COLIN-OSCOPIED

FORMER BUSH CABINET MEMBER ENDORSEs OBAMA
GENERAL POWELL SLAMS GOP & McCAIN-PALIN TICKET


Former Secretary Of State retired General Colin Powell,
shows John McCain how to wave his Presidential ambitions good bye.

(Oct.22, Arlington, VA) Not ones to pounce, jump on a band wagon or beat dead horse, TBC have waited to comment on the powerful endorsement of Democrat Barak Obama from former Bush Cabinet member Colin Powell. Last Sunday on “Meet the Press”, the man who was once courted by democrats and republicans alike as a potential Presidential candidate himself, presented the case for Obama succinctly, articulately and effectively. Powell’s calm steady delivery could not conceal his brutally frank, harsh rebukes of not only GOP candidate John McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin, but of the entire Republican Party.

Asked by MTP moderator Tom Brokaw if the retired four-star General was “prepared to make a public declaration of which of these two candidates…” he was prepared to support, General Powell launched an uninterrupted stinging indictment of the policies and practices of the current Administration, the GOP’s campaign tactics, the Republican ticket as a preface. Once his broadside dismemberment and denunciations of his own Party was concluded, our former Secretary Of State clearly elucidated his objective, logical argument that was a resounding endorsement for the Illinois Senator. In just over seven minutes Powell presented the country with a coherent, comprehensive, insightful and tempered rationale for an Obama Presidency. Some portions of his eloquent summary were amazingly candid assessments, essentially vicious blows to the heads, of virtually the entire membership of the Republican Party.

Powell began his lengthy response to Brokaw’s inquiry by saying, “I'm an American, first and foremost, and I'm very proud--I said, I've said, I've said to my beloved friend and colleague John McCain, a friend of 25 years, "John, I love you, but I'm not just going to vote for you on the basis of our affection or friendship." And I've said to Barack Obama, "I admire you. I'll give you all the advice I can. But I'm not going to vote for you just because you're black." We, we have to move beyond this.”

In his even tone and tenor Powell began assembling his case first; laying the planks comprising the reasons McCain should NOT be President. “I have said to Mr. McCain that I admire all he has done. I have some concerns about the direction that the party has taken in recent years. It has moved more to the right than I would like to see it, but that's a choice the party makes.”

He continued his dismantling the notion of a McCain Administration; “In the case of Mr. McCain, I found that he was a little unsure as to deal with the economic problems that we were having and almost every day there was a different approach to the problem. And that concerned me, sensing that he didn't have a complete grasp of the economic problems that we had. And I was also concerned at the selection of Governor Palin. She's a very distinguished woman, and she's to be admired; but at the same time, now that we have had a chance to watch her for some seven weeks, I don't believe she's ready to be president of the United States, which is the job of the vice president. And so that raised some question in my mind as to the judgment that Senator McCain made”.

On the Obama side, I watched Mr. Obama and I watched him during this seven-week period. And he displayed a steadiness, an intellectual curiosity, a depth of knowledge and an approach to looking at problems like this and picking a vice president that, I think, is ready to be president on day one. And also, in not just jumping in and changing every day, but showing intellectual vigor. I think that he has a, a definitive way of doing business that would serve us well. I also believe that on the Republican side over the last seven weeks, the approach of the Republican Party and Mr. McCain has become narrower and narrower. Mr. Obama, at the same time, has given us a more inclusive, broader reach into the needs and aspirations of our people. He's crossing lines--ethnic lines, racial lines, generational lines. He's thinking about all villages have values, all towns have values, not just small towns have values.” By this point it was apparent that the retired General was done jabbing and was fully prepared to land some rib-shattering blows.

While Sarah Palin lay unconscious; a bloodied and bruised political carcass, Powell landed the knock out punch. He blasted McCain, already reeling from the beating he’d taken, with a jaw breaking, campaign ending uppercut concluding, “So, when I look at all of this and I think back to my Army career, we've got two individuals, either one of them could be a good president. But which is the president that we need now? Which is the individual that serves the needs of the nation for the next period of time? And I come to the conclusion that because of his ability to inspire, because of the inclusive nature of his campaign, because he is reaching out all across America, because of who he is and his rhetorical abilities--and we have to take that into account--as well as his substance--he has both style and substance--he has met the standard of being a successful president, being an exceptional president. I think he is a transformational figure. He is a new generation coming into the world--onto the world stage, onto the American stage, and for that reason I'll be voting for Senator Barack Obama”

Since Sunday the battered GOP running mates have been vociferously trying to mount a desperate counter attack. Their sorry efforts are proving to be as much of a failure as has been the McCain Palin team’s campaign since leaving their national convention in St. Paul last September. They may go the distance but, by their own hands and the hands of others, not the least of which were Colin Powell’s, this is the last and final round. They will most likely never return to the ring again.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

WAY TO GO, JOE!

