Friday, April 25, 2008
BUSH TRIES NEW APPROACH FOR ECONOMIC STIMULUS
President George Bush participates in tribal dance on the South Lawn
In an effort to bolster the sagging economy.
(April 25, The White House) As the US economy continues to decline, President George W. Bush is willing to employ novel approaches to prevent an all out recession. Every day one of the leading economic indicators, the stock and bond markets, industry and virtually every sector of our diverse economy appear to show a worsening crisis. Much has been made about the “mortgage meltdown” that has resulted in mass foreclosures and a stagnant housing market. The Administration had been roundly criticized for its involvement in crafting a bail-out deal for the investment bank Bear Sterns last month.
At the same time the Administration refuses to acknowledge what every other American knows: our war in Iraq has been draining our national treasury by an estimated $3 billion per month. Staggering costs of the military efforts, foreign aid and civilian contracts associated with the efforts have added untold millions to the protracted Iraq war with no end in sight. Actually, the depth and profundity of the Bush Administrations failure to recognize reality is beyond surreal; it is, as many Constitutional scholars have noted, “criminal”. Dr. Heywood Z. Bayhelsch, Professor of Constitutional Law at George Mason University said, “The fact that Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney will walk away from the enormous mess they have created , will go down as one of the greatest unprosecuted series of Executive branch acts ever perpetrated in the history of America. The Articles of Impeachment should have and could have been invoked years ago. Had anyone in Congress had any balls at all, Bush, Cheney and many others would be in prison now.” This statement is common among many senior experts in American History, Presidential History, Constitutional Law and other specialties. Presidential Dolores Kearns Goodwin, one of the most highly regarded of all living Presidential Historians said, “In no other time in our history would an Administration like this have been tolerated. Actually, Bush and Cheney are products of our times. They will go down in the annals of infamous political figures and are among the dumbest human beings ever elected to public office of any kind at any time.”
Despite recent efforts by the Administration, the Secretary of Treasury, The Council of Economic Advisors, The Federal Reserve and other related agencies, our economy sinks daily further into danger. The national debt and our trade deficit are at all time highs as even today crude oil tops $119 a barrel as the American consumer pays an average of $4 a gallon at the pump.
Seeking to dramatically demonstrate his vigorous efforts to fix our broken economy, President Bush invited several tribal healers, elders, medicine-men, drummers, dancers, snake charmers, and tribesmen known to speak in tongues to the White House today. With his participation the gathered tribesmen, members of the Indi Hulloo Shamalamadingdong tribe, once numerous in the southwest, performed a ritual dance to the gods. Speaking through an interpreter, The Chief of the Shamalamadingdong’s said, “We are honored to be at this House of White with all time Big Bush. We know gods are unhappy and that is why US economy in sewer. Bush contact us, he know of us from when he was in Texas. We come to perform dance, sacrifice and other rituals to make gods happy and help Big Bush get economy and self out of huge shit hole”.
Invited members of the press who witnessed the ceremonial dances, chanting, small to medium sized animal sacrifices, self mutilation, group masturbation and burning of various stinky herbs and spices were surprised to see just how enthusiastically Mr. Bush participated in all aspects of the ceremonies. David Gregory, Senior White House correspondent for NBC News commented, “I am simply amazed, speechless. I have covered this president for most of the past 8 years. I have seen him do some stupendously moronic, idiotic, senseless things in those years. I have seen him drift further and further into a delusional state of near delirium. I have seen him start a war, ruin and economy, wreck our worldwide reputation and dramatically alter the course of history, to our detriment, for generations to come. This ceremony today, though, was pretty bizarre. Bush seemed to go into a trance at one point, and after they sacrificed a mongoose, an armadillo and a prairie dog, just as the masturbation ritual was about to begin, Mr. Bush bit the forearm of a Secret Service agent who attempted to remove the president from the circle jerk.”
Later, somewhat winded, dazed, and even more confused than normal, Mr. Bush told reporters that “Heck< I wanted to participate in it all. I mean…ah…ya see,…my whole time in the White House has basically been a big, long circle jerk so, um…I…ah…didn’t see, I mean I wanted to see how these fellas did it. I bet Dick would have enjoyed it. I know I did.”
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