Dr. Sye K. Hotick, the Medical Director of the Karl Childers Memorial Nervous Hospital in McGeehee, Arkansas, was invited by the Brooding Cynyx, to attend tonight’s debate. Dr. Hotick, a world renowned expert in geriatric psychiatry and dementia, accompanied by this Cynyx, was asked to render an opinion of McCain’s mental status based on his performance tonight. “John McCain appears to be in the advanced stages of Senile Berserk Syndrome (SBS). His behavior is consistent with the symptomolgy associated with several severe emotional and psychological disorders. His inability to control his thought process, gross disassociation with reality and obvious agitation, in my opinion, present sufficient evidence that he is lacking the cognitive ability to dress himself let alone be President of the United States”.
Rick Davis, McCain’s campaign manager, vigorously contested Dr. Hotick’s professional assessment while answering questions after the debate in the “spin room”. “Senator McCain had a strong performance tonight. He was feisty, focused and ready to fight. He had command of the issues, stated his case to the American people forcefully and, overall, just kicked ass. Perhaps Dr. Hotick, with all due respect, was watching another debate.”
Several other McCain supporters were quick to defend their candidate. Turncoat Senator Joe Lieberman, a staunch ally of McCain’s stood on a chair and shouted at the gathered press. “There is nothing wrong with John McCain. He is the man for this job. The insinuation that he is somehow mentally deranged is absurd. As I Jew, I am familiar with derangement. I come from a long line of deranged Orthodox Jews and, believe me my friends; John is most certainly not deranged”. Lieberman fell off the chair and began to weep bitterly. He was quickly escorted out of the room by other campaign staffers and transported to Nassau County Hospital for observation.
The Obama campaign was very cautious in their comments about the debate and, particularly careful when questioned about McCain’s performance. David Axlerod, Obama’s chief strategist commented, “We all have the greatest respect for John McCain, his long service to this country and his passion for the issues. Sadly, the American people do not share his passion for the issues he is passionate about. Ironically, Senator McCain has voted against stem cell research. As the medical community has long recognized, the most promising treatments for SBS, Chronic Befuddlement, and Miasmic Aggressive Disorder (MAD) are all being developed as a direct result of stem cell research. After this election is over, we all hope and pray that John McCain receives the mental health care he so desperately needs.”
As for McCain’s Democratic opponent, Illinois Senator Obama, his debate performance was a stark contrast to McCain’s. Speaking briefly to reporters as he left the arena, Obama commented, “John is a warrior. He thinks like a warrior, acts like a warrior, eats, smells, farts and drinks like a warrior. He is a fine man who is walking a fine line between normal senility and true psychosis. It has been my honor and privilege to debate him.”
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