BIDEN’S BLUNDER NOW GOP FODDER

Joe Biden bites his tongue while sucking his thumb in a valiant
effort to restrain himself from putting his foot in his mouth again.

(Oct. 22, Goffsboro, NH) Once again Joe Biden has demonstrated why many veteran members of the DNC expressed concerns when Barak Obama named the Delaware Senator as his running mate. Mr. Biden, a 30 year Congressional insider has, over his long career, been known to have a penchant for putting his foot in his mouth. His latest leather meal came at the expense of the man at the top of the Democratic ticket.

Biden, speaking to a group of fundraisers last Sunday night in Seattle, was captured on tape making very damaging comments about Senator Obama’s ability to handle a crisis. If that was not a hard enough kick to Obama’s testicles, Joe went on to speculate, if not predict, and then “guarantee” that his running mate would be “tested” early in his Presidency. Mr. Biden then seemed to get on a roll and continued to pummel Obama adding injury to insult.

"Watch, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy. . . . I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate. And he's gonna need help," said Biden. He continued stomping Barak while he was already on the ground noting, "Mark my words, it will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don't remember anything else I said.

The fact that the Delaware Destroyer “guaranteed” that Obama would be tested and went as far as actually presenting possible international “scenarios” that would constitute such a test. Naturally, Biden’s stupid remarks were pounced on by the GOP rivals John McCain and Sarah Palin. Without intending to (?) and very convincingly, Joe provided his opponents with an amazing gift. McCain and Palin have incorporated Biden’s remarks, using his verbatim quotes out on the campaign trail. Biden has served the man who chose him as his VP nominee up to the Republicans on a silver platter.

While Blowhard Joe implored his Seattle audience to “Gird your loins," he continued to bruise the loins of Mr. Obama adding, "We're gonna win with your help, God willing, we're gonna win, but this is not gonna be an easy ride. This president, the next president, is gonna be left with the most significant task. It's like cleaning the Augean stables, man. This is more than just, this is more than – think about it, literally, think about it – this is more than just a capital crisis, this is more than just markets. This is a systemic problem we have with this economy."

Feverishly grabbing onto to this unexpected (but oh so appreciated) protruding branch to stop his campaign’s freefall, Senator McCain used Biden’s assessment of Obama as a distinct, stark point of contrast and reference highlighting his own “proven” ability to handle an international crisis. It is undeniable that McCain has been tested in ways that few ever have. Those tests do not automatically serve as qualifying criteria or indicators of the crisis handling abilities of a potential President. A person’s past demonstrations of judgment under pressure and, judgment in general, are a valid counter-balance to be considered.

In any event, these factors are beginning to help the electorate do their calculations within the specifics of their personal equations by which they will arrive at the decision of for whom they will cast their votes.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

CHENEY BACK IN BUNKER AFTER MEDICAL PROCEDURE

Dick Cheney waving to hecklers outside GWU Medical Center.

TOP SECRET CARDIAC DEVICE IMPLANTED
IN VP’S CHEST

(Oct. 17, Washington, DC) George Washington University Medical Center Cardiothoracic surgeon, Dr. Art T. Rhehull, held a press conference this morning, two days after performing a cutting edge, partially invasive surgical procedure on Dick Cheney’s heart. The Vice President underwent this operation and was released from the hospital before his condition was revealed to the press. Dick has a long history of significant cardiac disease including several massive, but not massive enough, heart attacks, and abnormal rhythms. Cheney has had several by-pass procedures and several stents inserted into his cardiac arteries.

Dr. Rhehull opened the press briefing with a prepared statement that had been vetted and approved by the CIA, NSA, DOD, KKK, FBI, UPS and SOB. “Vice President Cheney experienced an irregular heart beat while plotting with advisors his plans to bomb Syria, Iran, Turkey and New Jersey. He was transported here by the Secret Service. We confirmed that Mr. Cheney was having an episode of atrial fibrillation: his heart was beating erratically, almost as erratically as John McCain’s thought process. He was swiftly prepped for surgery. Once on the operating table his heart was stopped for a brief period of time. During this state of induced death, we were able to insert a revolutionary cardio-stabilizing device. Developed by DARPRA and assembled at a secret location by Halliburton nano-engineers, the device, known as the Cardiac Reactor Arterial Pacemaker Powerpack (CRAPP) this device will automatically send a regulated jolt of electrical current any time its sensors detect any future episodes of abnormal sinus rhythms. Essentially, this means, Dick Cheney will never have to undergo an invasive heart surgical procedure again.”

