closely guarded secret.  Mr. Venables said he had to sign a federal confidentiality agreement and, if he were to violate it, he could loose his own balls.  Venables, proudly displaying his own protective device under his blue jeans said he could not even reveal the number of devices that were being shipped to Washington.  “All I can say is that far as I know, ain’t none being delivered to the White House.”

Agent Gordon I. Knott of the Secret Service said that not all of the recent rash of threats were directed at male members of Congress, not all threatened castration and that several female members were threatened with other “forms of bodily harm, mutilation, violation, desecration and emasculation.”  Inside sources have revealed that NY Senator Chuck Schumer received a threatening call to have a “pipe shoved up yur ass.”  Senator Bond of Missouri, Russ Feingold of Wisconsin and Dick Durbin of Illinois have all been threatened “to be beaten to a pulp, spit on and then beaten some more.”  Agent Knott commented, “This is a disturbing trend.  We have to get and stay on top of this series of threats until the threat level drops to a level less threatening.  Then, we can investigate.  I am deeply troubled by all of this especially since my vacation was scheduled to begin tomorrow.”

Addressing the threats against female members of Congress, Special Agent Emelia Dike stated, “Some of the lady members of both the House and Senate have received threats.  Some involved beatings, slapping, ass-biting, ear-biting, assorted kicks, punches, some hair pulling, eye gouging and one threat of genital mutilation.  We are doing everything in our power to protect these women and I am personally over seeing the direct security of several of them.  As long as this Dike is on the job, no one will get at these women except me.”


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HARD QUESTIONS FROM REPORTER REVEAL McCAINS "SOFTER" SIDE

(July 10, On the Trail) Answering questions from reporters here yesterday, GOP presidential presumptive candidate was caught off guard. When asked why some health insurance plans cover the erectile dysfunction tablet, Viagra for men while refusing women the same financial co-payments for contraception, the Arizona wing nut showed every reason why he is unfit to be our next president. In recent days much greater scrutiny has revealed stark contrasts between what he says on the campaign trail as opposed to his actual voting record in the Senate.

The contraception versus Viagra comparison was introduced earlier by Carly Fiorini, the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard and a vocal McCain advisor and surrogate. Apparently Ms. Fiorini has far more experience with contraception than she does with Viagra while the opposite may be true for Mr. McCain. He tried to duck and dodge the insurance coverage aspect of the question and appeared somewhat nervous about admitting to using Viagra in vast, liberal doses. “I am...I have not bought Viagra from the Internet nor do I think the government should support a women’s right to take innocent life. I, was...once, I mean I had a harder line on both issues once. My good friend and fellow friend, Bob Dole, now, he takes Viagra but, well…my friends compare his wife to mine. Now, one line is somewhat harder than the other. Many more men suffer from ED than women who should get contraceptives. That is, has always been and will always be my position until the polls show otherwise.”

With that barely coherent gibberish, the addled Arizona Senator was escorted away by his wife, Cindy, 24 years his junior. She too ignored all the Viagra questions. She did, however, allude to possessing unique “skills” that were more effective against “erectile dysfunction than any pill.”

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SECRET SERVICE ISSUES WARRANT FOR JESSE JACKSON

AGENTS HOPE TO MAKE ARREST SHORTLY
FBI Also Considers Charges

July 10, Washington, DC) The top Secret Service Agent charged with protecting presidential candidates, Vernon Dahnck, told reporters at a Treasury Department press conference that, “Protecting our presidential candidates is a sacred duty. We consider the recent televised threats to Senator Barak Obama to be serious. We are announcing today the issuance of an arrest warrant for Reverend Jesse Jackson. His threat to maliciously castrate Mr. Obama has to be taken as a legitimate threat.”

Agent Dahnck was referring to the remarks made by Jess Jackson prior to an interview with FOX News. Allegedly, Jackson claims to have “not realized” that the microphone was “on”. While speaking candidly, in a whisper, to another guest prior to the televised interview, Jackson said he should”cut” Obama’s “nuts off”. Jackson, a former civil rights activists, self appointed voice of black folks, political agitator and overall freeloader also said that some comments Obama delivered on Father’s day were “talking down” to black people.

The candid, off camera exchange was televised by FOX last night at the beginning of the Bill O’Reilly Show. Since made public, Jackson has taken resounding, harsh criticism. Rebukes from all sides of the political spectrum, punditry and particularly African-American leaders in the DNC and beyond, have unanimously expressed anger and outrage over Jackson’s comments. His own son, a Democratic Congressmen from Chicago, Jesse Jackson, Jr., repudiated the remarks his father made.

Reverend Jackson himself has spent the past 20 hours heavily engaged in a major “damage control” effort. After his long, often controversial career in public life, it appears at the moment he has few friends or supporters who have not distanced themselves from him. At this particular point in history, just as Senator Obama is poised to be the first African American presidential candidate of a major party, with a good chance of actually becoming our next President, most African American politicos, religious leaders, and community elders have decided to “steer clean of that old fool”, said the Reverend Dr. Burton Silus Meadows of the First A.U.M. Church of His Savior’ Son in Harlem, NY. Mr. Jackson has offered a public apology to Senator Obama which, Obama says “has been accepted.”

According to high ranking sources in the Justice Department, FBI Director Robert Mueller has discussed the legal components of possible charges his agency could bring against Mr. Jackson. This same source, speaking not for attribution continued, “Heck, the FBI has wanted to nail this guy’s ass since J. Edgar Hoover’s time. This would be a real feather in our hat”.

Copyright 2008 TBC © All Rights Reserved

HEY TOMMY: FRANKS A LOT

Shock & Awe, Dine & Dash, Grab Your Pension & Leave The Mess

(July 3, Washington, DC)  The most stinging criticisms, the harshest rebukes come not from “Monday morning quaterbacks”, but from within the ranks of one’s peers, others qualified to credibly criticize.  Certainly only those familiar with an organization, system or network are properly equipped to render judgment.  This is the rationale behind so many professions, professional groups, and institutions for self-policing.  Who better to assess a particular scenario, circumstance or decision than those who may have had to deal with a similar scenario, circumstance or decision, first hand, in the past?  The military and most law enforcement agencies conduct “after action reports” to evaluate their response, performance and determine the “lessons learned.”  This is a proven effective methodology of quality control, so to speak.

A virtual library of books, articles, essays, op-eds, thesis’ and papers have been written about the Iraq War; how and why we it began, how it was justified, rationalized or ‘sold’ to the American public, how it was managed as well as virtually every strategic, tactical, operational, diplomatic, political, logistical, financial and historic perspective imaginable.  Some have been produced by experts, while others have been easily dismissed for having been authored by political partisans, critics-at-large and some people with axes to grind.   There has been no lack of critics, apologists or partisans on either side of the associated arguments.

Much has been made over the years of this war about retired military officers speaking out either positively or negatively regarding our Iraq involvement.  Some said it was a violation of protocol and decorum to voice an opinion at a time of war.  Particular harsh criticism was reserved for active duty officers and military personnel for commenting on the war especially if their stated opinion, perspective or experience was contrary to “The Party Line.”  Some of these were viewed as treasonous traitors; others, as heroes truly dedicated to our troops.  That is an argument for another time, another day.

According to today’s Washington Post in a piece authored by Josh White, “The nation’s top military officer said yesterday that more U.S. are needed in Afghanistan to tamp down an increasingly violent insurgency, but that the Pentagon does not have sufficient forces to send because they are committed to the war in Iraq.”  Navy Admiral Michael Mullen, current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff added that the on-going struggle with extremist forces and the Taliban have become “a very complex problem”. 

So, we are backsliding in Afghanistan despite the fact that the people responsible for the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 are based there. 

This development and candid admission by Admiral Mullen comes just days after Michael Gordon reported in the New York Times the fact that “Occupation Plan for Iraq Faulted in Army History”, Mr. Gordon details the recently released unclassified study conducted by the United States Army itself, that is highly critical of General Tommy Franks, his decisions, tactics and judgment particularly soon after his troops rolled into Baghdad in 2003.  This is the second volume chronicling the history of the Iraq War; volume two is 700 pages.

The authors of this history are by no means “Monday morning quarterbacks”. They are the Army’s own with the assistance of the Rand Corporation.  The beginning of volume 2 pulls no punches while documenting the abject mistakes, miscalculations and failures of General Franks along with retired Lieutenant General Jay Garner and Paul Bremer, General Garner’s successor as the hand picked Chief Civilian Administrator of Iraq. 
The list of intelligent, thoughtful Army officers who saw the perils of the Bush – Rumsfeld strategy is not very long but it is high in individual IQ.  Unfortunately, they were ignored or, worse, treated extremely harshly in the press.  Some retired prematurely and, those that did, demonstrate the highest qualities of a military officer concerned for the troops under their command.

