WE’LL MAKE IT SIMPLER; WE ARE YOU
South Bronx, NYC (Jan 11, 2008) Our Ombudsweiserman is a good guy; he really is. He is just a bit of a tight-ass and a douche. We respect and love him nonetheless. He grants us certain latitude, defends us from irate readers and absolutely champions our freedom to speak. That said; there are some things he neglected to tell you. I’ll make it brief, I’ll be succinct, I won’t waste valuable Cynyx space nor your time.
This, kind reader, is who we are:
We have a convicted felon, an accused felon and two felons who have never been caught. We have a drunk, a struggling drunk and a “recovering alcoholic”. We have a contributor with an MD, a Ph.D. and one who had three OD’s. Flea Flack has a Ph.D. a J.D., and a CDL.
We have a black guy, a racist Arkansas redneck, a former Kluxer, a former ACLU’er and a New York City bigot. We have an anti-semite, a Zionist, a Muslim and an Israeli Orthodox Catholic.
There is a Cynyc who served in the Marine Corps in Viet Nam, one leatherneck from Gulf War One, a Korean War Vet and a draft dodger who went to Saskatchewan in 1968. Yup...most of us agree...fuck him. (just kidding)
We’ve got a biker, a White Supremacist and former member of the Idaho State Senate. Okay... He is all the same guy.
We have guys that call each other guys, and guys who call other guys dudes and dudes who call everyone dude. Some of the Cynyx drink Miller Lite in bottles, some, Jameson’s straight, others Sterno and Aqua-Velva with a twist. Some nothing more than Cream Soda.
One of us has been to prison, another, was a corrections officer. We have retired cops, bookies, longshoremen and a structural engineer. We have two economists, several OTR drivers, a reclusive millionaire and an Iowa manure farmer and a pimp on sabbatical.
What we don’t have at the moment is a female Cynyc. We need a woman. We need to find a female contributor, cynical enough, to be counted among this tight group of Brooding Cynyx.
Cynyx have been born and raised in Brooklyn and the South Bronx, New York, Corleone, Sicily, Saucier, Mississippi and Bismarck, North Dakota. Some Cynyx live in the city, some in the country, some in jails, prison and some in trucks. One lives in the bayou in a lean-to but has a satellite hookup.
We care and don’t care; we are Left and Right, Blue and Red, Alpha and Omega, Ben and Jerry.
We’ve been there, done that, caught fish and thrown them back. We’ve dodged and ducked, trucked and fucked and lived to see another century. We’ve been bailed out, put upon, overweight, underpaid and guilty as charged.
We’ve written thesis, performed autopsies and coronary by pass. We’ve passed gas, lived half-assed, been type cast and hung over. We’ve sworn off and mouthed off, jacked off and been locked in solitary. Some of us went to a monastery, some just stayed in emotional Mayberry. We shop at Walmart, Handi-Mart, and Bloomingdales.
We all believe, as Mick Jagger said so many years ago that, “Every cop’s a criminal and all the angels saints...”
We won’t disappoint...
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