Above, the CRAPP in Cheney's heart enlarged 1,000,001 times.
(Photo Courtesy of CIA.) * May not be actually representation of CRAPP device. CIA just wanted to mention that.

One of the other surgeons involved with the actual insertion of CRAPP into Dick’s heart, Dr. Yves Dropphing, explained the revolutionary technology of CRAPP. “This CRAPP is a miniature, fully self contained, satellite monitored, nuclear powered, self-destructing, pacemaker that operates in a continuously stealth mode and can receive radio signals beyond a depth that is classified. The entire device is constructed with nano-tubes made of Synthetic Carbide Ultraplex Matrix (SCUM). SCUM was developed by Kellogg Brown and Root (KBR), a subsidiary of Halliburton while Mr. Cheney was Halliburton’s CEO. Mr. Cheney was heavily involved in the development of SCUM from the R&D stage right through clinical use. Just as he has been responsible for the taking of so many hundreds of thousands of innocent lives abroad, his SCUM has the potential to save the lives of many wealthy CEO’s, lobbyists, corporate raiders, bankers, fund raisers and pheasant hunters.”

Speaking to the press via secure satellite closed circuit, closed captioned, Bluetooth enabled, Hi-Def, Wi-Fi uplink, the Chief Nano-Engineer at Area 51 in Nevada, Lt. Col. Newhouse “Skipper” Bibby, MD, PhD, PE, NORAD, USAF (ret.), provided a very superficial explanation of these space aged, new fangled, highly classified, for his eyes only, stop, drop and roll, materials and devices. “CRAPP was made possible by SCUM. It is fair to say that without SCUM, the CRAPP in Mr. Cheney’s chest would not be there today. The entire device can easily fit on the head of a pin. CRAPP contains 7 miles of nano-tube piping, over 12 acres of carbide carbon fiber, a classified number of Intel microchips and is powered for perpetuity by a nuclear reactor. It is available in gunmetal grey or desert-scape camouflage. It is beyond amazing that, due to our advanced developments in nano-technology, we are able to use so much SCUM to make a single CRAPP. The intricate complexity of construct and function of this device, makes the human cell, comparatively speaking, seem like a Frisbee. In my opinion, SCUM will allow nano-medical devices of unimaginable benefit to mankind. We are currently researching methods to use our SCUM in bio-weaponry, hideously painful torture as well as other beneficial applications that will help spread democracy to evil-doers everywhere.” Dr. Bibby’s uplink was suddenly cut off.

President Bush spoke with reporters in the Oval Office and commented, “Vice President Cheney is doing …ah…well. I missed him lots while he was at the hospital. It’s always good to have my Dick back. We are all grateful to the brilliantly bright, doctors, nurses and other smart folks that allowed Dick to be back with us. His artificial heart machine will be able to do things his…ah… own real heart could never do. Having Dick back with all that SCUM and CRAPP in his upper chest area, is a real gift to all Americans and will put fear in the hearts and minds of those who hate our way of life around the world or where ever they may be hiding. The last thing extreme, fascist, Muslim fundamentalist, terror causing, name calling, stone throwing, back biting, Mecca facing, bad and dangerous leaders and followers of leaders want to see, is a Dick in the White House with all new and indestructible SCUM and CRAPP in his heart. May God bless Dick and me, and all fun loving, freedom wanting, folks here abroad and over seas.”

President Bush took no questions from the press and was reportedly going to join Mr. Cheney in his undisclosed location to have a CIA briefing, a meeting of the NSC and to work on a jigsaw puzzle he has had trouble completing.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

PLUMBERS HAILED AS AMERICAN HEROS

TRADESMAN & LABORERS ACHIEVE ROLE MODEL STATUS


(Oct. 17, Hunts Point, The Bronx, NYC) Just as the nation became acutely aware of the contributions made to society by cops and fireman after witnessing their bravery on September 11, 2001, this rancorous presidential battle has shed light on other segments of our work force that have been long denied proper recognition and respect. The men and women of the NYPD, FDNY and PAPD performed no differently on 9 11 01 then they did everyday before and every day since. It was the prominence of their efforts that illustrated precisely the character and skills required to do what they have always done, largely unnoticed. Generations of cops and fireman have toiled anonymously protecting and saving lives. It came as a shock to most of them that it took a calamity such as the fall of the World Trade Center Towers for the public to appreciate their role in our society.

