SETS AMBITIOUS CANINE ISSUE ORIENTED AGENDA
Bo Jackson and Bo Derek :
newest White House staffers.
(April 22, Washington, DC) After recently being appointed “First Dog”, Bo, the Portuguese Water Dog has announced the members of his personal staff. According to Bo, “ The Obama’s have been exceptionally good to me. I m very honored they have made me first dog. However, the girls are in school, Michelle is out and President Obama is busy. I do not mean to be politically incorrect but I do have to shit and piss on a fairly regular basis.”
Given the fact that Bo has certain personal,biological and psychological needs, it has become visually apparent that Bo needs a staff of his own. In that regard Bo has named the famous athlete, Bo Jackson, and the famous pinup, Bo Derek, as his personal staff.
“Bo Jackson, one of the greatest athletes of the last century will teach me how to fetch, catch a Frisbee and chase after a football.” The First Dog, without a leash, speaking to the press corps continued, “ Bo Derek will instruct me how to run on sand and in the surf as well as do creative things with my hair. Besides that, I’d hump her leg as if I’d die in the morning.”
While many former Presidents had pets in the White House, Bo is the first to have his own office in the West Wing as well as being the first to select his own staff. White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emmanuel commented, “The President thought Bo should play a bigger role than other First Dogs. He’s encouraging Bo to set his own agenda, to choose a few issues that are important to him and to take advantage of his position as the most powerful canine in the world.”
Michelle Obama, the First Lady, expressed mixed emotions about Bo’s staff but also pointed out some of the advantages. “Sasha and Malia are already tired of taking him for walks. If we just let him out to run around the grounds there is always the danger the Secret Service might shoot him. We have had a stray cat or two wander onto the White House grounds and the Secret Service shot them with shoulder fired missiles. This can be a difficult environment for an animal. Bo definitely needs companionship. Bo Jackson will help our Bo develop his doggie skills under his watchful eye and Bo Derek, well, as long as she wears clothes, I’m sure she can help Bo in other ways. She has already caused a stir among the male heterosexual White House staffers. Some of the female employees are equally excited.”
President Obama expressed optimism regarding the potential utility Bo can have in his Administration. The President commented, “While we first got Bo to satisfy the girls, it has quickly become apparent that Bo has a great deal to offer my Administration. he has already proven more valuable than Joe Biden and says a lot less. Bo can be a good will ambassador traveling the world bringing much needed attention to the plight of domesticated dogs as well as other animals. I think his first 100 days in the White House will tell us a good deal about him.”
While most White House staffers and visitors find Bo a charming addition to the Administration, there have already been several awkward moments. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs noted, “Dogs are good readers of people, of their character, they have good sense. Bo has already proven his people reading skills but a few times his reactions were, a little course. He pissed all over Nancy Pelosi’s Italian shoes, took a huge dump in Mitch McConnell’s lap, spit up on Eric Cantor and bit John Boehner several times on the hand and groin. That says alot as far as we’re concerned. We are also excited about having him travel abroad in the future.”
Bo Jackson has thus far established the closest relationship with the First Dog. Speaking to reporters, Mr. Jackson offered some insight regarding some of the issues Bo has already placed on his agenda. “Bo will fight “pooper-scooper” laws across the country and will advocate for better fire hydrant placement particularly in the inner cities. He is against all “leash required” laws in public spaces and will fight vigorously against the barbaric practice of having pets neutered or spayed. He also believes that dogs and cats should be permitted to fly in the passenger coach with their owners instead of in a tight, cramped boxes in the cargo hold. All I can say is watch out, this Bo ain’t no average dog.”
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Wednesday, April 22, 2009
FIRST DOG BO NAMES PERSONAL STAFF
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