Basically, Tommy Franks oversaw the initial component of the invasion, waited around for the statue of Saddam Hussein to be yanked off its pedestal, and then turned over the keys to the country to junior officers, scurried back stateside to a promotion and retirement.  Mission Accomplished, Tommy?    Enter the parade of other officers, well intentioned, ill equipped for the reality of occupied Iraq.  Some, where simply “punching tickets”; jumping through the requisite hoops to achieve the next star, combat medal or resume’ entry.  In that sense they are like any other federal employee as we learned in the wake of September 11, 2001.  Protect the pension is far more important to those charged with protecting us than actually working to protect us.

As exposed as the myriad intelligence apparatus failures were after the dust settled, so too now, are the failure of the US Army.  The only branch of the military to have actually adapted from “lessons learned” in Viet Nam is the Marine Corps.  The inertia, complacency and arrogance of the other branches of our military, amounts to negligence on the highest order.  Yes, it is not “unpatriotic” to make impeaching statements against our military at a time of war.

But, this is just the latest chapter in an on-going book began in Korea in 1951.  Since then, in anonymous, remote places across the globe our young men and women have given lives, limbs and soul.  That is how it works.  Kids from the Bronx and Brooklyn, Buffalo and Bismarck, Beaumont, Butte, Brattleboro, Bakersfield and Boone pay for the flaws, the hubris, of those who command; both military and civilian.

John McCain is running for president partially on his service on the Armed Services Committee.  Where was the Congressional oversight all these years, John?  Why has our Congress been paralyzed during this entire, grinding endeavor? 

That returns us to General Franks and Admiral Mullen.  One’s arrogance and ignorance lands on the shoulders of the others responsibility.  And, sadly, the beat goes on; both in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Politics pales in stark comparison to the realities of the battles our troops engage in daily.  “It is easy to be passionate from a distance”, as a wise combat Marine from Korea once commented.  That particular Marine saw the perils and folly, the disregard for the troops from the inception of this Iraq War.  He died in sorrow, his heart broken for the countless brave young men and women going into scenarios and conditions no amount of training could ever prepare them.  His, was a flag draped coffin.  How many more will follow.

Mullen Calls For More Troops in Afghanistan: Iraq War Limits U.S. Options, Says Chairman of Joint Chiefs (Post, July 3, 2008; Page A01)

The war, OUR war, the conflict we should have remained engaged in to completion, until all our resources had eradicated those who attacked us, is not the war our president has chosen to fight. God Bless all MOS who paid the ultimate price on 9 11 01


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RAZING HELL

"Driver Rams Earthmover Into Jerusalem Bus"

From the Washington Post headline

A Man, A Bulldozer and Unfathomable Injustice

(July 2, New York, NY) There is certainly one Palestinian construction worker’s home that will be reduced to rubble, destroyed by sundown in East Jerusalem. That is how the oppressive regime of Israel responds to outbursts of decades old rage, frustration and hopelessness. The mighty Israeli Defense Forces will bomb this man’s home, the homes of all known family members and, perhaps, just a few other homes on principal. Innocent men, women and children will die, as always, in the defiant, overreaction of an occupying force. An act of terror or the act of a mind broken by his reality, it really doesn’t matter. The criminality, the gross asymmetry of the struggle with Israel’s US supplied military versus generations of people confined to glorified holding pens. The tragedy is that it will not end; it cannot end because there exists no more awkward and daunting obstacle to real negotiation than America’s unyielding, uncompromising, criminally complicit support of a nation literally carved out of existing sovereign lands some 60 years ago. Oh, but this is blasphemy, anti-Semitic ranting at its worst, right?

Why is Israel the only sacrosanct country on the face of the earth? What imbues it with this most unique status? It can be perilous in certain places to even utter the word “Jew” without someone taking offense. Granted, the arguments on both sides are so tiresome that honest debate is impossible. So, the path of least resistance is to ignore it. And is it ever ignored!

The United Nations has proven to be monstrously useless as long as the US is a permanent member of the Security Counsel. We should be however, for us to be the lone protector of the Zionist cruelty not only devalues us as a nation, it places us, our interests and our national security in peril. But, who cares: we’ve got to help the Jews. Our “democratic” partners in a “hostile” region would perish if not for our friendship. That is probably correct but, whose fault is that?

We intervene when Aboriginal people in deepest remotest Africa begin to machete each other to death, whacking off the limbs of children, raping girls and committing crimes against humanity even the Jews would recoil at. It is a shame that we can allow the continued oppression, virtual imprisonment of an entire people under the auspices of democracy.

You reap what you sow.

…and surely the predictable responses will ensue…

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