Similarly, other vital services provided by working class, blue collar workers are now being appreciated as the mortar that holds our country and civil society together. Thanks to the introduction of “Joe the Plumber” by Senator McCain during his debate with Barak Obama earlier this week, the Joes and Joannes among us, performing the unglamorous, dirty, often hazardous jobs are now getting their due.

Those Americans fortunate to make over $250,000 annually have probably never taken time to consider all the components of our workforce that serve as the cogs and wheels, the nuts and bolts of our economy. These men and women, most of whom are lucky to gross $70,000 per household make it possible for the rest of society to live as they do.

Every item in our homes, offices, grocery, appliance and stores of every type spent time on a truck. America’s needs move by truck; if you’ve got it, it was trucked. How many American’s realize this and appreciate the truck drivers? Why has it taken so long to celebrate the tireless efforts of mechanics, janitors, loading dock guys, bartenders, bookies, bouncers and diner waitresses? How about taxi drivers, mills hands, framers, dry wallers, roofers, cesspool divers, garbage collectors, meat packers, fishermen and port-a-potty cleaner outters? Who ever thanks the delivery people, asphalt layers, tree trimmers, utility workers, grocery checkers, muffler installers, bank tellers, sewer cleaners, boilermakers, manure handlers, chimney sweepers, cowpokes, cow milkers, and cupcake icers? On a daily basis, the pizza makers, Chinese take-out delivery guys, the dry cleaners ladies, the barbers, the shelf stockers, clerks and assistants, pickers and packers, laborers of all kinds make it possible for the rest of us to be housed, clothed, fed, entertained and pampered.

It is about time that the average Joe and Joanne we have, for far too long, looked down upon or ignored, felt superior to or sorry for, under tipped or berated, was disgusted by or avoided, come out of the shadows, and are celebrated as the true heroes they are.

Here, at the Hunts Point Market, thousands of men and women work around the clock to provide the uninterrupted supply of meat and produce to the residents of New York City. Some load and unload trucks manually. Some trim fat from sides of beef. Some separate chicken legs from thighs. Some wash lettuce, others put rubber bands around celery. The point is that without these folks the Waldorf Astoria could not make a meal.

The gap between the “haves” and “have nots” has been widening for years. The past 10 to 15 years as seen that widening increase rapidly. There is a vast, ocean sized gulf that keeps the lower class out of view of the upper class. Treading water in that expansive ocean are all the Als and Hals, Hanks and Franks, Dottys, and Dollys, Neds, Freds and Eds, Marys, Nancys, and Lucys of the middle class.

It is easy and simplistic, and oh so convenient, to frame every domestic issue as contrasts of ideology. Our two party system has mutated into one dysfunctional swamp surrounding two distinct islands; two polarized camps each armed with their own distinct arsenal of code words, prejudices, biases, perceptions and stereotypes ready, in the blink of an eye, to blame the other for our collective ills and failures. So cemented have these stances become, that no reasonable discourse seems possible. Agreement will remain elusive because of resentment and anger even though agreement, in correcting some of our most intractable problems would be beneficial to all.

Democrats are not raving, liberal lunatics burning torches at the gates demanding a redistribution of wealth. Republicans are not conservative, right wing zealots determined to enrich the rich. However, if each continues to perceive the other as such, we will remain a house divided, a nation drifting towards a bastard offshoot of Feudalism, of a caste system from a bygone era.

The Left can look at the Right as greedy, oppressive, heartless takers. The Right can look at the Left as whining, freeloaded, and demanding wanters. Where has this gotten us?

Human beings share 99.4% of our genetic structure with Apes; a mere 0.6 % of our species DNA permits us to speak and think ahead, to calculate and invent, to live in houses, in an organized civil society while apes live, fuck and shit in the wilds? Okay. If that meager amount of molecular material defines the tremendous chasm between man and beast, why can’t men of differing persuasions and beliefs, ideas and ideals, incomes and opportunities, interact exercising the unique and distinct neurological capacities we have in common.

We are all the same when it comes down to physiology and the harsh truths of life and death. We all put our pants on the same. We all experience the same physical strengths, weaknesses and maladies. We have similar but relative hopes, dreams and fears. We have all been hungry: some, hungry between meals, some hungry for a meal. We all sweat: some while at work, some while at play. Why do we continue to behave as Stone Age men nearing the end of the first decade of the Third Millennium?

Our Nation and the World are riddled with challenges that will require all to find the valley between the mountains – The Middle Ground; the place of negotiation and compromise. “United We Stand, Divide We Fall” Clichés’ are cliché because they are true.

Vote.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

EVERY JOE HAS HIS DAY

OHIO PLUMBER UNCLOGS DEBATE DISCOURSESenator McCain before last night's debate with his "Game Face' on.
He was hoping to convince independent voters, particularly women.

(Oct.16, NY, NY) The final Presidential debate between John McCain (R) and Barak Obama (D) last night was dramatically different from their previous two encounters. The candidates were forced to cease spouting their usual rhetorical cliché’-laden, platitude-heavy, election season bullshit, thanks to Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher from Holland, Ohio. McCain initially introduced Joe the Plumber into the middle of this crucial debate. This particular Joe became the living, breathing representative of all middle class, small business owning, hard working, time clock punching, over taxed, underpaid, (if still employed) blue collar Americans who seek nothing more than their hard earned shot to claim a modest chunk of the American Dream. Joe the Plumber was able to accomplish a feat that no other debate moderator or television interviewer / journalist had even gotten close to – he forced the candidates to focus on real “kitchen table” issues.

The name Joe has historically been used as a prefix for a variety of terms meant to define the proverbial average, generic American. G.I. Joe, Your Average Joe, Joe Blow, Joe Lunch Pail, Joe Six Pack, and Joe Schmoe, are firmly embedded in our common lexicon. “Just some Joe” has come to imply the image of a bland, white male, Midwestern laborer of humble means, somewhat simple mind and tastes. Joe aspires only to put grub on the table for his family, keep a roof over the heads of his wife and kids, make sure they are dressed, educated and God fearing.

Joe wants his kids to go to college, to have it better than he had it growing up. He aspires to see them as doctors, lawyers, accountants, union members or supervisors in some mill, factory or industrial plant. He wants to spare them the hard-scrabble, uphill, climb he endured to reach the Nirvana-like goal of suburban middle classdom that he now finds himself precariously clinging to. He wants them to aim high while never forgetting where they came from. He knows they will come to respect his sometimes stern discipline because, as they get older, they will see the light and finally realize that Joe, their Dad, did know better and, in fact, was right about every fucking thing.

The fact that in his 30 years in Congress, John McCain has done little for the little man like Joe, did not dissuade him from invoking him now during his moment of need. McCain has done a good deal to help block Joe from getting his crack at the American Dream. McCain has been an intimate ally to big business, corporate lobbyists, high dollar special interests and his voting record reflects his disdain for the plight of the Main Street Joe.

The John McCain indicted for influence peddling during the “Keating Five” scandal did not have an epiphany thereafter. John carefully concealed his cozy relationships with the behind the scenes power brokers, fund raising millionaires repeatedly repaying them by decreasing their taxes, passing legislation favorable to the wealthiest while all the Joe’s got chocked, squeezed and generally fucked as a result. John McCain is as far removed form John Q. Public (Joe’s metaphoric Grandpa) as Joe’s wife is from McCain’s millionaire heiress spouse. Joe is about to default on his mortgage, in part, as a direct result of McCain and company’s legislative handiwork while Johnny himself doesn’t even KNOW how many house he and his wife own. Come on, John!

John seems to have discovered Joe in the waning days of his failing bid to be our President. His voting record in the Senate clearly illustrates exactly how little John has thought of Joe. McCain helped pave the way for Joe to be in the awful position he now finds himself in. Joe doesn’t have a good Joe-type job, good retirement, access to affordable quality medical care and sense of financial security. McCain has let Joe pay through the nose for gasoline, groceries and all the other items every Joe needs.

Last night the John McCain, born into a blue blooded, storied military dynasty with a silver rudder up his ass, promised – vehemently vowed – he would do all sorts of things, fight tooth and nail, shed blood sweat and tears for Joes he never gave a moments consideration to before.

If the real or a real Joe would have been sitting around the table with Johnny, Barry and Bob Scheiffer last night, he might have had a few poignant questions for his new found savior. Joe could have asked John why his son, Joe Jr., lost his legs in Iraq fighting a war of choice and why his daughter, Jolene is chronically ill because Mrs. Joe was unable to afford pre-natal medical care. John might have had to look Joe in the eye and explain what the on-going, worsening, “Wall Street Meltdown” sucked several grand from his meager 401(k) while CEO’s escaped with “golden parachutes” boldly emblazoned with the big red letters ,G O P, all over them. Joe probably could have asked John why he had not lifted a finger to do any of the things he now so urgently promises to do while serving in Congress for three decades.

Joe probably would have smacked John in the mouth.

Joe may have cast a mildly threatening glance at Barry, hitched up his well worn jeans, politely shaken hands with Ole Bob, stifled a belch, strode off the stage and returned to his reality, a nightmare that has become the harsh reality that has flourished over the past eight years.

Joe would have had to leave quickly if he were to punch in on time at his second job.

John wouldn’t have known what hit him however; soon, he will have plenty of time to figure that out.

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