Monday, May 4, 2009



Keith Olbermann (Top) without his studio makeup,
(Bottom) all made up and ready to rant.

(May 4, NYC) Amid the overcrowded landscape of the cable TV “newsertainment” characters, it is difficult to identify the one who personifies the worst of the blowhards that have their own programs. These shows are nothing bu a private platform, a showcase for these idiots to rant, rave, opine, and take endless, unprofessional shots at their equally idiotic rivals.

Each of the rival networks and cheap-shot artists who host them , either subtly or blatantly represent bloviating proponents of one of the two sides of the political divide. There has always been some measure of bias in news reporting. For example, The New York Times has a long reputation for supporting liberal causes, a decidedly Democratic slant. A few of its most contrary counterparts are the Wall Street Journal and The Washington Times. Newspaper editorial boards have always exhibited some modicum of political bias. News magazines have equally done so. What gives these childish rants and opinionated warfare between the two greatest offenders, FOX News and MSNBC, is the amount of tolerance demonstrated by their management; they have supported seemingly with ratings driven glee the nightly swipes, jabs and body punches exchanged between two of the most egregious perpetrators; FOX’s Bill O’ Reilly and Keith Olbermann of MSNBC. These two egotistical buffoons have sunk so low as to have made their nightly broadcasts virtually devoted to incessantly attacking and mocking each other.

The Brooding Cynyx commissioned several studies six months ago in an attempt to empirically determine exactly who is the biggest prick in cable TV newsertainment. We felt obligated to have as much objective and statistic information compiled and minimize having the data protected from corruption, artificial artifacts in the results, and subjective variables. The calculating, analytical and review components of the studies were rigorously conducted under the highest levels of security available.

In addition to those academic studies we also commissioned several polls which were not incorporated in the studies results but were used as baselines and popular opinion to determine the subjective benchmarks and compare them to the objective results.
Complete results of the entire series of studies, methodology and other technical information will be made available to our readers in the near future.

Our results revealed several characters clustered closely near the top of the scale. Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Lou Dobbs, Bill O’Reilly, Steve Ducey, Shephard Smith, Joe Scarborough, Jack Cafferty and Glen Beck were all locked in extremely tight races for second and third runner-ups. The one asshole who distinguished himself from this pack of knot-headed, brainless, blabbermouths was, Keith Olbermann, host of the moronic “Countdown” program which airs Monday through Friday at 8 o’clock EST.

Olbermann was so far and away the winner that some of the researchers dubbed him “Assholbermann” after tabulating the results. Phil Griffin, the NBC news executive who runs the day to day operations at MSNBC commented, “We are all pleased that Keith won another award. While his program has helped increase our pathetic ratings, often it is very difficult to work with Keith. He is juvenile, loutish, childish, abusive and perhaps insane. If not for his long term contract I personally would have bounced his ass out of here long ago.”

According to Dr. Ronald Flaubert of the world famous and respect Integrated Analytics Data Center (IADC), the results were significant such that “given statistical margins of error and the number of variables we had to factor in, at the end of the day Mr. Olbermann walked away with first place. As scientists we were startled by just how big an asshole and prick he has proven to be.”

Among some of the most prominent reasons Flaubert cited from the study was the fact that Olbermann is ‘the most self referential of all the loud mouthed hosts. If he makes an appearance on Leno or Letterman, The View or Comedy Central he will devote an extraordinary amount of air time during his program to show clips of his appearances. This indicates a pathological sense of self importance, ego, hubris and narcissism. He is probably in the running for being one of the biggest assholes in the history of TV. That is saying quite a lot.”

TBC would like to express our gratitude and respect for the extremely accurate work they have produced on this difficult project.

Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

No comments: